I found this video on my computer, and it made me laugh. It is from 2008 when Steve Aoki wasn’t selling out stadiums, but was playing shitty night clubs, where I would come out to hang, drink his vodka, hit on his groupies, and sometimes, video him peeing for stepTV, a video project I probably shoulda never quit, because internet video is way more relevant than writing nonsense no one reads…but since I was born to fail…it’s totally expected…
- SFW
- NSFW(18+)
Archive for the SFW Category
2013
01
Nov
Heidi Klum Didn’t Wear a Costume this Year of the Day
I guess when you’re an old, tired, ex-model, German with an image to maintain, you spend hours of your life trying to hide the fact that you are old as fuck, but one day a year, you can get out of your mask, and let your natural self make an appearance, because everyone will just assume it’s a costume…even when it’s just real life…
Here’s Heidi Klum this Halloween….looking how she looks every morning…
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Posted in:Heidi Klum|SFW
2013
01
Nov
Carmen Electra Revisted Baywatch of the Day
Sometimes it is hard for a girl to accept that she’s a one or two hit wonder who peaked when she was on Baywatch, so she milks that shit as hard as she can, because it was the first mainstream stamp of approval she had after MTV and Playboy that made her feel like she was hot enough to really matter in life, and in that, she can’t let it go and pretends she’s just wearing it to be ironic on the Today show, or as a Halloween costume but is really what she sleeps in every night because her Baywatch life is the only thing that matters….it’s almost sad, but at least she’s still looking hot at 40…more 40 year olds need to follow this lead…
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Posted in:Carmen Electra|SFW
2013
31
Oct
Izabel Goulart for Agua de Coco Campaign of the Day
Izabel Goulart is one of the fittest Brazilian models of all time and I like her so much I follow her instagram and write her love letters on every picture hoping she will notice and set up a meeting with me at some random coffee shop like all the other girls on the internet I tell I want to make sweet love to…because girls like Izabel Goulart are just that desperate for cock that they’d use instagram to find a husband named @drunkenstepfatherdotcom…it’s one of those things, if you read instagram comments on celebrity pictures that makes me laugh, like the celebs give a fuck or even manage their own shit…they have people for that…and all it really comes down to is whether they are posting in pictures like this that we can have some “alone” time with while locked in our bathroom avoiding our wife…
I mean that fit booty is just the best marketing tool in the history of marketing tools…if you knwo what I mean…
Posted in:Izabel Goulart|SFW
2013
31
Oct
Crazy Goat Women Attacks News Crew and Other Videos of the Day
Here’s a classy woman with a classy bull nose ring who lives in a classy neighbourhood and gets herself involved in classy situations…but who doesn’t like the news crew very much…
She comes at them with Mace when making goat sounds…and I appreciate her passion…and commitment to her fight…she is a girl who knows what she wants, and goes for it…with a hot little body….I want to marry…
If you don’t like that amazing shit, here’s a homeless man with Itchy Balls…
If you don’t like, you’ll like a family traumatizing the shit out of a girl by tricking her into thinking she was getting a tablet, only to give her a rock…you know that shit is going to destroy her and follow her for the rest of her life…as she descends into prostitution/stripping or whatever else she ends up doing thanks to asshole family like this pushing her into it…
2013
31
Oct
Miley Cyrus’ Titty Clam Costume of the Day
People may want to hate Miley’s Lil Kim costume – because they just don’t see the high concept money making puppet that Miley Cyrus is…or because they don’t understand why she chose a titty pastie that was bigger than her entire titty…but they do seem to like making “twerk or treat” jokes…even though Miley doesn’t actually know how to twerk…I guess they just don’t understand how hip hop she is…but maybe her dressing up like the bitch who fucked BIGGY will make them all realize she’s legit..and not some Disney novelty act in the Hollywood Hills with too much money to be grounded or really know what’s up…
I don’t even think Miley was born when Kim was relevant, but none of that matters cuz I am too busy loving everything about this…a little too much…
Posted in:Miley Cyrus|SFW
2013
29
Oct
Anastasia Ashley in the Best Surf Video Ever of the Day
I have been trying to marry Anastasia Ashley…for the last 3 months. She’s a fucking star on all levels and I love her for more than just her fearless approach to life, her surfing and what one may consider shameless or even exhibitionism on her instagram…
I think is amazing…even if it’s not smeared up against my face…which it should be and the fact that it isn’t makes me sad.
That said, She’s been getting all kinds of shit today on the internet because she posted this video of her ass being amazing before catching a wave, if that’s even surf talk, I’m not really in that world, and I don’t know what’s up in general…maybe that’s why Anastasia won’t marry me…but what I do know is is fit round asses when I see them and it seems like this ass is fit and round and I want to chip my tooth on it…
You see surf girls, even the fat, ugly, troll-like ones all have rocking’ asses…but some get more hate than others and since I want to be her superman…I am here to defend her…
The fact is simple, she’s in a bikini all fucking day, so being in a bikini isn’t a thing for her, it’s like her posing in pants would be more unnatural for her, she’s got a great fit body, that she’s spent her life working on, that she’s clearly comfortable with, and just living, is not exploiting it just cuz she’s showing it….
No one hates on a nurse for posing in her blood and semen covered scrubs…you see this is her fucking uniform…
People can choose to watch her or ignore her, they can even hate on her, even though that’s kinda homosexual, but shitting on her for having a great shitter that happens to go everywhere she goes, because if it didn’t, that would be weird.
Girl surfers, no matter how good they are, are second rate to the men. Their prize money is shit, they need to work their asses off for sponsors who pay them whatever is left from their budget that isn’t spent on dudes, and their entire existence and ability to surf full-time depends on being spokesmodels to their brands…All surfers do this….
So the reality is, this Anastasia angel sent from heaven to ruin my life bitch can surf, she wins, she’s insane, she’s got a bigger personality than the waves she kills herself on, she works hard on surfing daily, and her ass is just her fucking ass…but here she is being hated for what is probably the best video ever, but I may just be saying that cuz I am smitten with her.
You see the industry treats these girls like models, people want these pictures and videos, their livelihood depends on it, but when they happen, everyone takes a “Higher than thou” stance, and hate on it, when really they are all the reason for it….and really what’s the big fucking deal…she’s in a fucking bathing suit surfing yo….chill the fuck out.
I am glad this video happened, because it gives us all something to compare our wife’s shitty, lazy, boring asses to…it gives me hope of one day shoving my tongue up in this….
It’s not like she’s released a sex tape to get a reality show like Kim Kardashian and all the other fame whores…she’s a suffer and this is a surf video…It’s not like she posted this and emailed all the blogs asking for it to be posted…she’s just a fucking surfer and you’re all just a bunch of perverts for thinking it’s just a strategic gratuitous ass video…and even if it was…I’ll take two more…
People just like to hate…and the only thing I hate is that Anastasia Ashley won’t be my Valentine for the rest of time…til death do us part….like we were Final Destionada….
All this to say, I wish I was her wet suit…just for a day…all covered in her pee…it would be magical…we’re all allowed to have dreams….
Posted in:Anastasia Ashley|SFW
2013
29
Oct
Selena Gomez is Awesome in a Bikini of the Day
I think I just fell in love with Selena Gomez…all it took was a few months to forget she scissored with Justin Beiber in some of the gayest lesbian sex ever…but more importantly it took some touring to shed that pesky 10 pounds of weed and prescription pill weight that was holding you down and making her not very amazing to look at in a bikini in Springbreakers….
She’s the kind of girl I want to sing love songs, written by a team of a dozen people, set up by the record label, in efforts to sell millions of copies, like I am some kind of money making puppet, because she’s into those kinds of long songs…and maybe, just maybe, we’ll scissor one day too…cuz I am an inny not an putty.
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Posted in:Selena Gomez|SFW
2013
28
Oct
Celebrity Halloween Costumes So Far of the Day
It is Halloween and people are going fucking nuts. I was just in LA and the hottest girls are always the fame whore wannabe celebrity LA chicks who aren’t at the exclusive parties, but are working fucking hard to one day be, just walking Sunset half naked, in various creative costumes, trying to get noticed and outdo each other, because that’s what competitive quest for fame is all about….
The actual celebrities, are just typical, disconnected and obvious in their played out costumes, that you’ll still like, because you appreciate disconnected celebrity bullshit, especially when in costume….even though you should be focused on the everyday girls fighting to get noticed, they have more to prove!
My biggest fail was not going to the Playboy party when I could have…I just assumed Playboy was dead…which I guess makes sense since it is Halloween and the dead celebrate…
Here are some of the celebrity costumes that people are talking about, even though they bore me, that have happened so far, even though it’s not even Halloween yet…
Zombie Hugh Hefner and his “Wife” Gold Digger Hooker Dressed Like Hooker Miley and Zombie Robin Thicke
Joan Rivers Dressed Like Fat Miley….
Elisabetta Canalis was Wonder Woman which is appropriate because we be wondering why she’s famous….
Paris Hilton did Miley Cyrus and Barbie…both the herpes ridden bootleg Kim Kardashian version…
Julianne Hough Black Face Which is Hilarious…and Amazing…Especially Since She’s Trying to Pretend it Didn’t Happen…like it was the Sex with Ryan Seacrest she “Had” when they were “dating”….
Some dude named Jamie Vandekamp Dressed like Trayvon Martin, Not Famous, But Hilarious, so I threw it in…
Kelly Brook as Mary Antoinette’s Cleavage Covered in Blood…for Any Excuse to Post Her Cleavage…
Jessica Lowndes….with Mom Cleavage…
2013
25
Oct
Lady Gaga’s Moustache Lingerie Attention Cry Press Conference of the Day
Lady Gaga is dumpy and ridiculous and always has been. She was a fabricated lie by the record labels who proved that with marketing and a little concept idiots everywhere would get totally sucked into her shit, including herself…
Well she showed up to a press conference in lingerie with a Parisian moustache…
We call this outfit, falling the fuck off, making a fool of yourself for attention, hoping your silly stunts, that are just silly stick and people respect you as an artist again, even though more focus is put on shitty publicity stunts that get boring, than on producing good quality product, you fool.
What a joke.
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