Bikini Archives - Page 39 of 93 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2009

10

Mar

Britney Spears Bikini by the Pool of the Day

I saw some ragged immigrant at a pharmacy late last night. I had nothing to do with my time and figured I’d swing by and pretend to pick up a few obscure objects to make the people around me nervous. You put someDuct Tape, Vaseline, a pair of scissors and some Diapers and tell a random woman in the cosmetic section how you’d love to take her out for coffee. The reaction is always funny. I will film it one day and if anyone out there rips off the concept I will have no choice but to reference this post and sue you…

Either way, she was buying maxi pads, which was weird to begin with, because everyone knows that nobody uses max pads, we’re a tampon generation filled with Toxic Shock, but as she went through the packages comparing prices, while her crying baby was in a carriage by her side and her 3 year old was pulling shit off the shelves at 3 in the fucking morning, I thought to myself that this would be Britney’s life if she was working the night shift at the dinner where she belongs, but thanks to some miracle that isn’t being all that talented, or all that hot, but more to do with being marketable or marketed, bitch is rockin’ out in a bikini by the pool. It’s almost a rags to riches story, but I have a feeling she hadn’t got her period when she first started out. Admit it you liked that play on words…

Bonus – Here’s Some Pictures of Her Shopping in Some Daisy Dukes…..

Posted in:Bikini|Britney Spears

2009

10

Mar

Eva Herzigova is in a Bikini on Vacation of the Day

1 Comment »

It is Eva Herzigova’s birthday today, she just turns 36, at least that’s what Wikipedia said when I checked it to find out who the fuck this bitch was. Sure, I’ve written about her before, but I just don’t have a memory for these kinds of things, I figure you see one famous chick in a bikini, you’ve seen them all, and that’s why I just refer to all the women in my life as Sally, because learning one name is a lot easier than learning multiple names, so here’s Sally in her bikini, I guess having a good by party/retirement party/ golden handshake for her sex appeal, because menopause is just around the fuckin’ corner and I can taste the dessert storm pussy from here….or maybe that’s just shit residue on my hand from not washing….

Posted in:Bikini|Eva Herzigova

2009

09

Mar

Jordan in Her Towel Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

So exhibitionist, successful slut, borderline prostitute, with the dumbest set of fake tits, and the ability to pretty much attach her name to any useless product, was out at the beach, but instead of being half naked and sucking on a set of testicles while getting her pussy licked, like you’d expect the whore to be, at least based on her shitty sex tape that hit years ago, she’s wearing a couple towels and covering up more than a Muslim chick or that pilgrim lookin’orthodox jew I saw outside with her 8 kids the other day and who I asked if she would come over to host my thanksgiving party where we pretend to rape and pilage natives, but she just ignored me, I guess her religion raped and pilaged her vagina enough to not have a sense of humor, but maybe it was just because she’s not allowed to communicate with non jews since we’re heathans, but more likely it’s just that it wasn’t funny and I should have gone with my horse and buggy joke instead.

Either way, I wish some bitches took Jordan’s lead and wrapped the fuck up when it came to bikini time, I’m talking to you fat chicks.

I guess Jodan not happy with how her body’s looking, and here she is doin some stretchin….before a work out to tighten shit up…

2009

09

Mar

Kat Von D Looks Like a Truck Stop Bathroom Stall of the Day

17 Comments »

I don’t really get the appeal of alternative models, the fact that they are alternatives to models, pretty much means they are not hot enough to be models, so they go out and made a full category of their own and to make their below average looks more appealing, they go out and tattoo the shit up and piece the shit up and do other mods that shouldn’t actually be called mods because the only thing that shit modifies is how disgusting and used up a bitch looks, but

Kat Von D isn’t one of those alternative models, she’s just famous for being a tattoo artist who may or may not jack those alternative girls up, who I assume wrote a book and some creepy fan brought out some lingerie to give her at a signing, because he feels like it’s the least he can do since he’s been jerking off to her the last few years and figures she deserve a gift, especially one that provides new fantasies for him, because he can now imagine her in the panties he used to wear while watching her show, before washing and re-packaging them and giving them to her, if you know what I mean and since the only other person at the signing was her dad because she has no fans…it may the whole thing nice and smooth.

2009

09

Mar

Selma Blair on Spring Break of the Day

2 Comments »

Daylight Saving’s Time is really fucking me up, but not as much as what Selma Blair is doing to any guy she turns on, you know she looks like this mangled faced whore who tried to get me to “help her” while I was driving with some chick through a seedy part of town last night. You know, the one who started banging at the passenger window where I was sitting, hoping I’d roll it down for her, while tears rolled down her face in desperation, who I couldn’t snap a picture of out of fear, since we weren’t sure if this haggard hooker was a man or a woman, we just knew she was on the verge of death.

Luckily I get to relive what she/he probably looked like in a bikini on a luxuruous vacation, instead of paying her the 5 dollars in a back alley to see her cunt, with these Selma Blair dramatization pictures. Sure, there’s no syricnge filled with Aids blood hidden in her whore boots, in case she needs to really close the sale, but you I like to think Selma Blair likes to keep her aids blood hidden in Selma Blair’period filled tampon in her bathing suit bottoms, you know since comfort counts and you don’t want to feel like just because it’s that time, or you’re dying of a terminal sexually transmitted disease, that can’t horseback ride or spend time in the water, for fear it may leak…

I don’t know what I am trying to say here, but here are those pics.

Posted in:Bikini|Selma Blair

2009

04

Mar

Kim Kardashian in Some Bikini Pictures of the Day

4 Comments »

I don’t know which Kardashian this is because they are all the fucking same. I don’t know when these bikini pictures were taken because I have no interest in finding out. I just know that whoever this is, she’s taking some pictures for her 2010 Calendar, something you can all put on your Christmas list, because you know seeing Kardashian in a bikini is the best way to want to motivate yourself to lose weight, get it, cuz she’s fat.

Posted in:Bikini|Kim Kardashian

2009

04

Mar

Rihanna Bikini Pictures from Last Week of the Day

12 Comments »

I know why Rihanna is back with Chris Brown, because the whole thing was blown out of proportion and he didn’t lay a fucking hand on her. You know, because he’s a fucking pussy. I’d expect some kind of gangster to pistol whip his whore, or some feminist equal right chick to demand her boyfriend beat her up because preferential treatment for woman is unjust, but with some childhood tap dancing star like Chris Brown, I’m just surprised he’s got a girl…especially one I am down with and who wears see through bikinis….

I’m not allowed to post these because I don’t pay for bullshit, but I’ll keep them here as long as I can because I like sharing the wealth.

If the pics get taken down, you can find them by following this link….
GO

Posted in:Bikini|Last Week|Mexico|Rihanna

2009

03

Mar

Naomi Campbell in a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

Here are some shitty Naomi Campbell pictures, I’ve lost interest in posting for the day, I actually lost interest many fucking years ago, but when I am given these shitty quality pics of Naomi Campbell in a bikini, who could really be anyone in a bikini, and the only identifier that it is in fact her is that we know normal black girls are too busy working to be laying in the sun, unless they are hookers/strippers/pornstars in Miami or Jennifer Hudson. But I figure it’s worth lookin’ at.

Posted in:Bikini|Naomi Campbell

2009

03

Mar

Miranda Kerr in Some Victoria Secret Bikini Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

Here are some polished, boring, catalog pictures of Miranda Kerr for Victoria’s Secret. I was never the kind of guy who was able to get off to catalog pictures, I’d hate the shitty air brushing of the nipples and bush, and I’d go for National Geographic tribal pics, because it was authentic, but that was in an era before internet, now none of us really have to worry about that shit, but seeing Miranda Kerr in a bikini reminds me that on Spring Break, I’m not out getting drunk and flashed, but sitting in an unheated apartment with a fat wife who I don’t want to see flash anything but her credit card my way…

Posted in:Bikini|Miranda Kerr|Victoria's Secret

2009

26

Feb

Rihanna’s Recovery Bikini Pictures of the Day

5 Comments »

I know a guy at The Insider, it’s some celebrity gossip TV show like Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight and I asked him to leak these Rihanna’s Bikini pictures. They are of her recovery trip to Mexico, where she got some sun, showed off her body, made me cum, because I guess Chris Brown didn’t beat her properly, which is probably the reason she won’t press charges, will go back to him, and this whole incident will be swept under the rug like it should be. I am a firm believer that if you beat your wife, keep that shit to yourself, and keep her scared enough to keep her mouth shut. Ya know what I mean…

Posted in:Bikini|Mexico|Rihanna

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