I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2008

08

Oct

Halle Berry is the Sexiest Woman Alive According to Esquire Magazine of the Day

I was walking down a street yesterday and came across a store going out of business with a sign indicating that everything was on sale. It was some kind of antique store that I would normally not notice, but it happened to have a giant Jesus statue in the window and I thought it was a sign from god, so I walked inside. The place was like a magical garage sale, filled with random crap and I asked the guy how much the Jesus statue was and he turned to me and said that it wasn’t for sale, I decided to look through the rest of his shit, because I had nothing better to do and figured since I was already in there, I might as well and that’s when I overheard another browsing shopper ask how much a lamp was and dude said that it wasn’t for sale, so I started flipping the products over to see the prices and everything was 1,000 dollars, even a jar full of marbles and I realized that this motherfucker didn’t want to sell anything, he was just a creepy collector and I was in serious need of some hand sanitizer, because creepy collectors masturbate a lot and I could only assume, he used his random junk instead of his hand because he loved it so much and would never let it leave his side….

I think the editors at Esquire who have just named Halle Berry the Sexiest Woman Alive have the same psychiatric disorder as my friend the antique dealer because it seems like they just can’t figure out how to move the fuck on. Sure she’s hot, but she’s old and a mom and it’s time to bring some new blood to the bed sheets by devirginizing some prime pussy, not pussy that’s already seen it’s fair share of babies and cock, but I guess that’s all a matter of opinion….and mine, as I’ve discovered over the years, is pretty much worthless.

Posted in:Esquire|Halle Berry|Sexiest Woman Alive

2008

08

Oct

Lindsay Lohan’s Tits Keep Gettin’ Bigger and Bigger With Lesbianism of the Day

Lohan’s tits are big and she’s slowly wasting away and getting skinnier. I am sure it has nothing to do with sitting around all day doing blow instead of eating, because she seems like the kind of girl who would really commit to a drug free life as she has so much stimulating shit to do during a Tuesday that she needs to bring her A-Game to, like sleep all day and go shopping in the afternoon for an hour before going home and ordering in dinner, watching some TV and dyking out all night.

Maybe I am wrong and this is just further proof that she has implants, because those fuckers are pretty spectacular, especially considering she isn’t wearing a bra, because like all lesbians she’s liberated and won’t give into man’s convention of strapping her tits down, but I think it’s more to do with being cockhungry and starving for male attention and this being the only way to get it, otherwise Samantha will take it out on her with their double-sided dildo.

Who knows and who really cares, other than Ronson who gets to play with them and Lohan who is dying for dick, because I know that I don’t give a fuck and can only assume that today, we are one step closer to the end of celebrity blogs as people slowly start to lose interest and re-focus on their own lives, leaving me worse off than I am now, but that’s okay, I think it’s better for mankind and I’ll just turn to prostitution like other people with failed dreams…..I am okay with that.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Tits

2008

08

Oct

Kim Kardashian’s Pretty Fucking Useless of the Day

The quality of this video is shit, but since I have a bunch of you who are into this slob, I figured I’d post it to remind you that she is neither hot nor serves a purpose beyond letting black guys piss on her. She is one of those uneducated, ill-informed, waste of space, who offers nothing to the world. In her defense, maybe her brain has been suffocated by fat tits and fat ass and the cum she’s choked on all these years. Maybe she has syphilis and it’s driving her CRAAAAZY, or maybe she’s just always been a spoiled cunt raised by a materialistic wallet fucking mother while her immigrant father was busy making money to buy his kids ponies, who fucking knows, but I do know that she just lives her self-absorbed life, worrying about what to wear and finding something to fit her ridiculously shaped body and figuring out how to make time to visit her boyfriend in New Orleans and has no real concern for anything beyond her spoiled brat self and you are all feeding this bitch’s ego, which is better than feeding her dinner because I hear you need a trough for that.

I suggest if you own a TV, watch the fucking debates, especially if you are someone in the public eye, because you might get asked some questions about it and it’s just better to have an opinion versus a useless “I don’t do politics, but I do do amateur porn” attitude. Today, I continue to hate Kardashian. How are you doing?

Here is the debate for you with an hour and a half to waste, I didn’t watch it because I am not American and don’t care, but I think you should.

Posted in:Fat|Kim Kardashian|Uneducated.

2008

07

Oct

stepLINKS of the Day

I was walking down the street and I see this fat girl, who was clearly trying to get in shape, decked out fully in her workout gear, riding home from work on a bike, and as she got to the intersection, either a car cut her off, or she lost her balance and she fell hard. Now the difference between a fat person and a not so fat person falling, is that we don’t morph into safety fall instinctively, we are slow and have shitty reflexes and we always go down fuckin’ hard. She didn’t die, but she was humilated, hurt and crying and it broke my heart as much as it made me laugh on the inside. Let’s hope these links have a similar affect on you, and when you’re done, you don’t have to go home, throw your workout clothes in the garbage because God doesn’t want you to be skinny and he sent you a pretty clear message to give it up, call your mom and cry to her about how shitty your day was and how you can never get ahead, then eat that pint of ice cream you’ve been dreaming about….like the girl I saw fall today.

Here are my links:

The Witches on the View Are At It Again
GO

Human Wrecking Ball
GO

I Never Thought I Would Say This Again, But Britney Spears is Lookin’ Good
GO

The Best Moments of Jennifer Love Hewitts Tits
GO

I Know You’re Not Gonna Do Anything Else Worthwhile
GO

Some Aniston Bikini Pic You May Have Missed
GO

President Bush Brings Newsa of the Bailout to Gotham City
GO

The 15 Hottest Gun Loving Ladies
GO

Britney Spears is Paying the Price
GO

Lil Kim’s Big Fake Titty is JUST About to Pop Out
GO

Lookin’ Good Halle Berry
GO

If I Can’t Kill the Sluts from the Hills, I Guess Deporting Them is the Next Best Thing
GO

Russian Street Mob War
GO

Who Says That Whores Ain’t What They Used to Be?
GO

Hot Styles Presents Lookin’ Ass….
GO

Because We All Know That Blow Up Doll Has Way More Milage Then You Care to Admit
GO

Who Doesn’t Love a Good Jingle to Go Along With Their Favorite Toy?
GO

Hef’s Girls Next Door Are Dropping Like Flies
GO

Tetris Party!!!
GO

Sibling rivalry Knows No Bounds
GO

That’s Right Rachael Ray, Caress That Corn
GO

Soccer Fan Mishap
GO

Sarah Vandella is Your Naughty Dream Girl
GO

Why Hello Andi Valentino!
GO

Kristen Bell is Kind of Topless
GO

Charlize Theron May Lose 20 Million Dollars in a Lawsuit
GO

Porn That Makes Jerking Off Worthwhile
GO

Kim Kardashian Defends Her Fat Ass Once Again
GO

Fuck You Avril Lavigne
GO

Aurbey O’Day Whores It Up Some More
GO

striptease of the Day
GO

Tough Guy Harasses Reporter
GO

Kung Fu Election – The VP Edition
GO

Hey, Idiot, You Are Not a Formula One Driver
GO

Michelle B is All You Need
GO

Halle Berry Versus Kate Beckinsale
GO

I Guess If Youre Gonna Wear a Condom, Ultra Thin is the Way to Go?
GO

Hayden in Some Fuckable Positions
GO

New York Titties
GO

Beyonce Bikini Pictures Underwater
GO

Melissa Marie Gonsales Has an Ass Like No Other
GO

There is Something About Will and Jada That I Just Can’t Stand
GO

Relax You Ass, It’s Just a Video Game
GO

Swinging With Crissy Moran
GO

Miley Cyrus is the Most Important Person on the Planet
GO

The Playboy Cyber Girl of the Week
GO

How To: Cook Fake Vomit
GO

Sometimes Being a Cop Has It’s Advantages
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2008

07

Oct

Vanessa Minnilo Eating Some Frozen Yogurt of the Day

I am tired of writing this site, I am going to go sit outside the ice cream parlour and hope for hot young girls to come by, to do inappropriate things with dairy, but I know they never will show up because it’s fucking freezing here and the ice cream shops are all shut down for the winter, but I can pretend they aren’t by living through these pic tures of Vanessa Minnilo suckin’ back some Low Fat Frozen yogurt like a fat chick who just heard her favorite flavor’s been discontinued and she’s gotta get as much of it in her belly as possible before it’s too late. The kind of urgency that isn’t really urgent, but can ruin a fat girl’s life if she doesn’t act on it, but you don’t care about fat chicks, and either do I, and I am married to one that I’d sell at auction like the pig that she is, if I could, But you do care about Nick Lachey and whether this bitch treats Nick Lachey’s dick as well as she does this spoon, and that’s a little weird. Weirdo.

Posted in:Frozen Yogurt|Vanessa Minnilo

2008

07

Oct

Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Shitty See Through Pictures of the Day

Like a good useless celebrity, Jennifer Love Hewitt made it out to Disneyland for Miley Cyrus’ birthday. It is rumored that she’s trying to cling onto her youth as hard as she can, but I have a feeling that she’s doing it for the cotton candy. She wore a shirt that could have been see-through, but wasn’t because Jennifer Love Hewitt’s wholesome, fat chick demeanor has vowed to never show her nipples to the world, because she’s not that kind of girl, she’s more of the kind of girl who prefers showing off her ability to empty a dessert tray at a restaurant in record times, but I know some of you still like her, god fucking knows why, maybe it’s because you aren’t too good at moving on and accepting the fact that her time is done, it’s not 1996 anymore, but that would also mean giving up your first car you got in high school, moving out of your parent’s house and even getting a job and you just aren’t ready for that. So let’s all pretend time stands still and ignore these see through pictures of Jennifer Love that aren’t see through.

Posted in:Jennifer Love Hewitt|See Through

2008

07

Oct

Aubrey O’Day Loves Dogs of the Day

I am a dog lover, like Aubrey O’Day is, only a different kind of dog lover. I think dogs are cool and fun to be around and less annoying than people are because as long as you feed them they love you and everytime you come home from wherever you’v been, they act fucking insane like you’re very own groupie at the concert you are headlining that is your life. I don’t have a dog, but Aubrey O’Day does and she loves it in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. I find it abusive and reminiscent of Jon Benet Ramsey, the Dog Version. I’m talking doing it up the way you want it to be done up with crazy hair and make-up, touching it inapprorpiately, then killing it off the second something new and exciting comes along.

She reminds me of a friend I had when I was 11, who was clearly a pyschopath and was bound to do some pretty sick shit to people unless he got help, the kind of kid who would hunt squirrels and disect them and shit for fun and one day when at his house he wanted to show me something cool and took me to his basement with his dog, where he proceeded to make out with it, touching tongues and grabbing at its dick and shit and turned to me offering me a turn because it was good practice for when we get with real chicks, and instead of taking him up on it, I got the fuck out of there and didn’t speak to him again.

I guess the only thing better about these pictures of Aubrey O’Day dyking out with her dog is that I can distract myself with her tits.

Posted in:Aubrey O'Day|Dogs

2008

07

Oct

Katy Perry’s Fat Cleavage of the Day

Katy Perry claims to be a DD bra size and I don’t believe it. What I do believe is that at one point in time she was a DD bra size, back when she was eating and before she got way too famous for her own good with her stupid fucking music that rapes my fucking soul every time I hear it, and with trying to live with herself and her new found money, she turned to cocaine instead of donuts. She already looks less fat than she was 2 weeks ago and as the weight disappears so will her fat chick tits, until she ends up on the street corner selling blowjobs to pay for crack, where she belongs. She is last weeks kitchen garbage and cleavage or not, I’m ready for her to disappear, which isn’t saying much, because I hated her the second I heard that song, but it is saying something.

s

Posted in:cleavage|Katy Perry

2008

07

Oct

Kanye’s Love Lockdown Video Premiere of the Day

I may not know what Hip Hop is, but I do know that premiering your video on the Ellen Show is definitely not it. I know that Kanye is on some other level of being this mainstream phenomenon or some shit, but I am sure trying to tap into the housewives market is really not where anyone wants to be, unless of course you are a diaper or anti-depressant company or maybe a dude who is hurting from the loss of his own mother and hoping to find a stand in. Oh right.

Either way, this song is already a big deal, unfortunately, because that just fuels more Kanye ego and stupidities and on a side note, I went to his old DJ’s concert this past weekend because the dude is from Montreal and seems to think he’s fuckin’ Kanye West because he was his back-up man for one tour and was flirting with fat chicks, while getting retarded drunk and acting a fool on stage for his sold out audience. The fucker he didn’t even acknowledge me when we were next to each other and I said what’s up and on another side note, I punched a girl in her rib because she was acting up and it made me feel like a man. Watch the video.

Posted in:Kanye West|New Video

2008

07

Oct

Miley Cyrus at Sells Out for Her Sweet Sixteen of the Day

That’s right you kiss Minnie Mouse, you teenage whore, that bitch made you who you are today. If she asks you to lick her asshole you do it, if she asked you to fist her little mouse hole, you do it, if she asks you to sell tickets to celebrate your Sweet 16 with a bunch of fans you don’t give a fuck about, but you do give a fuck about your paycheck, you do it. If a man in a suit who says he’s a producer asks you to take off your pants, you do it. It’s the business baby, you’re just a pawn in it, making lots of other people rich and yourself famous, but remember you’ve got the last since you aren’t respecting your promise ring clause in your contract, but I don’t know if it counts if you breach that term and condition with the other signing party’s dick.

Either way, she’s 16 years old man, she’s a fucking baby and ripping her to shreds is going to do a whole lot of damage to her, so know that you, along with her parents, the people at Disney who are exploiting her and everyone else who hates her and thinks she’s a slut are responsible for the drug addiction and overdose her cards have lined up for her. Asshole.

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|Sweet 16