DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Lindsay Lohan in Burkini with a Hermaphrodite of the Day

Britney Spears Keeps Dancing of the Day

Salma Hayek’s Strong Jaw in a Bikini of the Day

Sydney Sweeney Does Make-Up on the Lake of the Day

RFK Jr’s Wife in a Slutty Dress of the Day

2009

Apr

Slutty Kids Dancing Video of the Day

2 Comments »

Everyone knows that B-More revolutionized party music and are the reason hip hop’s gone electro, but there’s some other shit going down in Baltimore that I don’t know if it’s a trend, but it is pretty fucking dirty and that’s a group of 14 year olds dirty fucking dancing in some skimpy fucking clothes. Now I don’t know if that ass shakin’ in the video is on an ass that belongs to a 14 year old, but I do know seeing some punk kid getting grinded hard, will probably lower your self esteem because you have never had that kind of swagger in your life and I like to post it to remind you that you suck at life and have less game than a fuckin’ kid.

Either way, this video is not that big of a deal, it’s just dancing, and 14 year old whores have been getting pregnant since the beginning of time, but I’m sure the white folk out there are going to be offended and think it’s fucked enough to start sending letters into Oprah to do a show on this shit, but I think she already has.

Who cares, the world is more sexualized, we’re all gonna die of Aids, but at least girls are the fucking prudes they used to be.

Posted in:Dirty Dancing|kids

2009

Apr

Denise Richards and Her Funbags for Funny or Die of the Day

3 Comments »

Denise Richards’ Funbags from Denise Richards

I hate 99% of FunnyorDie’s content. I hate the people I meet who love the shit. I hate the type of comedy it promotes and the type of copycat amateurs it has created. If you ever come across someone who starts bragging about being on featured on FunnyorDie, you will realize why.

I hate 95% of anything Will Farrell has been touched, except maybe Old School, Anchorman and a couple of highclass escorts he’s been involved in, but in my defense, I haven’t seen those since they came out and I’ve been drunk the past couple of decades, so maybe I just saw them on a good day. I do know that I recently saw the skating movie and I was begging for a plane to crash into the building like it was 9/11. Seriously that fucking bad.

I hate the word funbag. It reminds me of college jocks, slappin’ dicks in excitement for the hot set of tits they saw on this broad at Spring Break, you know the one drunk and based out that they gang raped.

So natural, I hate this Denise Richards funny or die clip about her funbags…

Posted in:Denise Richards|Funbags|Funny or Die

2009

Apr

Audrina for PETA of the Day

5 Comments »

Audrina was asked to do a PETA ad half naked, I guess PETA takes anyone they can get, but I like to think it’s because she seems to be as receptive as a dog, with her glassed over confused eyes, tilting her head trying to understand the sounds coming out of her friend’s mouths, because sometimes words are hard to make sense of, or some shit.

Either way, she’s promoting people save a dog instead of buying from a breeder, because I guess PETA feels sorry for the secondhand, second rate dogs.

Now I am a fan of dogs, in fact, I like dogs more than I like people, and I do find buying from a breeder a obnoxious, but at least you know what you are getting. I am not down with puppy mills but I am also not down with taking on other people’s problems, or half handicap amputee dogs that smell.

I like my dogs like I like my women, virginal. I like to be the one to make them scared of men, or to be the reason they are missing limbs, I don’t need other people to do the damage for me and leave me with the fuckin’ aftermath.

Either way, the only think cute in this picture is the fear in her dog’s eyes…

Here she is at the launch of the ad, because I guess people like useless parties for useless projects useless people are involved in. What a waste of money….Good times.

Posted in:Audrina Patridge|PETA

2009

Apr

Amy Winehouse is Still on the Beach of the Day

3 Comments »

The good news is that my favorite celebrity, the one famous girl I can honestly say is the caliber woman I am used to, is still in the Caribbean showing off her hot bikini body.

The bad new is that she’s not showing off the replacement vagina on her leg. That shit turned me on. Maybe I’m desensitized by all the nudity I see that I can only get off to vaginas in obscure places…like in my freezer….

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Bikini

2009

Apr

Bree Olson Talks About How She Likes to Fuck of the Day

3 Comments »

After posting some topless pictures of Bree Olson that a friend of mine took in her hotel room during the AVN awards in Vegas because he’s got the in with the pornstars and wanted me to tell the world that he’s better than you, not that we needed to tell you that anyone is better than you. I mean, I could have said I had a friend with pancreatic cancer who just filed for bankrupcy, his wife left him for his best friend and cancer doctor who was in the process of saving his life, and now he’s torn whether to continue treatments or just kill himself and you’d be envious of him because a woman actually married him, even though she’s a fat cheating cunt.

Either way, some dude sent this video in of Bree talking at some conference about how she likes dirty sex, getting her faced shoved in the toilet, you know keeping it classy and making her parents proud, because I guess she thinks the more hardcore you go, the more relevant you are in the industry, or maybe it’s because she’s so desensitized that it’s the only way to go. I just know I don’t find it hot, but you probably will, so watch it.

Go Vote in some Contest all the Pornstars are Going Nuts Over
GO

2009

Apr

stepLINKS of the Day

5 Comments »

I don’t know why I didn’t post very much today. I guess it happens as a lazy, confused drunk. In reality, I am surprised I’ve managed to keep the site up this long and consistent considering I am a lazy, confused, drunk.

The good news is that the local hockey team lost tonight which means that all the assholes I hate can finally shut the fuck up about their fucking team. I ended up at a bar earlier and it turned out to be a mistake. I’m talking people crying, people screaming, all over nothing.

Maybe I’m the weird one, actually, I know that I am the weird one.

I got this email correcting something I wrote…not that anyone would listen to what I have to say but just in case:

You keep saying that the age of consent in Canada is 14 years old. This is no longer true. The government raised it to 16 last year unless you are within 5 years of their age. Hate to see you cause someone to get in trouble.

Here are my links, more to come tomorrow….

The Closest Thing To Getting Laid You’ll Get All Day
GO

Paris Hilton Takes Her Herpes to Camaroon
GO

Benny Hill Car Chase, Because Anything Benny Hill is Amazing
GO

The 9 Sexiest Czech Women
GO

Welcome to the Gayifier
GO

Helly Brooke Says Enjoy the Show
GO

Learn some Ettiquette, 60’s Style
GO

Prostinauts – All Those Astronaut Jokes Make a Hell of a Lot More Sense Now
GO

In Brunette Heaven
GO

5 Action Figures Adults Can Relate To
GO

Legalize Prostitution! Stop Religious & Sexual Hypocrisy
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

25 With a 9 Year Old Speaks for Itself, Doesn’t It?
GO

Find Girls to Fuck – Because Sex is a Two Person Activity
GO

Chelsea Handler Versus Paris Hilton
GO

Petra Nemcover HAs Left Me Speechless
GO

Tori Spelling’s Family Wants Her in REhab
GO

Aubrey O’Day Panty Upskirt
GO

Evan Rachel Wood is Working it Lately
GO

Dog the Bounty Hunter Almost Got Shot!
GO

Jennifer Lopez is Making Want Her Latina Ass More and More, Day by Day
GO

How To: Kiss a Girl
GO

Jennifer Maxx Loves a Good Drilling
GO

And That’s Why You Never Get Too Close…
GO

Use This To Get Sex..Because Sex is Fun
GO

WTF is WRONG with Kelly Bensimon’s Tits?
GO

Taylor Vixen Wet and Wild
GO

Sexy Dance FAIL
GO

Because You Probably Need a Laugh Today
GO

I Love You Vanessa Hudgens
GO

Amy Green is Topless
GO

Gwen Loves the Great Outdoors
GO

I Love You Halle Berry
GO

Penny Cruz Just Made My Day
GO

Lenka and Her Best Friend
GO

The Octomom Was a Stipper For Over a Year and Guess What Her Name Was?
GO

Bohemian Crap Machines
GO

Like Mother Like Daughter
GO

Michael Jacson WTF?!
GO

Dilco Corn Pony
(seriously this is awesome)
GO

And Now, a Tribute to the Underboob
GO

Miami Slut Tits
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

Apr

Beyonce’s Unedited Vocals of the Day

35 Comments »

This is amazing but I don’t really believe it. They say that this is her performing on the TODAY show and that this audio feed is actually what is being fed through the mic before going through some board that adjusts her pitch or some shit. I mean I’m not a record producer and it seems like it’d be possible. I am an asshole though and think this is hysterical. I watched it four times, it’s like someone clowning on singing, you know so bad you’d expect it to be coming out of a crazy person who just drank daino and is roaming the streets beeping at random people…it is so bad that it is fucking amazing…AMAZING.

Posted in:Beyonce|Unedited|Vocals

2009

Apr

Lindsay Lohan is Still the Star in my Eyes of the Day

9 Comments »

I love this security guard in this video, maybe it’s because I hate the paparazzi, but it’s probably because the dude is cool. He’s telling the scummy paparazzi to fuck off and when they tell him he’s taking his job too seriously, he keeps telling them to fuck off.

There’s no way you or anyone can really respect the asshole paparazzi with their cameras, sure I use their pictures all the time, but that doesn’t mean I think they are good at taking pictures or that I think shit is an honorable career, they are fucking theifs who try to rip everyone off with their shitty pictures and insane prices and they even killed Princess Diana.

Either way, I was walking my dog and he made friends with this emo kid. I’m talking skinny jeans, funny mohawk, artist t-shirt, who was probably in his early 20s. I was thinking to myself that shit is way too androngynous nowadays, like that dude really looks like a girl and when I asked his name and he told me it was Melanie, I still didn’t catch on to the fact that I was talking to a fuckin’ girl. I only realized while walking away what I just experienced and I am still confused about the whole thing.

Here are some pictures of a sexy Lohan sunglass shopping. People say she’s too skinny, but let me remind you, there is no such thing as too skinny, there is however such thing as too fat and unfortunately, I’m sitting next to her right now….

BONUS – Don’t pay any attention to Ali Lohan’s tight little shorts cameltoe, girl’s only 15 dude….I’m in Canada…14 is Legal…Not that I’d ever do a 14 year old…I’m just saying, we may not get Hulu, but we do get prime teen pussy….right….

Posted in:Ali Lohan|Cameltoe|Lindsay Lohan|Shopping|Skinny

2009

Apr

Brittny Gastineau and Her Boring Cleavage of the Day

1 Comment »

Brittny Gastineau is a bitch I rip into sometimes. She’s best friends with the Kardashian, probably because they let her on their show, not that I watch their show, or know whether she’s on it, but assume she is, because she seems like she would be, you know since the Kardashians and her have same lifestyle, you know doing absolutely nothing all the fucking time, you know contributing nothing to society and my proof that I am write about this lazy rich kid tag along is that she’s responded to me on twitter. As a poor, desperate, low self-esteemed fat dude in canada, I wouldn’t even answer me on twitter. I guess the good life’s also the boring life.

Here are her fat tits.

Posted in:Brittny Gastineau|cleavage

2009

Apr

Beer Bong Pussy of the Day

18 Comments »

I hate fratboy jocks. I am pretty sure you all know why and it’s not like they really like me either. Everytime I’ve come across one, it’s always ended in a fight or argument because fuckin’ with morons is funny to me but morons only know how to argue by gang raping you in the bathroom, but don’t worry it’s not gay if they do it together and if it’s meant to teach a lesson.

Either way, I love how his asshole friend, if you watch the video you’ll hear:”

“No, No, He’s Okay”

…..famous last words from the idiot who let you die. I guess next time you Beer Bong, god knows why you’d want to, but if you’re an idiot and do, you know for Spring Break or to impress dumb college chicks with used up Sorority pussy, make sure the asshole you’re doing with is not this guy.

Personally, if I wanna get fucked up, I’d rather drink a lot the traditional way or do recreational drugs, we don’t need to make a mockery of my lifestyle choices by inventing stupid college party tricks. Assholes.

Posted in:Beer Bong|Pussy