Ass Archives - Page 32 of 44 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

04

Sep

I am – Eva Longoria Bikini Ass Pictures of the Day

Here are some pictures of Eva Longoria in a bikini that you’ve all seen already, but I am posting because that’s how I do things. I am not the fastest or the most thorough, but I got shit to do like try to convince girls to get naked on webcam or household shit like sit in the pile of dirty laundry including my wife’s shit stained underwear that is sprawled all over the fucking apartment….if you looked at it you’d think we were some kind of rich family, but reality is my wife gets her underwear at the second hand clothing store….since she’s huge she takes 2 pairs and doubles them up as one by sewing them togehter….

I was at a party this weekend and it was daytime outdoor shit filled with crackheads who were on a three day bender going strong…amongst them was a girl with a raped looking face covered in welts walking around in a pair of polka dot booty shorts, that were riding so high up her box I could practically see her anus. I pulled out my camera to try and stepTV the shit, because I never see chicks in bikinis in person and I never see crackwhores without pants on for free, it usually costs 5 dollars for that shit….unfortunately, she was with two crazy meth driven homeless looking dudes with a dog who didn’t like what I was doing and got all in my face jacked on crank and they got in the way of my stepTV magic…

I really don’t have much to say other than I like the way Longoria’s pussy hangs, I love that she bends over for the camera, I just hate her fucking rat face, but who cares what I think, I am not an authority on this shit….I am just some pervert with a shitty website no one reads….

The Close-Up Shots…

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Eva Longoria Bachelorette Party Cameltoe
Eva Longoria Bikini Ass
Eva Longoria Volleyball Ass of the Day
Eva Longoria Working Out Ass

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Crack|Eva Longoria|Unsorted

2007

04

Sep

I am – Anne Hathaway is Boring and Pasty with a Bad Ass in a Bikini She's Already Worn of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Anne Hathaway wearing the same bathing suit she wore last month on some boat in St Tropez. It is safe to say that these are old and from her last boring non-sexual romp on the boat, but since they are making the rounds and dated for this past weekend I will post them. I know that celebs do not wear the same bikini twice, especially one as unflattering as this….but out of respect of the bikini manufacturers, I am am pretty sure no design or fabric out there could make Anne Hathaway look good…and I am not even talking about the color of her skin, because I am not a racist….

Reality is that I was always into hot chicks, but ended up with white chicks, I don’t know, maybe it is because I am Mexican and I know that Spanish girls are insane and get made and kill you in your sleep….and black girls can be hot but black guys don’t date them and go for fat blond chicks instead so I figure it’s best to stay away if their own community wants nothing to do with their vagina that either do I….and Asian girls are all small and tight bodied and built like teenage girls love serving their man but don’t seem to love serving fat Mexican dudes and I never really met many Natives, I don’t huff gas or hang out on Indian Reserves in my Teepee, but from what I understand they are all knocked up by the age of 15 so I just keep my distance, even though I love teenage pregnancy….Indian chicks and arab chicks I see just aren’t accessible, they are in lock-down with overbearing husbands and traditional clothing, behind the mask is often a pretty hot piece of ass, but getting under the silky fabric is almost impossible….and Jew chicks are good cuz before they get married, they like sucking dick, they learned it in summer camp and like to perfect it because they are so ambitious, but they have strong family values and have to stick with their own kind in some kind of rebuilding the empire after WWII way, they are also superficial and I was always too poor and too ugly to land that…so I stick to middle america, white bread bitches who are down on their luck and don’t mind some Mexican cock because their families don’t bother with them and men of their own kind are going for the higher quality version of them….Point of all this is to say that even if I like white chicks, this bitch is too fucking white and the fact that she’s been out on a boat in the sun for a month and still looks this fucking white, leads me to believe bitch has something seriously wrong with her….like Aids.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway’s Boring Blue Bikini Pictures
Anne Hathaway’s Tit and is Boring Pictures
Some Anne Hathaway Cleavage Pics
Anne Hathaway’s Tits in Brokeback Mountain

Posted in:Anne Hathaway|Ass|Bikini|Tits|Unsorted

2007

04

Sep

I am – Anne Hathaway is Boring and Pasty with a Bad Ass in a Bikini She’s Already Worn of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Anne Hathaway wearing the same bathing suit she wore last month on some boat in St Tropez. It is safe to say that these are old and from her last boring non-sexual romp on the boat, but since they are making the rounds and dated for this past weekend I will post them. I know that celebs do not wear the same bikini twice, especially one as unflattering as this….but out of respect of the bikini manufacturers, I am am pretty sure no design or fabric out there could make Anne Hathaway look good…and I am not even talking about the color of her skin, because I am not a racist….

Reality is that I was always into hot chicks, but ended up with white chicks, I don’t know, maybe it is because I am Mexican and I know that Spanish girls are insane and get made and kill you in your sleep….and black girls can be hot but black guys don’t date them and go for fat blond chicks instead so I figure it’s best to stay away if their own community wants nothing to do with their vagina that either do I….and Asian girls are all small and tight bodied and built like teenage girls love serving their man but don’t seem to love serving fat Mexican dudes and I never really met many Natives, I don’t huff gas or hang out on Indian Reserves in my Teepee, but from what I understand they are all knocked up by the age of 15 so I just keep my distance, even though I love teenage pregnancy….Indian chicks and arab chicks I see just aren’t accessible, they are in lock-down with overbearing husbands and traditional clothing, behind the mask is often a pretty hot piece of ass, but getting under the silky fabric is almost impossible….and Jew chicks are good cuz before they get married, they like sucking dick, they learned it in summer camp and like to perfect it because they are so ambitious, but they have strong family values and have to stick with their own kind in some kind of rebuilding the empire after WWII way, they are also superficial and I was always too poor and too ugly to land that…so I stick to middle america, white bread bitches who are down on their luck and don’t mind some Mexican cock because their families don’t bother with them and men of their own kind are going for the higher quality version of them….Point of all this is to say that even if I like white chicks, this bitch is too fucking white and the fact that she’s been out on a boat in the sun for a month and still looks this fucking white, leads me to believe bitch has something seriously wrong with her….like Aids.

Related Posts:

Anne Hathaway’s Boring Blue Bikini Pictures
Anne Hathaway’s Tit and is Boring Pictures
Some Anne Hathaway Cleavage Pics
Anne Hathaway’s Tits in Brokeback Mountain

Posted in:Anne Hathaway|Ass|Bikini|Tits|Unsorted

2007

03

Sep

I am – Hilary Swank Bikini Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Hilary Swank in a white bikini, because I love white bikinis. Girls don’t cry and please never realize that they are see through and that we can see your total vagina when you wear them, because you’re too busy making sure that they don’t show nipple through. It’s like the inventor of the white bikini knew just how to distract a girl enough to not realize we all see your baby maker.

Hilary Swank may not be one of those pretty girls you see on the street, she may look rough and rugged and a bit like a dude who doesn’t cry, but reality is that she hasn’t got shit on the cougar I met last night. I was out with a couple of people getting drunk it’s what I do and one of the guys I was with was called over by a cougar sitting a lone. I never witnessed a cougar in her natural habitat, I only experienced it through second hand stories, but she just waved over to him to come sit with her and he went. She was chatting him up, probably talking about when she was in her 20s back in the 80s, maybe about her daughter who was his age, probably about how she had breast cancer and the scare made her leave her family and re-live her youth…I was just sitting across the way running dialog in my head of what she was saying, but then I realized that she was a hooker, with clear heeled hooker looking boots and bright red hooker looking hair and rough beat down face that only years of being a hooker can do or you….

Anyway, dude sat with her for a while before realizing it and when he did he didn’t cry but he was mad about the time he wasted talking to her and took her to the back alley and punished her face with his dick for misleading him…at least that what he said he did, but I am pretty sure dude’s a lot like you can the only punishing he can do is to himself because no one else gives him the time of day….even when he pays them….

I am just still drinking because it’s fucking labor day asshole…so bear with me if my posts don’t make any sense at all…

Related Posts:

Hilary Swank Bikini Pictures
Hilary Swank See Though Nipples
Hilary Swank Older Bikini Pictures

2007

03

Sep

I am – Vanessa Hudgens Bikini Pictures of the Day

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So this high school musical cast is really a hot thing right now. It seems no matter how old I get, teenage girls will be dumb enough to fall for these shit movies and tv shows and they will believe all the hype of the publicity stunt that is the relationship between 2 of the characters. They will still cut his pics out of magazines and put it on their wall like he was Lance Bass in 1999 only to find out that this Vanessa Hudgens – Zac Effron relationship is one based on shopping together, doing each other’s hair and make-up and talking about sucking off boys with each other.

Speaking of taking it up the shit hole, the walls in the shit hole I call home are pretty paper fucking thing and if I am not hearing my neighbors fighting, fucking, shitting or getting high, I am usually asleep or passed out drunk in the corner. Tonight I came home to the song “Love Hurts” on fucking repeat. I thought maybe dude had fallen asleep to that shit but it’s been about 12 hours and it’s still fucking going. I can only assume that asshole tried to Owen Wilson himself, but succeeded, because let’s face it, real suicidal people don’t fuck up for people to find them and pamper them back to happiness, that shit is called a cry for attention and my neighbors statement is “look what you made me do bitch”, provided he is actually dead. I do know that if I hear the song one more time, I may be the motherfucker they are scraping off the pavement but that’s just because I hated it to begin with and 12 hours later, I am starting to hate myself. If the hall starts stinking, I’ll know to call the landlord and complain…maybe I’ll get a free month out of all this…

Here are some pictures of Vanessa Hudgens from high school musical in her bikini, in Hawaii with her fag/boyfriend, playin in the sand, like they are a bunch of queers…which it turns out…they probably are….

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Jail Bait from the Teen Choice Awards
Ashley Tisdale Bikini Pictures
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2007

31

Aug

I am – Paris Hilton and Her Sister Partying of the Day

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I went to a bar the other night because I like getting drunk. I sat in the corner and drank my face off because the drinks were cheap and that’s what I do. ON the dancefloor there was a bitch who was doing the Paris Hilton. Now I don’t know if you guys know what the Paris Hilton is, but it’s a distinct fucking Bow-Legged stance dance that younger girls picked up by watching The Simple Life or visiting Perez Hilton. Anyway, this hot model lookin’ bitch is doing the Paris Hilton and to her right was this scraggly bitch with extensions falling out of her hair, a leopard print bra was hangin out of her shirt and short shorts jacked up her ass. So you have this tall thin hot model doing the Paris Hilton and her little ratty friend trying to get attention to make-up for her obvious shortcomings by rubbing her cunt up against the speaker and there I am thinking that I just experienced the very local Simple Life with girls I’d rather fuck. Reality is that the model will probably develop a drug addiction and her only gigs will be at the local supermarket handing out tampon samples and the rat will end up knocked up with some black baby who she doesn’t know who the father is, but these bitches will still be less useless to the world than the real Simple Lie. I would have bought them a drink to celebrate but figured why bother, I’d rather use my limited budget on myself, drink special or not and they don’t need drinks they were already jacked on Meth….

Here are some pictures of Paris and her useless sister dancing up at some club in some place recently….

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2007

30

Aug

I am – Karen Mulder Bikini on a Boat Pictures of the Day

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Karen Mulder is some model who was big at some point in her career and tried to kill herself in 2002 by taking pills like she was Owen Wilson. IN 2006 she had a kid and I am reading wikipedia right now…..

Speaking of suicide and kids, I am always fascinated when a guy tells me he has a kid, it means that some girl liked him enough to keep his baby and I just can’t seem to grasp that concept, because girls never even liked me enough to have sex with me when sober, return my calls when, admit they ever banged me, or talk to me if they ever ran into me on the street.

Either way, I landed my wife because she was really fucking lonely and even she wouldn’t have had another kid to keep me around so I am pretty much this dude who will never have a kid because no girl would carry my baby and I will always remain fascinated with guys who tell me that a woman either wants their kid or has their kid, because it means they are doing something I am not and that they are by far more a man than I’ll ever be. I have low self-esteem but the only because after years of the same message being driven down my throat you realize that you suck at something, in my case life. I think it makes for good comedy.

At least better comedy than your depressing life… living the suburban life, with the suburban middle management job you hate, going home to your boring wife who is 35 pounds heavier than when you first met, and ugly kids… making your monthly payments on your house and car…over-extending yourself because you want to take the family to Disneyland, or because your kid’s in private school because you want a better life for him and you need to buy him designer clothes so he doesn’t feel inadequate amongst his peers…Or you’re living at home with your mom, unable to find a job, jerking off more than ever, spending your time online trying to find pussy but even the girls you pay to go on cam won’t show you their cunts…forcing your to carve a vagina into your bedpost, the same bed you slept on when you were ten, because that’s the only thing that would fuck you…….I guess there’s a lot funny about that..

Here are some pictures of Karen Mulder, the bitch who failed at killing herself because she takes life and herself too fucking seriously, while on a boat tanning in St Tropez because life is so hard on her….don’t take yourself too seriously, have fun with your shortcomings because if you can’t laugh about shit you end up being miserable, and there’s nothing fun about crying, now is there, pussy. I am pretty inspirational. I am like a modern day Batman…

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Anne Hathaway Bikini on a Yacht
Adriana Volpe Topless of the Day
Rebecca Gayheart Topless on a Yacht
Abigail Clancy Topless on a Yacht

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2007

30

Aug

I am – Lauren Conrad Bikini Pics of the Day

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It turns out that girls from The Hills were all out on the beach the other day, running around in their bikinis, and giving us all something to look at, I can only assume something scandalous is about to happen on the show, otherwise they wouldn’t be out together. I may have never seen the show and I have no idea what their dynamic is, but I can guarantee that they all hate each other’s guts and call each other cunts and have cat fights behind closed doors but that’s only because that’s how girls are, especially stupid girls who crave attention and want to be the big stars, but in reality what the fuck do I know about girls….other than that I love tits, ass and vagina…

I was hanging out at the local cosmetic counter this past weekend, because on weekends in the early afternoon, girls borrow their parent’s cars and show up to get their essentials for the week or for the night out that lies ahead so they they show up in casual clothes, like tights or yoga pants or whatever makes their asses look amazing….Either way, the only products they have for dudes in the place is cologne so I’m standing there in the cologne section, trying not to get busted looking at this hot 18 year old’s ass that is squatting and I can swear I can see her full box defintion from behind, when this homeless looking tattooed up 60 year old bitch walks in and starts giving herself a whore shower. So she’s spraying herself down with all different types of cologne and is shaking like a meth addict and sees me looking at the hot chick through the shelving….She doesn’t realize that I am being a pervert and thinks I am actually shopping and that I just busted her, so she comes over to me and starts giving me advice on what cologne to buy, like she’s an expert and a serious cologne shopper when in reality she’s just tired of smelling her own ass when she sits down and this is her best solution to the problem because it’s free unlike doing laundry…Either way, she fucks off and I look back to the hot ass and it’s gone..

Here are those Lauren Conrad pics, because she’s still young and tight bodied and I’d totally watch her squatting in front of me at the cosmetics counter of the local department store…

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2007

29

Aug

I am – Phoebe Price Bikini Pics of the Day

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Phobe Price

I have no idea who Phobe Price is but they talk about her on a few other sites I go on, and I didn’t want to make it seem like we weren’t in the know, even though I just admitted to all 3 of you reading out there that I don’t know who she is anyways, thereby admitting that we aren’t in the know. But thats beside the point.

The resident slut of my old highschool was famous for befriending loser fat and/or Ugly chicks in hopes that it would make her more physically appealing to the round of jocks and preppy assholes she opened her legs to on the regular. Nothing makes a dog hotter then when you put it next to a pig. She would let them gang bang her at the big partie’s they would have when their parents went out of town to Florida, or whever the fuck rich people go on vacation these days, I wouldn’t know.

It was a fantastic twist of fate when during a yearly physical for the football team, one of the guys found out he had got Herpes and that not only had he traced it back to getting it from this slut, but half the fucking team had it thanks to all the group activities they had been having on the weekends. It got even more funny when a few of the fat girls found out they had it too. Turned out that the slut was bi-sexual and used to fuck around with her fat friends before she dropped them. The outbreak was so bad they had one of those school assemblies about safe sex and showed us those awesome outdated movies from the 1950’s full of safe sex propaganda.

I doubt Phobe Price has Herpes, but you can bet your ass she’s been the “Ugly Friend” on more then one occasion.

hugs and kisses
Marie-eve Martinez

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Taryn Manning Poolside of the Day
Rihanna Bikini Pics of the Day

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Phoebe Price|Unsorted

2007

29

Aug

I am – Bianca Gacoigne Bikini Nipple Pictures of the Day

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I have posted about this bitch before. She’s pretty much a nobody. Her mom was married to a UK footballer and she ended up on some reality show where she got drunk and slutted out and since then she has been on a quest to be the biggest whore out there but she’s doing a pretty bad fucking job proven by the fact that her fake tits suck and she’s wearing a bikini….if she was a real whore there’d be a dick in her mouth or something similar like maybe a vagina….

Either way, I got punched in the face yesterday. I wasn’t too surprised considering I tend to say pretty funny things to people randomly that they always seem to take offense to. This time it was because I was walking down the street and heard a baby crying really fucking loud. I looked up ahead and saw a mother in her van and they where black and she was trying to calm the baby down. I turn to a guy standing about 10 feet away from them and think this is a perfect opportunity to drop a harmless racist joke. So I say “you know what the baby is crying right?” and the guy says “why” and I say “Cuz it just found out it was black”…..seriously a totally harmless joke but it turns out that he was the father of the kid and doesn’t like black jokes since he’s all United Nations and marries black women and has black babies….I am not a racist, but based on this guys reaction for thinking I am one, I don’t suggest you be one either.

That is today’s life lesson, now look at this Bianca Gascoigne bitch in a bikini and realize that I’d bang her even if she was black because I don’t discriminate, I only do it sometimes for the sake of jokes….