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Archive for the Tits Category

2007

24

Jul

I am – Gretchen Mol's Rack is Over the Hill of the Day

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Gretchen Mol

Here’s another post from Julien, our Token Gay Blogger, for all you closet Homos out there!

I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m not looking for a boyfriend but I was seeing (aka fucking) this guy for the past few months. It was by no means exclusive, we were both free to do whatever we wanted to do with whomever we wanted, but if we were both at the same bar/club/
after party/bathhouse/back alley/washroom in the subway station and we had nothing better to fuck, we would go home together.

So anyway I see at this club the other night and I’m all fucked up on whatever pills I found in my jeans, so I go over to him and start making out with him. After about 10 seconds, he stops me and goes I can’t, I started dating someone and it’s serious. We are going to be monogamous. This is coming from one of the biggest sluts I know; I mean this guy has seen more assholes than the entire New York Board of Proctologists. He walks away from me and I felt pretty rejected so
I got more drunk and went home with the first half-decent guy that I saw.

The worst part is it’s not that he rejected me, but it’s that he wasn’t even that good in bed. He was older than me so he had some performing issues, not to mention the fact that he would freak out at the first sign of a little santorum. All in all he wasn’t a good fuck, just an easy one. If only I had gotten to him when he was younger, I bet he could’ve kept going all night. Speaking of things that are way past their prime, here are some pics of Gretchen Mol’s cleavage.

Smooch!

Julien


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2007

23

Jul

I am – Adriana Volpe Topless of the Day

35 Comments »

Adriana Volpe

You can’t fuck with a chick like Adriana Volpe when it comes to looks. Most guys would never even approach her because they know they don’t have a chance, and I definitely know that your virgin ass would spooge inside your pants if she so much as asked you where the restroom is at a restaurant.

Sometimes I’m at the bar and these guys will come up to me who just have no fucking chance, like I am so out of their legue I don’t even understand how they figure it can happen. And like I’m no snob either, and I’m open to different types of guys and don’t always go for the traditional hotties. But at the same time I’m not about to go for the unshowered-dirty shirt-no social skills type of guy (ie: you) either.

Guys need to take a cue sometimes and really assess whether they think they have a chance with chicks before just diving in, it would save both sexes a lot of time and embarrassment. I was talking with my friend on Saturday night while we were out at the bar and saw this bartender who I definitely would have liked to take home let him ravage me. I wouldn’t go up and talk to him though, and I had to explain to my friend that I never go up and talk to a guy if I’m not confident he will sleep with me, because, as I’m sure you know, dealing with rejection sucks. But for real, I basically figure out the odds of whether it will happen, and weigh them against how I bad I want to cock, and go from there. That night the odds weren’t in my favor and the house one.

Anyways, Women like Adriana Volpe are the reason women like Tara Reid pay money to get their bodie’s fucked up by cosmetic surgeons. Suckers!

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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2007

19

Jul

I am – Michelle Marsh and Her Big Jugs of the Day

1 Comment »

Michelle Marsh

Michelle Marsh is the type of girl that most of you virgins out there would like to be your first. She pretty much fits the stereotype of standard beauty for young guys everywhere to beat off to under the covers. I mean really, you can’t go wrong with blonde hair, nice body and big tits. The only problem is that if, by some crazy hell-freezes-over-pigs-fly-in-the-air chance you did actually get her to be you first, you would probably bust in your pants as soon as you touched her tit, like when Forest first grabbed Jenny’s goods in Forest Gump.

Teenaged guys are the worst to have sex with, which is why I pretty much never fuck guys my own age. First of all they have no fucking concept of foreplay and just want to stick their dick in you as soon as their pants come off (maybe because they know they are going to bust a nut in like 23 seconds?) If you try to get on top, they don’t really know what to do and get confused (Yes, I’m a top). They hump you like a little jack rabbit, but have no real rhythm or timing in regards to the whole thing, finish at lightning speed and then pass the fuck out before you come back from the bathroom.

So yeah, to all you teenaged boys out there, I’ll stick to older men because I have severe unresolved Daddy issues that are going to affect my dating habits for the rest of the life, and you stick to internet pictures of Michelle Marsh and humping your pillow while Mommy isn’t looking. Deal?

hugs and kisses
Marie-Eve Martinez


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2007

18

Jul

I am – Pam Anderson Short Dress of the Day

1 Comment »

Pam Anderson Walking

My friend is trying to look for a roommate in this big 3 bedroom apartment he has in a great area of the city. Only problem being that him and the other guy he lives with live in complete and utter filth and argue with each other about which one is responsible for it and talk behind each other back blaming the other one. It’s actually pretty fucking funny to listen to two people so in denial in regards to their own living habits.

I had to listen to one of them bitch last night about it, because apparently they are having trouble finding a roommate because of it, and I guess the thought never occurred to either of them tat maybe if they took out the garbage and got rid of the smell of cat piss, they may get some takers. Our house is a piece of shit, but for the most, it’s clean, you know?

I never understood and still don’t understand people that are fucking dirty and live in filth, and I don’t mean homeless people, I mean normal people with jobs, a place to live and functioning lives. The other day I was walking to get breakfast with my friend and we were walking behind this old dude and I had to stop and let him get about 20 feet ahead of us because the wind was blowing in our direction and all I could smell was fucking piss from the jeans or whatever the fuck he was wearing.

This all had a point and was somehow going to link back to Pam Anderson, but now I can’t stop thinking about that guy and feel like I’m going to yak, so photos is all you get. Hugs and Kisses.


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2007

17

Jul

I am – Jessica Simpson's Boobs of the Day

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Jessica Simpson

Our token gay blogger, Julien, sent this to me this morning via email, and since I know most of you are virgins, and probably closet homos anyways, I figured I would post this and give you some insight into your little “dilemma”.

As a gay, I know that “Gaydar” really exists. I can spot a fellow homo walking down the street, riding a bus, showering at the gym, hell, wherever. I’ve been doing it ever since I knew that I wanted to kiss other guys, which was at the age of 4. I’ve gotten it down to a science. I know when a guy is a fag before he does. Now, a lot of people, mostly straight men, think that Gaydar is bullshit. Probably because they are afraid that the gays are going to find out that they are actually in the closet. (PS we already know)

I’ve decided that the straight male equivalent to Gaydar is “Fake Breastar”. Every straight guy I know claims that they can spot fake breasts from a mile away. They claim it’s in the way they bounce, their shape etc. Now, being a pure-blooded homosexual, my breast experience is very limited. I touch a boob maybe once every 3 years (and against my will of course). Here is Jessica Simpson at an after-party for her bullshit swimwear launch. As I stated before, I
don’t know a tit from a hole in the ground, so I’m not saying that Jessica’s boobs are fake.

But I do think they might be gay.

Smooch!

Julian


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2007

17

Jul

I am – Jessica Simpson’s Boobs of the Day

5 Comments »

Jessica Simpson

Our token gay blogger, Julien, sent this to me this morning via email, and since I know most of you are virgins, and probably closet homos anyways, I figured I would post this and give you some insight into your little “dilemma�.

As a gay, I know that “Gaydar� really exists. I can spot a fellow homo walking down the street, riding a bus, showering at the gym, hell, wherever. I’ve been doing it ever since I knew that I wanted to kiss other guys, which was at the age of 4. I’ve gotten it down to a science. I know when a guy is a fag before he does. Now, a lot of people, mostly straight men, think that Gaydar is bullshit. Probably because they are afraid that the gays are going to find out that they are actually in the closet. (PS we already know)

I’ve decided that the straight male equivalent to Gaydar is “Fake Breastar�. Every straight guy I know claims that they can spot fake breasts from a mile away. They claim it’s in the way they bounce, their shape etc. Now, being a pure-blooded homosexual, my breast experience is very limited. I touch a boob maybe once every 3 years (and against my will of course). Here is Jessica Simpson at an after-party for her bullshit swimwear launch. As I stated before, I
don’t know a tit from a hole in the ground, so I’m not saying that Jessica’s boobs are fake.

But I do think they might be gay.

Smooch!

Julian


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2007

16

Jul

I am – Paris Hilton's Post Prison Nip Slip of the Day

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PAris Hilton Header

I’d like to write something hilarious about this and then veer off into some sort of story that seems unrelated at the start, but brings everything together in the end, but my wireless is fucking up again, and it just took me half an hour to load 3 photos and frankly, I’m pissed off.

So all you get is blondie here, with her nipples hanging out, like a pepperoni flying off an NYC deli pizza, as usual, and in the end, do I really have to say more then that?


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2007

16

Jul

I am – Paris Hilton’s Post Prison Nip Slip of the Day

15 Comments »

PAris Hilton Header

I’d like to write something hilarious about this and then veer off into some sort of story that seems unrelated at the start, but brings everything together in the end, but my wireless is fucking up again, and it just took me half an hour to load 3 photos and frankly, I’m pissed off.

So all you get is blondie here, with her nipples hanging out, like a pepperoni flying off an NYC deli pizza, as usual, and in the end, do I really have to say more then that?


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2007

16

Jul

I am – Diane Kruger Naked of the Day

13 Comments »

Diane Kruger Naked

This is Diane Kruger, German actress famous for playing Helen in “Troy” and also for being in “National Treasure,” which is for some godforsaken reason filming a sequel in London right now. She kind of looks like a pin-up for the Hitler Youth in these pix, well, being German and all.

I used to get her confused with Sienna Miller in 2004, but then Miller shacked up with Jude Law, got traded in for the Nanny, making herself a name. I don’t know when these were taken, but Diane Kruger is naked, so have fun jerking off to Helen of Troy.

About a year ago, I had one of those experiences where I felt like fucking Helen of Troy for 20 minutes when I scored the hottest guy in an exclusive new bar. I stalked and slithered up to him, we sealed the deal on the dance floor. I was looking for love in all the wrong places, but this felt right, because it was raining like crazy as we ran off to his apartment, like something out of a Doris Day movie. All wet, we strolled into his marble floored building, then got down to business. As he spent ONE minute releasing his load, i wondered why there was only a bed and lamp in the huge apartment. Finally he rolled off me and bolted for the shower. Like, what? I don’t have ‘ex-hooker’ tatooted on my vulva and I don’t have any diseases (miraculously) and the trojan was involved, so what was that about? As he scrubbed himself down, I dressed myself, unsatisfied (because, come on, 1 minute, even Jesus at the end of his prime was better than that). As I pulled on my wet jeans, i put two and two together… like probably this wasn’t his apartment, and he was the broker or something, and had OCD about cleanliness, becuase when i was a hooker, I was all about perfect hygeine, and still am.

That manwhore left me feeling dirty and used because this time it wasn’t for survival or pay, it was for the moment, and asswipe treated me like a dumpster slut. I bet Diane Kruger has never been treated as if “ex-hooker” was tatooted across her forehead, but i bet Sienna Miller has. though.

Obediently yours,

Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)


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2007

12

Jul

I am – Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

1 Comment »

Abigail Clancy topless on a yacht. Apparently she’s a catwalk and lingerie model. Sounds like a perfect candidate for rich guys to hire her as their girlfriend to fuck. She’s from the UK, so those rich guys are likely soccer players, or what she calls Football players, who charter these yachts for aspiring models no one has ever heard of to pose topless on for the paparazzi. It helps everyone involved.

I figure that anyone who doesn’t look repulsive in a bikini and has cause to be on a yacht is worth my attention….only because I can put them in my internet database of gold diggers if ever I get rich, only that won’t work, because by then there will be a whole new breed of “Lingerie” and “catwalk” models…

Now let me upload the pics, unless I fall asleep, which happens. I’m drunk and this is boring…but tits….look at those tits!


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