While Kim Kardashian went to host some Pepsi Bullrun event in leather, I guess in honor of the Bullrun in Spain, or I hear that Khloe Kardashian was their playing the bull. They didn’t feed her for days, the tied up her balls to really fire her up and they let her out on the street where people ran away from her in fear, and I hear there were deaths, just a lot of excited homos/closet cases on all fours with their pants around their ankles in hopes she’d mount them and “accidentally” sodomize them to death.
It looks like Ali Landry is on the “Get in the Tabloid to Show Off My Mom Body Kick”, so she hired a paparazzi agency to follow her to the beach, where she posed and played in the sand with her daughter in hopes of tricking everyone into thinking she’s just this cheery and posing when she’s on the beach with her daughter, so that they publish her picture as a “hot mom body of 2009” hopefully to add some fuel to her career, like any desperate has-been who was only known for her looks would do as her celebrity status dwindled down to pretty much nothing, but her bank account is still intact because she married some rich motherfucker as wallet fuckers tend to do.
Here she is with her topless daughter cuz it’s never too young to teach them how to make a dollar or at least show them how mommy got famous. Next weeks lesson is on the gag reflex….
Janice Dickinson brought her corpse to the beach….at least that’s what I hear her pussy smells like….at least that what her body makes me think her pussy smells like and I figure jerking off to this half dead whore is a lot easier than digging up fresh corpse in the cemetery risking getting caught or having a heart attack, or even easier than applying for a job at the mortuary to get your fix of rotting cunt.
The last I heard from Paris Hilton’s New BFF was that her dad is in the FBI and he’s going to ruin my life for posting that video of her.
The last time I got drunk, which was last night I had a mission set out to shit the bed when I woke up. It didn’t happen so now I’m left with nothing but broken dreams and failure.
I tell myself there is always today, and the rest of my probably limited life, but I know that if it hasn’t happened yet, it will never happen.
We are all allowed to have goals and ambition, even if they are as useless as shitting the bed.
I reached 4,000 followers on Twitter. I think 100,000 means celebrity status, so if you’re on the shit, follow me on the shit, and get the first word of my shitting the bed plans, before I wake up dry, scared and alone, with no pile of shit snuggling up next to me.
I don’t know what’s got into me today, but after months of severe hatred and disgust for Katy Perry, I came across these bikini pictures and found them almost hot. Maybe I’m desperately horny, maybe I’m over the fact that I hate her and her music, or maybe I’m just getting tricked by her tits, and I guess I have no choice but to share this horrible turning point in my life with you.
Monica Cruz is in a bikini in Ibiza and I’m not. She is the bootleg version of Penelope Cruz/her younger sister, only she comes without the offensively big nose and has a better body, but you know is insecure as shit because she lives her life in the shadow of her Oscar winning sister, meaning her inadequacies in life convert nicely into over compensation when sucking on a dick. Keep aiming to please, maybe one day you’ll figure out a way to come out on top and beat your cunt sister you pretend to love, but deep down inside know you hate…
I like tracking Lohan’s whereabouts because I feel a connection with her, you know we both like pussy, we both have rancid genitals and neither of us have work or anything to do with our time, or anything going for us, I am a waste of space with no talent, while she’s just had her time to shine and the only real difference between us is I am broke and too lazy to wander the streets, so I turn to the internet to post random shit no one reads, while she goes out and spends all her child star money on useless shit.
Hilary Duff should sue whatever gym she’s leaving because it looks like they are ripping her off, you know taking her money despite every day she weighs in a couple pounds heavier, I guess it could be because she’s settling down in a relationship, or maybe she’s sad and eating away her pain, or maybe she’s just rebelling against all fitness and healthy diet after the pressure she’s had all these years to not be her naturally fat self and instead trick the world into thinking she was some tight bodied teen. I’m sure you’ve all seen it all before, you know running into the hot young girl you jerked off to 10 years after the fact and not even recognizing her because she was a fat, sloppy piece of shit 30 year old pig, only with in Hilary Duff’s case, we get to watch the slow and steady demise, so take it in when you can as shit is only gonna get worse…..
Aubrey O’Day is in some trashy Vegas show that Lindsay Lohan is supposed to be in, where these half talented bitches run around in their underwear, singing and dancing because they can’t land real record deals and concert tours because their time has come and gone already, and she decided to post some pictures on Twitter, because when you’re an attention whore, that’s kind of part of what you do, and these are the pics.
Dakota Fanning is 15 or 16 now, which is right around the age girls start fuckin’ around with meat….you know shovin’ meat in their mouths on summer vacation under the boardwalk when on a family vacation at the beach, or maybe at summer camp with one of the counselor’s, or even with an older guy they met when out at a bar they got into with fake ID one night, but Dakota Fanning, the Michael Jackson of her generation, you know robbed of a childhood and acting like a 45 year old at the age of 6, always in front of a camera and in the public’s eye, but never an Academy Award winner, just gets down with meat on set of her new movie like nobody’s watching. What a slut. I wonder what her mother would think if she wasn’t too busy spending the money she’s stole from Dakota over the last 14 years.
