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Archive for the SFW Category

2018

10

Jul

Nell Tiger Free Bikini of the Day

Nell Tiger Free is an 18 year old who has been on a few Seasons of Game of Thrones, which means you weirdo Game of Thrones people have been watching her since she was underage, and I have no confidence in any grown man who likes anything that has to do with wizards and dragons, like Game of Thrones, even though it is mainstream and everyone fucking loves that shit except me….because I still have the mindset that LARPING is for very weird fucking people who masturbate all day to very fucking weird things….so weird that this Nell Tiger Free won’t do anything for them because she’s not dressed up like a GNOME HOBBiT ALIEN AVATAR OGRE…

18 year olds in bikinis though, not bad. Right. Even when from the UK. This won’t last forever it never does…18 is this weird pre-fat zone of perky…and I guess Nell Tiger Free and her weird hippie name knows it.

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Posted in:Nell Tiger Free|SFW

2018

10

Jul

JoJo Paddleboarder of the Day

I’ve been wondering why JOJO still exists, why people still talk about her, why she has followers, and all that nonsense that makes these celebrities celebrities and as it turns out, it is because of the gays, who generally love all things “Pop” and 90s nostalgic and they are keeping her alive…playing from Gay Club to Gay Club…songs they remember when they were young homos growing into themselves doing song and dance routines at home….for their dad who thought “fuck, I think I done made me a queer”…

That said, she not only appeals to gay people who rememeber the 90s, but also perverts who like tits on their young starlet now that she’s old..

So here she is paddleboarding for you watersports enthusiasts..

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Posted in:JoJo|Jojo Levesque|SFW

2018

10

Jul

Whitney Cummings Funny Tits in a Bikini of the Day

I don’t like funny girls…especially when they aren’t funny to begin with and just joke around about sucking dick and dating…..and the struggles of being a woman…with a dirty fucking mouth because they are pandering to women who can relate….and dudes who like staring at their tits.

I don’t like funny anything really….I don’t like stand up comedy. I don’t like sitcoms. I don’t like comedy movies. I find it all so fucking stupid and not funny.

I don’t like people who pride themselves on being funny, or who have decided they are funny and have made a life out of being funny, when I am too autistic to understand their jokes.

I do like tits, and Whitney Cummings, possibly a failed actress, who chose comedy because it’s easy target, low barrier of entry, comedians who are the patriarchy are easy to manipulate with tits….and so am I….

She is rich as hell…thanks to a few hit shows….and she has tits…which is really what matters.


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Posted in:SFW|Whitney Cummings

2018

10

Jul

Bella Hadid Sexually Assaults a Giraffe of the Day

The other day – Bella Hadid posted erotic with a Giraffe. Maybe it is a cultural thing, as she is from Palestine and I do not know how Giraffe sex works there. Or maybe she’s got this innate talent to pull her tits out in any and all circumstances, even when visiting some kind of African Giraffe refuge or reserve, because obviously wear a fucking bikini top everywhere you go, you didn’t have daddy buy you them tits for nothing….and even if they are real tits…bikini top that shit…every menial task…it will get more likes on social media…..

I just find it inappropriate…poor giraffe doesn’t need to be used as a prop in a social media porn pic….it’s not bringing any awareness to his cause…it’s just a swimming with Dolphins situation on land…and our only hope is that they get bit by Malaria bugs….and kill the whole family off in a feverish rage…

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Posted in:Bella Hadid|SFW

2018

10

Jul

Selena Gomez Bikini Reaction to Bieber’s Jesus Proposal of the Day

I am not too sure when these Selena Gomez bikini pics with what must be fake tits out actually happened, I saw them on the internet yesterday and can assume that she’s a strategic little Disney Kid who understands all the hype around her an Bieber enough to know she needs to post a reaction picture to his engagement to mooch rich kid third string Jenner / Hadid latch on, Hailey Baldwin…for the sake of Jesus…because it’s a trend for these little entitled brats to pretend they have found God, and pretend they go to church, because they found a modern pastor who tells them it’s ok to be slutty, disgusting, mooch opportunist, rich and greedy fame whoring Millennials so long as they give him their Church Dues…it’s like some AA rehab shit, that Selena Gomez knows all about first hand cuz her unstable ass / and Kidney is in and out of that place…all while having milked her Bieber relationship to build her career, since he’s the famous one, a tactic Baldwin is about to try on….with their own kind of Royal Wedding….that you could pretend is romantic, since Bieber de-virginized her when she was 16 and he was in his 20s….and now he put a ring on it to prove that it was real and not sex offense..

The point is, Selena Gomez posting up reaction pics in bikini, big probably fake tits / like her Kidneys, freaking out like her Kidneys…because she’s got Lupus and a new Kidney.

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Posted in:Selena Gomez|SFW

2018

10

Jul

Kim Garner – Bikini Slut of the Day

The highlight of my life was when Kim Garner followed me on twitter, I can’t prove that it happened, when it did happen I didn’t know who she was, and I guess because she followed me I now know who she is, it was many years ago and was probably the best 5 minutes before she unfollowed me of my life.

In doing what I do, you’d think all the celebs would be inviting me to their parties, their vacations, letting me into their worlds….you know all the A-Listers, so that bottom feeders like Kim Garner would be basically paying me money to post her amongst them….

I know, the glamorous life of a Hollywood Titty Reporter…with a blog, who lives one step up from a cardboard box…and who can’t afford to buy my own beer..

BUT as it turns out, I am pretty much ignored, so when a reality star from the UK, or Phoebe Price reach out…I feel like I’m big leagues….insignificant me…connecting with an ass like this…

Unfortunately, I think the Kim Garner follow back was some Robot script, and not her at all, but I’m allowed to have dreams that someone as irrelevant but more relevant that a local bar tender would follow me.

We’re all allowed to have dreams…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

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Posted in:Kimberley Garner|SFW

2018

09

Jul

Vanessa Hudgens Bikini Party of the Day

Vanessa Hudgens has always been a crowd favorite here at DrunkenStepfather.com.

I have appreciated her for a very long time, not because of her acting abilities, talents or successes…or because she dated Zac Efron for the sake of their Disney show…as part of their manufactured marketing bullshit…but because she was one of the earliest celebs to have leaked cell phone selfies, like some kind of naughty girl, and most interestingly, she was rocking a bush…and sure she seems like the hairy type who can’t help but have a giant bush…the kind that grows back hours after a wax…but that doesn’t change the fact that she had a bush and I love bush.

Her team tried to pretend she was underage in those pics to get people to delete them, a good tactic, and it worked, I don’t fuck with those pics now, but I know what she looks like naked and I’ll reference that memory to these bikini pics…and imagine…

I just wish her monster bush was coming out of her bikini bottoms from every angel…it would make me much happier.

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Posted in:SFW

2018

09

Jul

Britney Spears Face Tune of the Day

Britney Spears Slutty Short Shorts

Britney Spears looks fucking amazing as a general statement based on her social media videos she’s been posting up – especially in comparison to the other pop tarts and young celebs who are no longer young from her generation.

X-Tina is a fucking tank, whether she’s getting her tits out for once in her life or not (here)

Jessica Simpson is a fucking tank, all muscular and weirdly shaped, despite still having amazing tits (HERE)

I guess there’s also Nicole Richie who gets cancelled out because she’s married to a Good Charlotte Sister…and Paris who is still looking alright but too useless to bother with….then there’s Lohan in Europe with her fake accents and beach club ventures (here)

They are all pretty fucking wrecked looking, while Britney comes in solid..

She’s just a bit too aggressive on the photoshop / face tune / but girl’s nice and fit, despite being an old mom, and she’s still winning at life, despite being a prisoner to her family that won’t let her leave the nest – ever.

Britney Spears Slutty Short Shorts

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Posted in:Britney Spears|SFW

2018

09

Jul

Bella Hadid Pussy Dance of the Day

The latest craze for attention seeking whores on the social media is the pussy dance….a term coined by by good friend Montana…

I wrote out the basic steps here for you to share with your loved ones, moms and sisters….whoever you want to see really maximize the social media feed…

They are:

step 1 – PANTS OFF / Bikini or Panties On…
step 2 – PUSSY PUSHED TO THE FRONT
step 3 – PUSSY PUSHED TO THE RIGHT
step 4 – PUSSY PUSHED TO THE LEFT
step 5 – PUSSY PUSHED TO THE BACK
step 6 – PUSSY PUSHED TO THE LEFT and RIGHT we call that the pussy wave
step 7 – PUSSY GETS JERKED OFF TO ALL THE MEN ON INSTAGRAM WATCHING THE PUSSY DANCE…

All the girls are doing it…Pussy Dance….LEAD WITH YOUR PUSSY and the rest will follow…

Here’s Bella Hadid, queen scam model who had her career bought for her….doing that PUSSY dance…with a friend….what can’t she do.

Bella Hadid Tits in Sports Bra

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Posted in:Bella Hadid|SFW

2018

09

Jul

Kate Winslet Bikini of the Day

Kate Winslet Bikini in Menorca

Here’s Kate Winslet doing her best impression of the Titanic, you know doing a tribute to the only reason she exists, only this time playing the massive disaster in the sea….in the form of her bikini….not the tragic sinking of the world’s greatest ship on the maiden voyage…because this isn’t her maiden voyage. She is old….but still has big tits.

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Posted in:Kate Winslet|SFW