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Archive for the SFW Category

2013

14

Oct

Jimmy Kimmel Takes Blind People Shooting of the Day

1 Comment »

I haven’t figured out how I feel about Jimmy Kimmel…he’s a bit of a muppet idiot and I don’t generally find him funny, but his team has successfully penetrated the internet….and figured out how to use their big budget ABC PR people to make shit go viral…but he’s also successfully penetrated Sarah Silverman….

So part of me wants to hate him, part of me doesn’t care, part of me wonders why he exists, and part of me almost respects what he does…which doesn’t matter…

What matters is that people are criticizing him for taking blind people out shooting, but he’s just making a point that issuing giving gun licenses to blind people like they are in some states is insane…because it is insane…so as much as I don’t like endorsing anything…this video’s got my emoji thumbs up.

Posted in:Jimmy Kimmel|SFW

2013

11

Oct

stepGIRLS Wrestling in American Apparel of the Day

3 Comments »

In case you’re not up on the stepGIRLS movement…you’re an idiot and I hate you…but more importantly, they are girls who are part of our extended family, all over 18, who we can’t get in trouble by their mom’s for falling in love with, like we were Woody Allen, because they aren’t legally bound to us, just emotionally…

In case you’re not up on the DrunkenStepfather philosophy, it’s written at the top of the page..you see we like having fun with pretty girls and sometimes we take pictures…and sometimes that fun and those pictures are inspired by wrestling…and taken in front of a 3 million dollar Riopelle painting…because sometimes we like being classy even though my life is pretty much fucking homeless…all thanks to you not making me famous,

They are wearing AMERICAN APPAREL …clothing I like to thank for making girls more open minded about no bras and nipples…and even under such violent conditions…these stepGIRLS look like an angels sent from heaven to ruin your life…because you’ll get addicted…and there is no rehab for this kind of love…

Enjoy…

GET HOT CLOTHES FOR HOT GIRLS TO MODEL FOR YOU HERE

Posted in:Photos|SFW|stepEXCLUSIVE|stepGIRLS

2013

10

Oct

Adrienne Bailon in a Bathing Suit for a Charity of the Day

4 Comments »

I only make fun of celebrities…because I think everyday girls who don’t necessarily aspire to be famous…and even if they do aspire to be famous but aren’t famous…are ok…even if they are awkwardly shaped…it’s the ones who make millions off their shit that make me mad…

That’s the general misconception the lesbians don’t understand about what I do…I tear apart bitches who have won the lottery…I don’t hit instagram and tell off everyday girls and make fun of their GUNTS, or their Sloppy tits, or their cellulite ass…because they aren’t marketed as being perfect celebrities or reaping the rewards…

So despite this Adrienne Bailon having a wikipedia, she’s in her 30s, and pretty much probably makes less money than you for her “celebrity”…slotting her into a normal…at a charity…in a bathing suit…and we like charitable people helping the world…especially when it requires stripping down and getting wet…

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Adrienne Bailon|SFW

2013

10

Oct

Shay Mitchell in Some Hot Shoot of the Day

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Shay Mitchell is some actress from some show called Pretty Little Liars…she is from Canada, which would be more exciting for me if Canada was actual the way Americans interpret it, you know a small village where we all know each other, and get together in our igloos for the yearly seal hunt…that always ends in some beaver pelt trading…maple syrup eating…all set to the sounds of Avril Lavigne, Nickelback and Celine Dion…because if that was the case, I would know this girl, and probably have at least one illegitimate kid with her…because Canada also has deadbeat dads….

She’s very fucking lovely…at least in this photoshoot. I’m not sure where it is fun, but I’m a fan…

Posted in:SFW|Shay Mitchell

2013

09

Oct

Kate Upton Has Sex with a Hot Pocket for Money or Hot Pockets of the Day

5 Comments »

This hot pocket campaign with Snoop and Kate Upton would make sense if Kate Upton wasn’t an awkwardly shaped fat girl in training….a model who despite all her fame and success is plus sized…because seeing her have sex with her hot pocket…hits way too close to home…it reminds me of when she’s alone in her apartment and no one is watching all eating her feelings…and the worst thing in all this is that Upton actually begged for the gig and offered to do it for a lifetime supply of the pizza treat…no money…just cheesy meaty goodness…because you know this is how she actually gets off..right?

.

Posted in:Kate Upton|SFW

2013

09

Oct

Miley Cyrus in a Bra at her Listening Party of the Day

3 Comments »

I don’t understand why anyone hates Miley Cyrus or her hustle…but people are hating…but for every hater there’s 10 people loving her shit…I mean how can you not love it…

She’s a small framed popstar with a toned stomach….not afraid of putting herself out there or showing off her nipples…and really that to me is more than enough…but she even goes even beyond that…and every move may be calculated…contrived and strategic…but it’s not a negative thing…I mean pop music is shit…Miley just brings more excitement to it…

She had a listening party last night, I got myself invited to it when it was already too late to go, but if I was there, I would have totally held her hand and tried to get her pregnant, because to me…Miley is pretty perfect…except when she talks…but from this perspective..sitting on my soiled couch…we don’t have that issue.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Miley Cyrus|SFW

2013

09

Oct

Candice Swanepoel Instagram Erotica of the Day

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A few weeks ago…I said that I was tired of Candice Swanepoel…that her amazing Victoria’s Secret body was boring, and repetitive, and that she was old and over exposed…that Victoria’s Secret shoved her down our throats too many times…and that I was done with her and ready to move my obsessive compulsive disorder onto new models…but then today, I went to her instagram…and I learned to love again, she’s so solid…that her body should be what all girls look like…you know the mainstream average measurements…instead of all the genetically modified shit you see every time you leave your house…it would be a far better world to live in….

Here’s another video….

She is amazing…

Posted in:Candice Swanepoel|SFW

2013

08

Oct

Nicki Minaj Posted Fun Pics on Instagram of the Day

1 Comment »

Nicki Minaj posted some old bikini pics from her instragram past…that I figure I’ll repost too..because despite her being the single most annoying fabricated pop act to being contrived by the record label to fill the void in the market for a need for a black Lady Gaga…with music that may make you want to either kill her or yourself every time you hear her nonsense…she does have a hot urban body that is politically correct for big fat ass…that she likes to show off…half naked…for attention and I endorse that behavior…even if I’ve seen these pics before…sometimes it is nice to re-live the past…even though it would be easy for her to take new pics…it just requires a mirror…a very big mirror…

Here’s a video…she posted…of her booty…

Posted in:Nicki Minaj|SFW

2013

08

Oct

Shanina Shaik is Good for Marie Claire Australia of the Day

1 Comment »

Shanina Shaik is some half Lithuanian, half Pakistani, all Australian model and she’s posing in some Australian Marie Claire and she’s looking pretty lovely…but I’m probably just saying that because she’s in bathing suits and bikinis and I’m blinded by that shit…

Or maybe I am in love…and this is love…I wouldn’t know since my cold dead heart doesn’t generally feel, but it does know that it wants to sing love songs to this permanently tanned girl…not that I know how to sing love songs, but if I have learned one thing from Katy Perry and Rihanna, it’s that you don’t need to know how to sing…to make your love song matter…or get played on the radio so much that someone like me who doesn’t listen to the radio unless it is background music at the welfare office…knows all the fucking words to your brainwashing shit….but maybe I’m just saying that because she’s in bathing suits….or maybe I just always wanted to have children with a Victoria’s Secret model…my love is so transparent.

Here are the pics…

Posted in:SFW|Shanina Shaik

2013

08

Oct

Fan Gets Tasered of the Day

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I don’t watch sports, unless it involves girls grunting in skimpy outfits from beach volleyball to tennis….because I am more into girls sweaty and being intensely competitive, showing off their fitness and skills they have spent their entire life mastering…skills I couldn’t ever relate to because I’ve never committed my life to anything and have no marketable skill…but that I appreciate especially when it’s sweaty and in skimpy outfits…

But I do know that sports fans, even for insignificant sports, like at the college or even high school level, are some of the most insane fans out there, I’m talking more insane that Star Trek fans, because sports fans are booze soaked, often angry at their shitty lives, and most importantly, dumb as shit and ready to throw the fuck down…

So it is nice to see them get in the face of security and the police aggressive enough to get tasered…it actually makes me laugh that anyone would care about anything this much….I mean I don’t even thing I’d fight this hard if my wife was being abducted by criminals…but I guess that’s a horrible argument, since I was probably the one who hired those criminals to take her away….

Posted in:SFW|Videos