Who the fuck are the Sugababes. I assume they are some bullshit band that I am forced to listen to on the radio now that Virgin has taken over our local shitty radio station, that my wife insists on listening to, even though they play all this garbage that I’ve never heard of and that has a really good reason for not being popular here, like the fact that it fucking sucks, but unfortunately, they target women and last time I checked, my wife is a woman, not that I check that often, but sometimes, and by sometimes I mean always, the level of sexual attraction is so fucking low, that I need to remind myself she owns a pussy, and not the kind you own, you know locked in your bed side table drawer that is handmade out of random household objects and coldcuts, but a real live pussy, just to confuse me about whether I still like women or not, which it turns out that I do. Hey Ladies.
Either way, this is one of the whores from the shitty band in some see through shirt.
Courtney Cox was running around on the set of some show she is starring in called “Friends The Single and HormonalYears” or some shit. She flashed some panty and that’s where the story ends. I guess you’d want me to tell my story about the 80s, when I first started discovering my sexuality and spent a solid week jerking off in a pair of my foster mother’s dirty panties, that were usually white, a little stained, and made my dick look awesome, but I’m not going to bother, because it’s just weird.
Britney Spears posted this picture of her ass on Twitter and by Britney Spears I mean one of her staff memebers who pretends to be here, because the last thing Britney tried to use a computer, it ended up in her deep fryer and eater, because that’s what southern pigs do, they eat shit they deep fry. Sure that may not make sense, maybe I should tell a story about a mom of two who got on stage without pants on at my local strip club, because she’s trying to put food on the table, unfortunately, they couldn’t photoshop retouch her live, because her shit wasn’t this smooth and put together, in fact, her vagina looked more like a scaled down, fleshy garbage truck and kinda smelled the same. I still paid her 10 dollars to touch the tits, but only because she promised to squirt me with lactation, which leads me to ask, can you get AIDS from breast milk?
What’s that you’re saying? Lily Allen’s too fat to wear that outfit. Yep. She’s also too fat to have such small tits. Here she is performing. I could tell stories about fucking fat chicks with no tits, but they were all breast cancer survivors and there’s no humor in that.
This Mischa Barton date hasn’t worked out too well. Seems like she’s a bit of a snob. I guess I didn’t really try to stalk her hard enough, I mean that would require leaving my shitty house and I don’t think I’m down for that, but if anyone of you are her Publicist, let her know we can film a sex tape or something, a really bad bad sex tape, oh right…her publicist dropped her…oh well…at least I’ll always have my stepLINKS…..and here they are….
I don’t watch TV, so I don’t know what this Top Chef shit is, but I wish I did, because the girl who hosts it is pretty fucking hot. Her name is Padma Lakshmi, nice and ethnic, the kind of ethnic who is happy to bang people like me all because of dreams of citizenship.
Unfortunately, we’re a little too late on this one, but there are millions more out there, because Padma’s no longer the little girl in the small village that has no running water but she has made it. But I guess that romantic relationship she had with the Hamburger because it represented freedom and the American Dream to her hasn’t died out, it is still part of her core, and here she is in a pretty erotic ad for Hardee’s Western Bacon Thickburger, giving it back to what inspired her to get here and I’ll tell you that it’s much hotter than when my wife downs a burger or three….
I hate Jimmy Fallon’s show, I like QuestLove from the Roots, but I find Jimmy Fallon a total piece of fucking shit. He isn’t funny. His jokes are bullshit and motherfucker’s trying too fucking hard and needs to get himself a real writing staff, because motherfucker just laughs at himself, can’t tell a fucking joke and pisses me off.
So, I can’t stomach his show, and I did watch it the first week, but that was just to hate on him via twitter, hoping to crack his concentration and get him off the air. I failed, but still waiting for him to acknowledge I exist.
That said, he had Anna Kournikova on and she looked amazing in her black dress, she’s a hot Russian I would have loved to mail order, if she didn’t use sports to escape the communist rule.
They played Beer Pong, cuz he’s and idiot and tries to play games with the people he interviews and I guess he’s also trying to connect to the college kids, something I can relate to, because I always want to connect my dick at the very least with college kids, while giving his advertisers constant shout outs because he’s trying to survive, something I can’t relate to.
This is the video, I didn’t watch it, even though she looks amazing, but I did get to the point where she says Bananus and I liked it….
I always thought that when lesbians got together they fucked each other with non-penis shaped objects, like dolphin dildos, you know because they hate cock. I also thought they’d do the scissor pussy rub, eat each other out, maybe talk about bullshit, stage a protest about gay marriage, tie themselves to a tree for the environment, shop for lesbian sandals, maybe hate on men for violating them, or objectifying them by punching their penis pillow, maybe they shave their heads, or grow out their armpit hair, I mean I just don’t fuckin’ know, because I don’t know real life lesbians, the only girl on girl action I’ve experienced has been college girls experimenting for a lot of male attention, so actual lesbians are like mythical creatures to me, but thanks to Rosie, I know that lesbians go on boat rides.
I don’t know what’s going on with Natalie Portman’s Jew Ass, but those pants seem tight, but not as tight as the fullback underwear she’s has on underneath, that are squeezing her in ways that make her ass look like some kind of bread product you’d get at the Jewish deli down the street on sale during passover because jews are apparently bread haters and apparently are tight panty wearers, and I am ready to end it all by producing garbage like this, because I don’t know what to say about Natalie Portman, I was never a fan and never understood her appeal, but I do understand why she was the “it” girl for Jewish guys and that is because she doesn’t look like a rat like all the other Jewish girls in their lives….true story…
I don’t like Judge Judy because the way she talks annoys me, I didn’t realize she was still on TV and had assumed she just died off in the 90s, but I guess I am wrong.
I do like stupid girls, because they are easier to get naked and sucking on my dick.
