Ass Archives - Page 33 of 44 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

28

Aug

I am – Amy Winehouse Bikini Pictures of the Day

I realized today that my life is lacking something and that something is a little more Amy Winehouse in a bikini, thank god my dreams were answered, so that I can go on another day like Owen Wilson.

I don’t know what it is about crackheads that are half naked and wet, because it’s something you can see pretty much any downtown strip, but knowing that Winehouse has boatloads of money makes shit a lot more exciting. Poor addicts are played out.

There’s also something exciting about an emaciated crackhead like the fact that their heads look massively huge and I love horses, they are classy and the fact that her uterus is already hanging halfway out her box, all you gotta do is throw your load at her and hope some sticks, if you’re trying to K-Fed her and that’s a lot easier than those frigid bitches with tight pussies and internal reproductive organs…who probably wear underwear and don’t put out.

I just noticed her top is see through, and crackhead nipples are way cooler than any non-crackhead nipple because all you gotta do is wave 5 dollars in front of their noses to get a piece instead of actually having to talk to a slut…Try to prove me wrong asshole.

Related Posts:

Amy Winehouse Bra
Amy Winehouse Dirty Underwear
Amy Winehouse Nipple and Prison Tattoo
Amy Winehouse Nipple and Meth Skin

2007

28

Aug

I am – Danielle Lloyd Bikini Pictures of the Day…

2 Comments »

I don’t know when these were taken, but they seem to be doing the internet rounds today and being the slowest fucking blog to update, I figured I might as well post them. Her name is Danielle Lloyd, she’s pretty much useless unless you sell bikinis, because she is always in fucking bikinis and because I don’t know who she is, but then again I have no idea who anyone is, I also had no idea that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself yesterday, I had no idea that Carmen Electra was white, and I think I started feeling the anxiety of being a total hack, or like that the pressure was on or some shit because I ended up dreaming that I was at some party with all the other bloggers and no one would talk to me, I would just sit there getting wasted and yelling at random people as they passed by while a group of guys in the other room sat and played nintendo and guitar. It was the closest thing I had to a gay dream in years, there were no girls, just blown up laminated posters of some of their most famous posts, like the Jessica Alba bikini ass on all fours picture and shit.

Either way, I am a hack, I am just waking up, this is Danielle Lloyd and I am not a gay blogger, and if I was invited to one of their get-togethers which I wouldn’t be, because they don’t consider me one of them, I wouldn’t go, and if I did go, I’d bring a crackwhore to piss randomly in random placed when I got bored, on demand, ideally a stinky fucking pee on the couch just to scare the virgins a bit.

So the life lesson is that I will not take a night off of drinking and I will keep ripping off other blogs so that they continue hating me…so that I don’t become one of them…

Related Posts
Danielle Lloyd in a Pink Animal Print Bikini
Danielle Lloyd White Bikini
Danielle Loydd in a Bikini for Cancer
More Danielle Lloyd In a Bikini, It Seems to Be All Bitch Does

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Danielle Lloyd|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Elle Macpherson Surfing of the Day

1 Comment »

It seems like surfing is the new thing for middle-aged celebrities to learn. I am going to admit that I have always wanted to be a surfer because they get all the bitches and are living the dream, unfortunately I don’t know how to swim, I am drunk too often, and I am too fat for any surfboard to support my weight – but I still like to believe that one day I’ll be living the dream….

Here are some pictures of a SLAMMIN’ Elle Macpherson in a bikini that someone sent in to me. She was one of the original bikini models who opened my eyes to bikini models and I remember spending endless nights curled up to my Sports Illustrated 1988 or 89 video where here nipples were exposed numerous times…..

I came across this story I wrote a while ago and figured I’d post it because I don’t think I have yet and since it’s a true story, you need to read it….

I knew this gay kid who was from a gay family. He had a brother and he had a father and he never really spoke of his mother, but it is safe to say that she is either dead or fucked off on them. They grew up in a good part of town and they had a nice house and a good female influence in the shape of a 250 pound aunt who was the biggest leather wearing dyke in the county. His dad was a fag, his brother was a fag and he was a fag but he was in the closet, his dad was in the closet and his brother was in the closet. They were all in the fucking closet for fear of being judged, disowned or whatever because the dad played the front of the homophobe while doing dudes in his spare time.

The family had an unfortunate experience of finding out that each other were into the cock when they all accidentally ended up at the Gay Sauna on the same night and one brother happened to be on the receiving end of the Glory hole and another brother ended up on the left side glory hole and his dad ended up on the right side of the glory hole and dude ended up servicing each of them to completion unknowingly until the meet at greet in the hot tub where the dad decided that it was time for a sit down and talk about him being a faggot and the faggot way of life.

So the point of the story is that the gay kid I knew sucked off his dad and his brother in one sitting, one night, a series of unfortunate events and that story is more fucked up that these pictures of Elle Macpherson could turn any man straight…..

Related Posts:

Elle Macpherson is Insane
Elle Macpherson and her STD
Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfing
Courtney Cox Surfing

2007

27

Aug

I am – Lohan's Sex Scene from I Know Who Killed Me of the Day

No Comments »

I never ended up seeing the Lohan movie “I Know Who Killed Me” because I don’t have money for that shit and because I don’t think anyone else did meaning it stayed in theaters for all of 3 weeks….but I am okay with watching the Lohan sex scene because I can only assume this is how she fucks in real life, and knowing that if I was really in the room with her and not just there in fantasy, all I’d be thinking about is shit, I hope I don’t get herpes…why the fuck am I doing this…I am going to totally get herpes…I’ve been alive 37 years and I’ve done a lot of bad things…but never got herpes…I can’t believe my dick is working this is amazing…fuck I don’t want herpes…then I’d cum. here’s the video.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Sex Scene|Tits|Unsorted

2007

27

Aug

I am – Lohan’s Sex Scene from I Know Who Killed Me of the Day

1 Comment »

I never ended up seeing the Lohan movie “I Know Who Killed Me” because I don’t have money for that shit and because I don’t think anyone else did meaning it stayed in theaters for all of 3 weeks….but I am okay with watching the Lohan sex scene because I can only assume this is how she fucks in real life, and knowing that if I was really in the room with her and not just there in fantasy, all I’d be thinking about is shit, I hope I don’t get herpes…why the fuck am I doing this…I am going to totally get herpes…I’ve been alive 37 years and I’ve done a lot of bad things…but never got herpes…I can’t believe my dick is working this is amazing…fuck I don’t want herpes…then I’d cum. here’s the video.

Posted in:Ass|Lindsay Lohan|Sex Scene|Tits|Unsorted

2007

26

Aug

I am – Jennifer Aniston's Small Bikini Showing Her Ass of the Day

No Comments »

Jennifer Aniston Small Bikini Clad Ass

I know Greek girls are supposed to have big child bearing asses and that’s why they take it up the ass so easily, so it’s possible that these Jennifer Aniston shots are some kind of optical illusion and she’s really rockin’ a XXL, but by the looks of it, she’s in a XXS and shit’s barely covering her ass. Maybe next time she’ll get it right and use the bikini bottoms to cover the real offensiveness in these pictures and that’s her face. I am talking busted down pick-up truck face that reminds me of last week’s kitchen garbage or maybe even an old catcher’s mitt, but her body is pretty banging and I do my best to not hate on bitches with hot bodies, even if they look like they were mauled by a bear when camping as a child or some shit…

I was out in some random club in some random town with some random people. I ended up there by getting in the car with people I didn’t really know and going for the ride because they were cool with taking me along with them and I was pretty tired of being downtown and ready for a change in the outskirts of hell. It turns out that the outskirts of hell attracts a hell of a lot of slutty looking girls who like talking to random people, not so much me because I look like an overweight mountain man and chicks that have bleached hair and fake tits and halter tops get enough of that at work when old men like me pay them 10 dollars a song to grab their tits…Either way, at one point in the night these 3 ugly chicks all with fake tits were doing shots in the corner. I wanted to join in but they weren’t having it but I did get to listen to their conversation and all they were talking about were their fake tits, how many CCs they had in each, who their doctor was, whether they had sensation back and all this fake tit shit. It was like seeing three guys with the same car randomly meet in the shopping center parking lot and start comparing their engines…..

Aniston may not have fake tits, but she does have hot tits, and that’s pretty much the end of this post. I’d ask for your feedback, but I really don’t give a fuck about what you think. Asshole.

Related Posts:

Jennifer Aniston Bikini Top Pictures
Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures…
Jennifer Aniston’s Nipple

2007

26

Aug

I am – Jennifer Aniston’s Small Bikini Showing Her Ass of the Day

8 Comments »

Jennifer Aniston Small Bikini Clad Ass

I know Greek girls are supposed to have big child bearing asses and that’s why they take it up the ass so easily, so it’s possible that these Jennifer Aniston shots are some kind of optical illusion and she’s really rockin’ a XXL, but by the looks of it, she’s in a XXS and shit’s barely covering her ass. Maybe next time she’ll get it right and use the bikini bottoms to cover the real offensiveness in these pictures and that’s her face. I am talking busted down pick-up truck face that reminds me of last week’s kitchen garbage or maybe even an old catcher’s mitt, but her body is pretty banging and I do my best to not hate on bitches with hot bodies, even if they look like they were mauled by a bear when camping as a child or some shit…

I was out in some random club in some random town with some random people. I ended up there by getting in the car with people I didn’t really know and going for the ride because they were cool with taking me along with them and I was pretty tired of being downtown and ready for a change in the outskirts of hell. It turns out that the outskirts of hell attracts a hell of a lot of slutty looking girls who like talking to random people, not so much me because I look like an overweight mountain man and chicks that have bleached hair and fake tits and halter tops get enough of that at work when old men like me pay them 10 dollars a song to grab their tits…Either way, at one point in the night these 3 ugly chicks all with fake tits were doing shots in the corner. I wanted to join in but they weren’t having it but I did get to listen to their conversation and all they were talking about were their fake tits, how many CCs they had in each, who their doctor was, whether they had sensation back and all this fake tit shit. It was like seeing three guys with the same car randomly meet in the shopping center parking lot and start comparing their engines…..

Aniston may not have fake tits, but she does have hot tits, and that’s pretty much the end of this post. I’d ask for your feedback, but I really don’t give a fuck about what you think. Asshole.

Related Posts:

Jennifer Aniston Bikini Top Pictures
Jennifer Aniston Bikini Pictures…
Jennifer Aniston’s Nipple

2007

23

Aug

I am – Jade Jagger Nude Beach Pictures of the Day

1 Comment »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

I once wrote that I loved this bitch, I am not sure why, because she’s in her late 30’s and that’s not usually my style, I like younger fresher meat, but she’s the daughter of Mick and Bianca Jagger and I guess she’s normally hot and has a lot of money, just not so hot when naked on the beach.

I think the funniest thing about this shit is that it reminds me of my life. For some reason whenever I used to convince a drunk girl to get naked for me, or flash me her tits or shows me her box, I always miss it the first time around, like I wasn’t ready for it and when I ask them to do it again they always just think I am some pervert trying to get a second peak even when I am paying them…I remember hooking up an hour with a frigid whore, I didn’t really think shit was possible but bitch would let you bang her but she wanted the lights off, she wanted to do it missionary and she refused to do much more than lie there like you were fucking a scared virgin, only she was a hooker and her pussy wasn’t built like a virgin, it was purchased bad sex and I guess she catered to guys who liked to pretend they were getting with the 50 year old Jewish or Italian wife who never goes down on them, I figure it was either for guys who were still living in their mom’s basement or for husbands who were married to nymph’s and just wanted to feel like their friends for a change…

Either way, this photographer got a naked bitch on the beach, but didn’t get one bit of tit or ass or fuckin’ pussy. I don’t know how that can happen when shit’s not staged because these pictures remind me of every PG movie nude scene and it’s kinda making me mad…

Related Posts:
Jade Jagger Almost Has an Upskirt
James Jagger Turns 18
Lisa Marie and Jeff Goldblum on the Beach Naked

2007

23

Aug

I am – Anna Faris’ Short Shorts of the Day

2 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Anna Faris showing off the apples of her bottom. This is one of my favorite trends in the last few years, because short shorts not only expose vagina definition, but because seeing ass cheeks reminds me of the 70s and those were the good years. The funny thing is that girls of all ages are rockin’ this and the other day I saw a mother daughter short short duo and shit was better than any porn I have seen.

Either way, this bitch has a long list of D-List credits, so I don’t really know who she is. The reality of the entertainment industry is that D-List celebs have it fucking made. They aren’t the center of attention so they can live semi-normal lives with more money than the average asshole in the world and they don’t have to take themselves too seriously because the movies they are in are shit no one will watch expecting an academy award nomination. If some of these girls weren’t D-Listed they’d be strippers.

The funny thing about strippers is that they think they are celebrities. They walk around the club like they are important and like I should be too scared to ask them for a lap dance even though we pay them to get naked and I see them as my employee since I am paying her and last I checked when you paid someone for their time, they were working for you. The funnier thing about strippers is that they actually think they are professional dancers because I know dance and I know that shit wouldn’t fly at my contemporary dance class….I mean, I like tits.

I am not in a contemporary dance class asshole, I was just at a bar the other day and 5 strippers were stripper dancing in the corner like they were Britney Spears and this was her big comeback performance, but they looked like assholes because they were in clothes and there was no pole, but you couldn’t tell them that they were disasters because they insisted dancing was their job…I corrected them by saying getting naked was their job, then 4 big muscle dudes asked me to back off. Motherfuckers.

Related Posts:

Anna Farris in Her Underwear on Set
Mila Kunis Wears Shorts
Carrie Underwood Wears Shorts

2007

23

Aug

I am – Anna Faris' Short Shorts of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Anna Faris showing off the apples of her bottom. This is one of my favorite trends in the last few years, because short shorts not only expose vagina definition, but because seeing ass cheeks reminds me of the 70s and those were the good years. The funny thing is that girls of all ages are rockin’ this and the other day I saw a mother daughter short short duo and shit was better than any porn I have seen.

Either way, this bitch has a long list of D-List credits, so I don’t really know who she is. The reality of the entertainment industry is that D-List celebs have it fucking made. They aren’t the center of attention so they can live semi-normal lives with more money than the average asshole in the world and they don’t have to take themselves too seriously because the movies they are in are shit no one will watch expecting an academy award nomination. If some of these girls weren’t D-Listed they’d be strippers.

The funny thing about strippers is that they think they are celebrities. They walk around the club like they are important and like I should be too scared to ask them for a lap dance even though we pay them to get naked and I see them as my employee since I am paying her and last I checked when you paid someone for their time, they were working for you. The funnier thing about strippers is that they actually think they are professional dancers because I know dance and I know that shit wouldn’t fly at my contemporary dance class….I mean, I like tits.

I am not in a contemporary dance class asshole, I was just at a bar the other day and 5 strippers were stripper dancing in the corner like they were Britney Spears and this was her big comeback performance, but they looked like assholes because they were in clothes and there was no pole, but you couldn’t tell them that they were disasters because they insisted dancing was their job…I corrected them by saying getting naked was their job, then 4 big muscle dudes asked me to back off. Motherfuckers.

Related Posts:

Anna Farris in Her Underwear on Set
Mila Kunis Wears Shorts
Carrie Underwood Wears Shorts

Archive for the Ass Category