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Archive for the Unsorted Category

2007

19

Nov

I am – Naomi Campbell’s Ass in Panties at Some 80s Party of the Day

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I am all about washed up models wearing stupid costumes to 80s parties with other washed up models only because shit reminds me of every hipster party I’ve ever been too, where motherfuckers rape thrift shops and American Apparel only to act like everyday is Halloween. The difference is that Naomi Campbell is rich and doesn’t have to hide her cocaine from her other hipster friends for fear that they are going to want a bump that will bite into her stash that she won’t be able to replenish until her dad wires her the weekly stipend he has set up for her to go to University, because she’s a rich kid.

I am also all about the fact that bitch is insane and insane girls get me excited, except for this insane girl I once banged who was emotionally unstable. I used a condom even though I am anti condom because I didn’t know what gutter she crawled out of, but she smelled like it wasn’t a very clean one and half way into it, she was begging me to take off the condom and cum inside her because she wanted to feel what it’s like to have my baby….

That scared me enough to finish up fast and run to the bathroom to flush the condom because I didn’t want her to turn it inside out and try to knock herself up. In retrospect, I should have let her have my baby, she would have made a decent mother and has been the only woman to ever ask me to get her pregnant on the first date.

Bonus – Some Slag Named Jenny Frost I’ve Never Heard of at the Same Party

Another Bonus – Kate Moss and her Boyfriend at the Party


Related Posts:

Naomi Campbell Gettin Arrested
Naomi Campbell is a Rockstar
Kate Moss Topless

Posted in:80s|Ass|Naomi Campbell|Panties|Pantyhose|Unsorted

2007

19

Nov

I am – Hayden Panettiere’s Upskirt Pictures of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Hayden Panettiere showing off a pair of yellow underwear as she gets out of a car. I always loved the concept of yellow underwear, not because it’s hot, but it’s practical and the same reason a girl on her period should wear red period pants. It’s called preventative measures…like quitting smoking because you know shit will give you cancer.

I am not posting these because I think Hayden is hot, I can only assume that no one thinks she’s hot, except for a bunch of gay dudes who run the media, because she reminds them of their first experimental blowjob when they were 16 with the awkard lookin’ exchange student from Russia who had no friends and were lookin’ for acceptance.

The reality is that I am posting these because I know you are into fetish shit….and Hayden Panettiere reminds me of the caricatures people get done of themselves at the carnival so much that when Hayden gets her caricature done, the picture comes back lookin’ like a normal person. I guess seeing her underwear is one step closer to seeing whether her vagina has the looks like a bobble-head toy too.

I am just waking up, and the last thing I want to be doing is writing this site. I hate you.


Related Posts:

Hayden Panettiere Saves Dolphins in a Bikini
Hayden Panettiere Pumps Gas
Hayden Pantettiere’s Body Scares Me

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Panties|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

19

Nov

I am – Gemma Atkinson’s Hairy Stomach in a Bikini of the Day

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So it turns out that when I go out, it’s pretty much the live-action version of this website. I get off on disturbing the peace and shit disturbing. I am not entirely sure the shit I say and do because I am fucking wasted and don’t really keep tabs on it, because I am too busy trying to stand but I do know that at some after party I was at last night, I was asked to leave, and by asked I mean the bouncer grabbed me and escorted me out.

At the time I didn’t realize what I had done to deserve that abuse, and just thought they were racist, and put up a fight but it turns out that I was chasing a girl around the party trying to snap pictures of her, she ended up poking me in the eye and I decided to threaten to beat her up, not because I was actually mad or because I would have gone through with it, I am pretty weak and usually get hurt by girls if it ever leads to a throw down, I just do it to wrestle them and have a legitimate excuse to grab their tits. I just thought it was funny and did it for dramatic effect. I’m poetic like that.

Speaking of dramatic effect, Gemma Atkinson’s got a treasure trail like a dude…It’s kinda confusing me because the contrast of her big tits and her hairy stomach is making me feel like I just walked into the changing room at a drag show, which hasn’t happened yet, but after seeing these pictures, should.


Related Posts:

Older Gemma Atkinson in a Bikini
A Different Set of Gemma Atkinson in a Bikini
Gemma Atkinson in Lingerie

Posted in:Bikini|Gemma Atkinson|Hairy|Stomach|Tits|Unsorted

2007

19

Nov

I am – The American Music Awards Arrivals of the Day

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I didn’t watch the American Music Awards because they are a waste of fucking time, even though every acceptance speech is about how shit changes lives, but unfortunately my life wasn’t one of those lives changed today, because I don’t own a TV, but if I did, I’d be living the fuckin’ dream and I am pretty sure I’d be watching scrambled porn, not because I like porn, but because distorted blue and green sex scenes excite me more than Dick Clark’s bullshit award show.

I tried getting someone in LA to crash red carpet for this event for stepTV, but I have no real pull, I couldn’t get press access and security’s a bitch, not to mention the dude I know in LA doesn’t have a camera and can barely speak english, but it still would have been better coverage than the actually award show, but that’s just like comparing a hot girl to some fat one night stand you once brought home when drunk because she was willing and you are an opportunist who doesn’t turn down a girl when she offers you creampie, unfortunately when you got back to her place, you realized that by creampie bitch actually meant a cream pie and you sat there eating whip cream and watching reruns of Seinfeld, because that’s all that was on at 4 am, until you sobered up and had to peace the fuck out because you realized that her elastic waistband on her sweat pants wasn’t something that could really get you off and for the record stepTV is that fat chick because it’s lower quality but makes for a better fuckin’ story.

I am recovering from binge drinking like a sorority girl during Homecoming week, and I don’t remember all that much of the last two nights, but I do know I laughed a lot so if you’re lucky I’ll bring some of that to you here, it happens sometimes, just not in this post.

Here are the arrival pictures from the AMAs.

Beyonce’s Got Some Insane Cleavage Going On….I Guess Someone’s Been Eating Her Fried Chicken

Alicia Keys Did Some Choreographed Dance Routine I Didn’t Understand

Amanda Bynes Got Some Fucking Legs

Ashley Tisdale is Hot Right Now, Like a Busted Old Pick-Up Truck In Your Front Lawn on a Hot Summer’s Day…

Avril Lavigne Dressed Like an Academy Award, If Academy Awards Had Stupid Hair

Some Carrie Underwood Wearing Curtains

Jennie Garth Dancing With Her Old Face…Which She Thinks is a Star…But Really Isn’t

Rihanna in Some Halloween Costume Shit Still Lookin’ Hot…

Vanessa Hudgens Because We’ve All Seen Her Naked and I Like to Show Love To Bitches Who Get Naked….

Fergie because Her Body is Too Good to be a Man

Nicole Scherzinger Because Her Dress Reminds Me of This Retarded Kids Art Project But Less Attractive….

Kellie Pickler Because We Like to Support Her Fake Tits

Miley Cyrus Because She’s Jailbait and has the Coolest Fuckin’ Father to Ever Grace the Radio With His Fucking Annoying Song….


Related Posts:

Last Year’s America Music Awards Post
Live Bloggin the 2006 VMAs
Live Bloggin’ the Academy Awards
Some Emmy Award Coverage

Posted in:Alicia Keys|Amanda Bynes|American Music Awards|Ashley Tisdale|Avril Lavigne|Beyonce|Fergie|Rihanna|Unsorted|Vanessa Hudgens

2007

16

Nov

I am – Fergie Sex Tape of the Day

I am calling fake on this one. There are so many tight bodied party sluts with haggard faces. Half of the strippers in this city look like Fergie and dress like her too. I am not sure what came first the Fergie or the Fergie outfit, because I wouldn’t be surprised if these bitches sat around analyzing her videos and copying her game because she’s an idol of theirs, like one of their own who actually made it in the world and doesn’t have to do 10 dollar lap dances anymore to pay for her cocaine and that’s inspiring to whores everywhere.

Either way, watch the video


Related Posts:

Meg White Sex Tape
Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Clips
Kim Kardashian Sex Tape Previews
Paris Hilton Exposed Pictures

Posted in:Fergie|Masturbating|Sex Tape|Unsorted

2007

16

Nov

I am – Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert Party Together of the Day

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I can’t figure out what’s worse, partying with Paris Hilton or partying with Paris Hilton and taking a backseat to her when the paparazzi hits, because they have more interest in her than you, when you’re the one who is supposed to be a movie star and she’s just a tranny lookin’ rich kid with a sex tape. It’s gotta be one of those desperate times callin’ for desperate measures in Elisha Cuthbert’s career but at least she’s wearing a Jewish Outfit of the Day because Jews always succeed and this projection shit may work…..I’ll admit, I didn’t really spend all that much time thinking about this important issue and Ididn’t spend all that much time writing this post. I’m sick, it happens, Fuck You.


Related Posts:

Elisha Cuthbert is a Jewish Retiree
Elisha Cuthbert’s Sweater Tits
Paris Hilton’s Abortion Stain
Paris Hilton Does stepTV

Posted in:Elisha Cuthbert|Paris Hilton|Party|Unsorted

2007

16

Nov

I am – Amanda Bynes’ Legs of the Day

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I met a doctor at a coffee shop the other day and he told me that 74% of the population contracts HPV at some point in their life and the chances of me not having HPV are pretty much non existent, without even taking my sexual history into consideration, shit’s just a numbers game. If he knew the shit I’ve stuck my dick inside over the years, he’d probably be telling me all the other shit that I could have, but since I didn’t know the guy, I didn’t bother go into it with him.

He also said that it’s really not a big deal for dudes, and that unless you have a major genital wart outbreak, you probably don’t know you have it, and girls are the ones who have to worry because a small percentage get vagina cancer and the cure to vagina cancer is taking out their lady parts making them incapable of having kids then he threw up his hand for a high five, I guess thinking that not being able to knock up a bitch is awesome.

That said, Amanda Bynes probably has HPV and if she doesn’t I know a pretty easy way to make those dreams come true. Come on baby, join the masses, you know no one wants to be the freak slotted into the 26% minority filled with virgins…Getting busy means getting trendy.


Related Posts:

Amanda Bynes at the Fredrick’s of Hollywood Fashion Show
Amanda Bynes Has Big Ol’ Nipples
Amanda Bynes Does the Zellwgger Face
Amanda Bynes was 21

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Legs|Skirt|Unsorted

2007

16

Nov

I am – People Who Attended the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

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Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:

You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.

Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra

Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own

Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart

Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless

Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….

Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…


Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in Picture

Posted in:Arrivals|Audrina Patridge|Eva Longoria|Hayden Panettiere|Kat Von D|Lauren Conrad|Rachel Leigh Cook|Stacy Keibler|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

16

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

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Here’s a big surprise for you, I had no idea that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was going down last night because I am bad at this shit and generally don’t really care about shit that’s going on. So it was a morning email surprise and now I have a ton of pictures of the event to share with you, so you don’t have to watch the shit when it hits your TV later in the year, or whenever the fuck they air them because your mom will probably be watching them too, and it’s always embarrassing getting a boner with your mom on the couch next to you.

Either way I usually feel like a virgin faggot when I finish writing a post on cleavage or hot asses, because I am more into creeping on girls in real life than writing shit about celebrities I don’t care about on the internet, but the difference in this post is that I do care. I have a thing for Bikini and Lingerie models that you probably understand and have made a point in my life to marry one. Since that never worked out for me I’ve always dated half-rate, discount, bargain basements, last weeks kitchen garbage, versions of bikini models, because let’s face it, my wife would have it going on if she got Gastric Bypass, lost 200 lbs and got surgery to remove the excess skin that left huge scars and stretch marks all over her body, breast implants and maybe even a new face and time machine that turned her 25 again….so in a lot of ways I guess I am dating a Lingerie/Bikini model, I just don’t know it because I am too negative to see what I have before my eyes because she’s fucking disgusting lookin….when if I look really deep, beneath all that disgusting is a hot girl suffocating to death….

Bonus – Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Geri “Ginger Spice” Haliwell Performing at Half Time…..


Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin
Live Bloggin’ the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Last Year
Lima, Kurkova and Gisele at a Perfume Launch

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Fashion Show|Heidi Klum|Lingerie|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

16

Nov

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I have a cold and feel like I am dying but that’s a big deal because I always feel like I am dying, but today it is bad enough for me to not drink and that depresses me because it’s thursday night and that’s the best night to go creep on young girls. I’d be sad about it but I have no heart so it never burns, just when i pee but that’s a whole other issue that I am not going to get into because I’d rather just give you my links….

Here are my links.

Some Crazy Fat Tits on Mamie Van Doren
GO

Britney Spears Walking Around With Her Ass Hanging Out Pictures
GO

Some Teen Shaking her Tight Booty Amazingness
GO

Dude Shove His Roommates Toothbrush Up His Ass and Films Him Using It
GO

The Sophie Monk Nude Scene Video Amazingness
GO

Pam Anderson Brain Washing Homeless People By Giving them Free Vegetarian Food
GO

This Loser Called in Sick TO Work on Halloween, But Posted These Pics on Facebook and Got Caught
GO

How About Some Pictures of a Hot Anorexic Bitch Showing Off How Flexible She Is
GO

This is the Nipple Song
GO

Some Girls Aren’t Built for Microbikinis….This is One of them
GO

Some Nude Latina on the Beach Lookin’ Better Than I Look on the Beach
GO

Some Chick Named Fearne Cotton in Pictures
GO

Lohan Goes To Jail for A Little Over an Hour….Enough Time to Get Raped By Me, I Only Need About 2 Minutes
GO

Kylie Minogue’s Nipple in a Wet T-Shirt
GO

Bill Gates At a Kelly Clarkson Concert Because Clearly Money Doesn’t By Taste
GO

Ashlee Simpson and Her Gay Boyfriend – Together in Love
GO

Rose McGowan Topless and Getting Fucked in Some Movie….Vintage But Good Times…and I am all About the Good Times
GO

Sexploitation Movie About “Weird Love Makers”
GO

Paris Hilton Grinding the Stripper Pole Better than She Grinds a Dick Video
GO

Alessandra Ambrosio in a Silk Robe to Promote the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
GO

Amy Winehouse Dealing With the Cops in Her Bra
GO

Hilary Duff Taking her Ass To Pilates
GO

A Natalie Portman Almost Upskirt Moment
GO

Hot Alligator Porn
GO

Britney Spears Running Over Another Photographer’s Foot
GO

Jennifer Ellison Lingerie Pics for you to Make Love To Yourself With
GO

The Sexy Chopstick Bra
GO

The Smell Yo Dick Song
GO

You Need Some “Period Fisting” In Your Life, Cuz You are Weird
GO

A Transformers Costume for the Virgins Out There
GO

LA Clippers Cheerleader Has a Secret Talent and It’s Not Very Sexy
GO

Some Guy’ Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup
GO

Some Brazilian Sisters Getting Naked and Wet Together to a Bad Song
GO

Some Psycho Bitch Going Crazy On People at a Party
GO

Some Dude Gets Caught Fucking His Bike
GO

Britney Spears Either Has a Bad Wax Job, Smeared Her Make-Up or is Having a Herpes Outbreak….Either Way, Her Lip Rash Is Making Me Feel Sexy, based on comparison of course…
GO

Ana Beatriz in a Hot Photoshoot
GO

Petra Nemcova is Hot at a Movie Premiere
GO

Pete Doherty is Snorting Drugs on Camera Again
GO

Some Monkey Reliving 2 Girls 1 Cup
GO

Sean Connery Claims He Lost His Virginity When he Was 18
GO

Some Cam Girl Ripping Off Her Shirt Video
GO

The Most Intense Fucking Machine a Nerd’s Ever Built Ever…
GO

Some Girls in Sports Bras Doing the Daft Punk Dance
GO

Some Man in the Fridge Prank
GO

Burnt Asshole Video
GO

This is the Sluttiest Way to Drink Water I’ve Ever Seen
GO

Some Teen Shows Her Tits and Box on Webcam…..And The Person She Showed Releases it for all of Us…
GO

Santa is Banned from saying “HO HO HO” in Australia because it is Demeaning to Women Because All Women are Whores….and Don’t Like Being Called Out on It
GO

David Letterman is Personally Paying All His Non-Writing Staff When Other Networks Have Fired Those Motherfuckers….What a Nice Guy…
GO

Dita Von Teese in NYC Cuz You Like Dead People in Lingerie
GO

Some Old Video of Some Bitch Dancing
GO

Nomal Girls Grabbing Cock Because They Are Drunk And All Girls Are Sluts
GO

Some Dirty Photobucket Album
GO

Ron’s Apartment is a Porn Site You May Like
GO

Use this Spray to Get Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted