SFW Archives - Page 729 of 1169 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2016

30

Dec

Elizabeth Turner is Lovely of the Day

I can’t believe that at the end of last year, this Elizabeth Turner, a fresh college grad who had just moved to LA, hit me up asking me to feature her on my website, and I don’t think I did, despite thinking she was hot, because I am an asshole, but more importantly, because I knew her and her all american looks, and all american tits, would make it in the world of Guess?, like an Anna Nicole Smith or Charlotte McKinney, but less whorish and hotter…

So I didn’t bother promoting her, it’s a thankless job even if I did, just ask Em Rat Cow….

But I did follow her, see her grow, and think…”I should have played this different”…

So now, ignored by her as I message her incessantly about how we are friends, how I was there for her early on….I’m doing that post on her, probably not my first post on her since she’s blown up…but a post on her none the less reminding me of my failures in 2016 – that I will make again in 2017…and the wins…of all the other people I am connected to through social media…at least who I follow and who don’t follow me back – because they are users…

All this to say, I like seeing people win, with tits like this, they were born winners..

Posted in:Elizabeth Turner|SFW

2016

30

Dec

Alessandra Ambrosio Checkign Out Dicks on the Beach of the Day

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Here is long toros Alessandra Ambrosio staring at the dick of some dude in tight bathing suit bottoms – because I guess she’s wondering if her old, overrated, overpaid, time to retire, still good enough to want to fuck, because she’s a VS model, you know the kind of girl you’d go to see her touring show in hopes you find her drunk at the bar talking about the glory days at the local dive bar – after all had failed….provided she developed a drug addiction rather than kids with a rich guy…

I am wondering if she’s looking at his cock thinking “did I get him had, can I still get him hard, maybe he’s gay, those shorts say he’s gay…or is it the amazing ass next to me…”.

I’m going with the Amazing ass next to her…because every hooker becomes a den mother one day….here’s to Alessandra Ambrosio aging another year in 2017

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio|SFW

2016

30

Dec

Rose Bertram for Love Magazine of the Day

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Fine, I’ll give Love Magazine one more free post – and I won’t even shit on them for delivering 30 useless videos, one for everyday in December, and possibly more, they could have started on Thanksgiving, I can’t be too sure, but I can be sure that it had no context, was just noise that featured popular girls on social media, who you could argue are “it girls”…but I feel we live in an era where there is no such thing as “it girls” as everything just sort of overlaps into one huge ball of feces…including but not limited to these videos..

I don’t give a fuck abotu Rose Bertram, she’s a busty ethnically ambiguous SI Swim model, I didn’t watch the video, but I am posting it, because that’s what mooching other people’s content is all about…so here’s to Mooching more in 2017…

Posted in:Rose Bertram|SFW

2016

30

Dec

Gigi Paris Butt Shot of the Day

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There are thousands of girls on my instagram, around 7,000 girls on my instagram, who aren’t actually on my instagram, but who I follow because I am a fucking creep – who take better pics, sluttier pics, more naked pics, and have more followers than Gigi Paris…

They are more successful, more interesting, more creative, more amazing than Gigi Paris…

They’ve get work, are younger, tighter, and more amazing than Gigi Paris….

They have hundreds of thousands of followers, but if I told you their names you wouldn’t remember their names, not that I remember their names, but I see them pop up here and there and think “I should do a post on this babe”….but never do..

Yet here I am putting up a pic or two of Gigi Paris…someone who is a virtual unknown, with 50,000 followers, who no one cares about….but I’m lazy…and it’s availble…so why dig for content when it’s emailed to me…right…maybe that will be my resolution for 2017…but I never stick to that shit so why bother..

Especially when the low level shit I recycle is massive hard nipple tits in a sweater…

Posted in:Gigi Paris|SFW

2016

30

Dec

Morning Hangover Dump of the Day

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The day before New Years Eve…or the eve of new years eve eve, I like to go to the strip club to get my bearings, to ground myself, but then again, I like to go to the strip club every night of the week, and it just so happens I went out to one last night….one of the sketchier ones you’re uncomfortable walking into….you know filled with low level thugs…and you can tell they are low level because the strippers are all 250 pounds….except for one really skinny bitch with clown sized fake tits….who was probably in her 70s…but other than that…it was fat chicks, really nice fat chicks, they didn’t hustle dances..they just wanted free drinks to medicate their really humilating lives….

The hightlight was big titties in my face, or twerks, or the level of depression so deep in the tail end of the holiday cheer….

It was when the fattest of the strippers told me that her pussy lip kept getting caught in her lace panties…and she had welts on her pussy lips because of it….

I was like “girl those are lip stuck in the holes of the lace welts, that shit is herpes”….and she was like “no, next to those”…..and I was like “Oh that little cut, you’ll be fine…but the herpes…get that shit away from me”…

You know…closing out the year with herpes, panties too small on a fat stripper, and it feels so right…

here are some morning links…

Some Silicon Valley Star and his Pantless Passenger on a Flight
CLICK HERE

Hot New Meme Trend of the Day
CLICK HERE

The Untold Truth of Darth Vader
CLICK HERE

2016 in 5 Minutes you bastards
CLICK HERE

French Model in a Bikini with her Dog
CLICK HERE

Izabel Goulart – Bikini
CLICK HERE

The Pink Short Crew
CLICK HERE

Trey Songz Gets ARrested
CLICK HERE

Charlie Sheen Wants Trump to Die
CLICK HERE

Bella Thorne Looking Tight
CLICK HERE

Posted in:SFW|stepLINKS

2016

29

Dec

Kate Beckinsale Prepares for her Shape Magazine Issue of the Day

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Kate Beckinsale is dancing in her panties or a bikini bottom for shape magazine..

I am not sure what kind of effect that will have on the virgin loser nerds who are obsessed with her and her one movie role in Underworld…

But I know it’ll involve a lot of semen, even though her fans are likely in their mid 30s and older..because young people are too busy having sex with everything to bother obsessing over random bitches who look creepily hot for their age, like they are some kind of vampire, which is why what I do is so irrelevant….

I shoulda been tinder dammit…

Posted in:Kate Beckinsale|SFW

2016

29

Dec

Bella Thorne in Underwear New Hair of the Day

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I always laugh when “celebs” get new hair cuts or hair color and people actually act like it matters – and by people I mean the media that is so starved for content – looking for anything good, different, intersting, click bait-y – that will garner views, lure ad sales, make them fucking matter…

Well let me tell you…no one gives a fuck about Bella Thorne’s new hair, and if they do give a fuck about her new hair, you should probably avoid them..because they are clearly creepy..

In fact if you meet a person who even knows who Bella Thorne is…you should probbaly avid him, and definitely don’t let him babysit your 14 year old daughter…because motherfucker is a creep…

And the fact that I know who Bella Thorne is, or that I follow her along with 7,500 other girls I think are worth fucking – because they post slutty content – and slutty content in a world filled of slutty content – is still slutty content….that we don’t need tabloids, or anything to send out way…it’s like nothing we can do can angle a story – better than just following these idiots on their own social channels – reminding me that my big fail in life was not starting Youtube / Instagram / Facebook and other social networks these people use to polarize their bullshit existence…

Instead I write badly written content about jerking off to their shit, and I don’t like hearing about other people jerking off, why would anyone want to read about me jerking off…hence why I am a failure..

One of these pics is her in her underwear with her old hair – but who cares – it’s all within the theme of girls who don’t matter – trying to matter – and people making them matter – cuz we got nothing else going on

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Bella Thorne|SFW

2016

29

Dec

Cindy Crawford Daughter Clone and her dad of the Day

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[jwplayer mediaid=”199199″]

Cindy Crawford’s daughter and her dad starred in this real creepy video – because she’s a younger version of his wife – almost identical – and he fucked his wife when she was a younger version of himself – and by default would probably want to fuck his daughter – if she wasn’t his daughter – and more importantly 12 years old – but still old enough to be prostituted to the industry by her parents – because they see dollar signs, despite having dollar signs, dude is from the Gerber empire and she’s Cindy Crawford…I mean come on…

That said, I am not implying Gerber wants to bang his daughter, I’m just saying if he found Cindy Hot, he’d find the daughter hot, if the daughter wasn’t his daughter, and even if she was, he probably does, because that’s how penises work…..

I am someone who grew up on 70s incest porn, who doesn’t have a daughter, so the idea of jerking off to my daughter if I did have a daughter – is probably a lot easier for me to stomach – than someone who actually has a daughter and just wants to nurture and protect her like a normal dad – who isn’t a sexual deviant….

But historically, rich bratty dudes are sexual deviant, model fuckers….who do weird shit with other rich friends and have great lawyers to get them off…just ask Trump and that Epstein dude…

Posted in:Cindy Crawford|SFW

2016

29

Dec

Ricki Lake on the Beach of the Day

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Ricki Lake in a bathing suit is probably one of the last people I want to see in a bathing suit…I mean I remember her a 500 pounds on TV, she stated she was fat due to sexual abuse…not so hot… or in John Waters movies and I rememeber her weight loss, but that was pre 1995…and even then…she was the last person I wanted to see in a bathing…sure in a sex tape, obviously, I want to see how everyone, even those terrifying fuck, but bathing suit…not so much…so 20 year laters that feeling hasn’t really changed…but here she is in a bathing suit…it happened…and we got to experience it – and for that – we are better people…or not…none of this shit actually matters…and she’s just having a good time on vacation – leave Ricki alone…she’s an icon to us lowlives who didn’t work and watched daytime tv and always will be…

Good old beach paparazzi magic…to remind us of things we don’t need to see….like old times….

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Ricki Lake|SFW

2016

29

Dec

Rich Kids Nicola Peltz and Sofia Richie Vacation Together of the Day

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Nicola Peltz is the daughter of Billions Nelson Peltz who created Snapple…and owned Wendys and lot of other shit….

So by default – She is a billionaire…or at least an Heiress to billions and that alone makes her a fucking tyrant, not down to earth at all, she lives in a fucking bubble of slave laborors and nannies who coddled her, where she was given everything she ever wanted…you know a princess who has been in a handful of movies her dad probably financed…to shut her up, or to feel less guilty about being an earner rather than a dad….basically an upstate New York Kardashian, less vapid maybe than the LA strain of this virus…but still shit…..shit I’d like to smear on my face like it was war paint…because she’s kind of wonderful…great to look at…and even when she hangs with that rifraff black (in terms of rich people) Sofia Richie..like she was Paris and Sofia was Nicole…trying to relive those moments in what we can assume will be a TV show for the new generation….she gets some hot pics…and does some destructive shit in the grocery store because rich kids – have no consequences…the way real life should be….but isn’t unless your dad is richer than god…

Either way…here are their asses in bikinis…

Posted in:Nicola Peltz|SFW|Sofia Richie

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