I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2009

17

Feb

Hysterical Carrie Underwood Video of the Day

I just found out about this, but apparently Carrie Underwood is dating some Ottawa Senators player named Mike Fisher. Now Ottawa is in Canada, it is a 2 hour drive from where I am and I’m not going to go try to kidnap this bitch because I just don’t care. What I do care about is how funny it is when the jumbotron/tv spot her and she tries to duck and hide in some sort of panic. I haven’t seen that kind of panic since getting caught jerking off to some unsuspecting college girl and her boyfriend fucking when I slipped on the fire esacpe and fell through the window screen with erection in hand. Talk about a bad scene.

I don’t know why these popstar celebrities like hockey players, it’s a fucking fad though. I live in Canada and everyone’s a fucking hockey player and they all look toothless and beat the fuck up, short, bald and seem to do too much coke, stage gangbangs, fuck teenagers, have tons of money and like to be tough guys especially in lockeroom hazings when sodomizing each other with hockeysticks and by hockey sticks I mean their tongues and dicks….not to mention they all speak like fucking backwoods inbred retards from Ontario who have fart parties while hunting caribou or some shit. I’d demonstrate for you, but I don’t have a mic.

Posted in:Carrie Underwood|Duck|Hockey

2009

17

Feb

Vanessa Hudgens Pumpin Gas of the Day

She has to do the man’s work, like take out the garbage, fuck with a strap-on, hang the paintings, carry in the groceries and fill the car up with gas, mainly because her boyfriend has a vagina.

Yeah I know you’d think he’d be into hoses, you know with being a fuckin’ poofter who jerks off to hose all day, but the irony in the whole thing is that the only hose he lets near him is the one attached to a high colonic before a long weekend or attached to one of the many faceless men he lets inside him over that same long weekend…

Posted in:Pumpin Gas|Vanessa Hudgens

2009

17

Feb

George Lucas and His Jungle Fever Tits of the Day

Who knew George Lucas got pussy….here I thought he was like all his Star Wars fan and unintentionally celibate, you know a bi-product of being into aliens and space travel and sci-fi, you know like he was the leader of the pack or some shit. Then I see these pictures of him with his girlfriend and her tits and not only does she have a pussy but that pussy is black pussy. Now that may not seem like an accomplishment to you, but I once heard some black guy talking about how black guys go for any white pussy, you know you can have an oversized sack of shit of a girl that you’d think no one in the world would want to fuck, but as long as she’s white there will be line up of brothers getting in line and taking a fucking number to get down with her, but black girls only go for a handful of white cock and that white cock has got to be pretty fucking substantial, you know rich or huge, or famous, or really good looking because they don’t waste time with average white guys since their penises don’t fit in and shit. I really wonder what attracted to her to him, maybe it was the little piece of movie history that his face is what the Ewok costume was modeled after….maybe he’s got a huge cock…but I’m going with it’s because he’s worth a fucking lot of money.


BONUS – Kelly Pickler also has Jungle Fever and went on a Fashion Show Date with Miss Africa USA proving that Idol Really Opened Her Up to Top Notch Celebrity Friendships….

Posted in:George Lucas|Jungle Fever

2009

17

Feb

India Doesn’t Like Valentine’s Day of the Day

I guess I am not the only one who thinks Valentine’s Day is a fucking scam. Not to say I’m not a romantic, everyday is Valentine’s Day in my house, like just this past weekend I totally staged a fight with my wife that ended with her tied to a chair with access to four bags of chips and went on a 36 hour bended to try to take advantage of horny, sad, lonely, insecure girls by swooning them with flowers, candy and stuffed toys I got at the Salvation. It obviously didn’t work out for me, but at least I didn’t have to deal with my cunt wife and her heavy breathing that sounds like she’s choking on her chin.

She was pretty mad when I got home, but not as mad as I was when I had to clean up the shit and piss mess she left from soiling herself because I didn’t think through the whole bathroom situation when I left her.

I’m just joking, I didn’t do that, I just ignored her and didn’t answer her calls, but there’s no fun in that, since romance is all about kidnapping and abandoning.

Either way, this video is of some girl getting beat by cops for celebrating Valentine’s Day, a policy I suggest we instill in North America as it will prevent a lot of people from hating themselves and a lot of guys from having to pretend they love the bitch they have a prison sentence with.

Posted in:Abuse|India|Valentine's Day

2009

17

Feb

Paris Hilton and Snoop Dog have a Rap Off of the Day

What the hell is going on in this video and where is the uncensored, unprotected, gang rape version?

On a side note, people are posting these pictures saying that Paris is flashing her vagina, I’m no pantyhose expert despite loving pussy, but I’m pretty sure if this was her pussy, we’d see green shit spilling out of it, and that she’s probably got her lead underwear as to not disintegrate everything withing 5 feet of her….I know…Paris Hilton Rancid Radioactive Pussy jokes are fuckign weak and obvious. It’s early, leave me alone. If you want to see pictures that will remind you of when you were 6 and little sally got a little too riled up fingerpainting and ended up pulling her dress around her head so you could all see her underwear under her knitted tights, these pics are for you. My friend calls it Kindergarten Crotch.

The “close-ups”:

Paris keepin’ it wholesome posing with kids and puppies…

Here she is pulling some Selma in Sierra Breast Feeding Aids Babies Shit…

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Rap|Snoop

2009

17

Feb

stepLINKS of the Day

I didn’t realize that it was a holiday everywhere in the fucking world today and I ended up posting more than ever and I am pissed off about that. I should have been sitting on my ass all day doing nothing…oh wait…I was. Everyday is a fucking vacation. Everyday is Spring break. I just distract myself by writing bullshit for you, but I’m still pissed off that you fuckers didn’t work and I wasted my time pretending to work when I could have been doing something else, like sexually harassing girls on facebook, oh wait, I did that anyway. Who am I kidding, this is all I have goin’ for me, unless you consider harassing Defending Lily Allen by Dissing Perez Hilton on Twitter my true life work….

Either way, here are some links to tide you over until I wake up.


Cure Your Case of the Mondays In the Best Way Possible
GO

I Hope Kate Moss’s New Baby Is as Hot As She Looks In This Photo, Or At Least Made of Cocaine
GO

The Naomi Watts Full Frontal Nudity Pictures I Won’t Buy
GO

Chris Brown’s PSA About Domestic Abuse
GO

The Tunnel of Sexual Assault is What I call my Wifes Vagina.
It’s Also a Pretty Awesome Theme Park Ride
GO

A Collection Of Aubrey O’Day’s Slutty Photos
GO

Hitler is Still Raw About How the Superbowl Went Down
GO

Who Knew Thandi Newton Could Provoke Boners So Well?
GO

A Giant Skateboard Out Thrashes Anything
GO

Start Your Week Off On a High Note
GO

Next Time You See a Slut With a Gucci Handbag, You Can Thank ScarJo’s Massive Rack
GO

Everyguy Wanted to Fuck His Babysitter at One Point
GO

Carina Will Make You Hate Your Girlfriend, or In Your Case, Blow Up Doll
GO

Can YOU Tell Which Of These Britney’s Are Made of Wax?
GO

Striptease of the Day
GO

I Can Never Get Enough of Charlize Theron
GO

As Sure As The Sun Rises in The East, Keeley Hazell Will Show You Her Tits
GO

Amanda Bynes Takes Her Legs to Fashion Week
GO

The Only Way to Make It Easier Is If I Fucked Them For You
GO

Cameron Diaz Continues on Her Cougar Rampage
GO

Bar Rafaeli Hotness
GO

Charlie’s Zombies is the Newest Cinema Feature Starring Lohan and Others
GO

Lidiya is For All You Fire Crotch Lovers
GO

X-Ray Goggles Will Make Our Lives Betters
GO

I Guess Your Face Can Serve As Breaks When All Else Fails
GO

Amy Reid Will Be in Your Dreams
GO

Now Here’s a Local Weather Man I Would Tune Into Everyday
GO

Now THAT’S What I Call Self Service
GO

Obama Will Beatbox His Way Into The Hearts of People Everywhere
GO

Benji Madden is Most Probably Bumping Vaginas with Katy Perry
GO

When Mail Order Porn Goes Wrong
GO

Because We All Need Something to Inspire Hope
GO

Sophie Howard Bares All On the Beach
GO

Bold Babe Explores Areas Unknown
GO

Sienna Miller is a Bit of a Fucking Bitch
GO

Eliza Dushku: March Rocks sMaxim Magazine
GO

April Scott is To Die For
GO

Miley Cyrus Can’t Remember the Lyrics
GO

Salma Hayeks Tits Are Officially Off The Market
GO

Cat Tortuerer Posts His Vids on Youtube, and Fucks Himself in the Process
GO

Christian Bale Get Raped By The Unfunniest Show On TV
GO

Shaq Gets His Dance On, Ya’ll
GO

Another Hollywood Remake That Will Make You Want to Shoot Yourself in the Face
GO

A Collection of 500 of the Best Daytona Bikini Pics
GO

Some Amazing Dukes of Hazzard Bloopers to Make You Forget That Shitstorm Remake of a Movie
GO

Hot – Young – Busty Webcam Show in Her Kitchen Amazingness
GO

The Ultimate in Awkward Girlfriend Filming Herself Masturbating for her Boyfriend Because Part of her is a Slut, She’s Just Too Young to Fully Grasp It and Be Comfortable With It…But She Still Cums…
GO

Some Webcam Booty Slow Dance
GO

Webcam Booty Dance…
GO

Have you Seen This Video of Two 18 Year Old Girls Kissing In Some Kid’s Room in their Thongs….Well You Should…It’ll Remind of that Babysitting Fantasy You Had
GO

Drunk Sluts Fro Around the Country
GO

Death By Dildo Seems Like One Hell of a Way to Go Out
GO

Some PBS Pussy Flash
GO

Crazy Asian Freakout
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS

2009

16

Feb

Fergie in Her Bikini on Vacation and in Love of the Day

Here are some more pictures of Fergie on vacation in her bikini. I am going to go get drunk so you should just try to write your own post in your head while jerking off, or doing whatever you do to bikini pics of Fergie. I hear playing some of her music while opening these pictures makes the whole experience all the more pathetic, a feeling you’re probably used to every time you cum….and by you I mean…me.

Posted in:Bikini|Fergie|Vacation

2009

16

Feb

Lindsay Lohan and Her See Through Shirt Shopping of the Day

Lohan tells people I am her stalker. That makes me laugh because I never really bother with her because she’s pretty much useless to me, but if it makes her feel more important and it feeds her cocaine fueled insanity and paranoia, that’s ok with me, because anything that puts her over the edge is a good thing.

I wrote her this message on Facebook the other day, it’s not very funny but I am going to post it anyway.

why are you so crazy?

I met a bi-polar schizophrenic dude this weekend and he reminded me of you. He was erratic and grabbing random girl’s tits like a fucking mad man, he took a bite out of a cheese wheel and kept asking a 50 year old if her pussy still got wet. It was amazing, except for the fact that he wouldn’t leave the party, ended up angry and trying to choke out random people like he was Chris Brown. Dude was 30 and looked about 80, with sunken cheeks, ratty white hair, yellow eyes, and malnourished chain smoking body and a weathered face so he was easy to take outside. We named him Lohan.

Why do you always fight with ronson in public?

maybe you need to step the fuck back and realize you aren’t as important as you think you are, and those petty things you freak out about because you are crazy is fucking crazy and a waste of everyone’s time, even the publics’.

I get that you’re bored, you don’t work, you’re not really a lesbian and a drug addict, that shit is frustrating, but you are all kinds of angry and crazy and damaged and you need to take it down a fucking notch because it annoys me.

Lower the fucking intensity, smoke some weed or take some sedatives or something, move out of LA, move to a Villa in Mexico or Thailand or Costa Rica, live a simple life with a pool and the sun and fucking pineapples and coconuts and shit growing in your backyard and leave us alone.

You scare me, just the way you randomly communicate with me is fucking nuts, I can’t imagine what you’re like with people you actually do know, but I know that if you weren’t a second rate child star no one cares about, and lived a normal fucking life, acting the way you do would get you put the fuck away by now.

The only reason you have friends or people around you that let you get away with acting like a spoiled cunt is because you finance their fucking lives, they are on payroll and they need you to pay their mortgages or some shit. You are all alone.

Much love, the guy you think is your stalker,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

PS – You Looked amazing last night when I was hiding in your closet watching you take that massive coke shit. It almost got me hard.

That was stupid and I don’t know why I bothered, now here are some pictures of her filling to void shopping for her skinny ass in a see through shirt….whore….

BONUS – The Lohan and Ronson V Day Fight that forced them to cancel a very important club appearance….in Lohan’s Circus Tent of a Vagina….

Another Bonus – Lohan Checking Out Girls who Actually Work and Charlotte Ronson’s Fashion Show…..

An actual bonus….with some crazy cleavage pics because there’s nothing like a skinny girl with fat fucking tits….it’s defies nature and I freaks like that….

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|See Through|Shopping

2009

16

Feb

Disney Stars Make Pedophiles Happy with their Webcam of the Day

I always randomly end up on sites or get sent photobucket albums of creeps who scour the internet for videos of 15 year old girls dancing and acting like 15 year old girls and shit’s fuckin creepy. I have reported many Youtube accounts to the FBI and to Youtube because sometimes their “favorite” videos are way too fucking inapproriate. I guess I’m an asshole like that, but I just believe a girl should be naked on the internet unless she’s 18, naked in my bed while I don’t ask for ID proof of her age because who needs to ruin a good thing with the sad fucking truth, at the back of my mind know that meeting her at a 15th birthday party at the McDonald’s playroom and the whole school girl outfit she is wearing is probably a solid giveaway but who I am to make those kinds of judgements, who says she’s not 18.

It’s legal in Canada but wrong in internet video so I wonder why Disney released this video of them dancing around like the videos so many perverts watch, oh right, cuz they sexualize these girls and turn them into sluts by 14, I forgot, it’s all part of their business plans and their parents sold their souls by signing the dotted fucking line….

Unfortunately for you, it doesn’t end with a dick in any of their orifices.

On a side note, I wonder if they licensed all these songs, or if they are illegal downloads. If they aren’t paying royalties on this shit, someone needs to arrest these motherfuckers.

Posted in:Dance|Demi Lovato|Disney Stars|Selena Gomes

2009

16

Feb

Jessica Simpson’s Fat Chick Distraction Strategy of the Day

Jessica Simpson’s pulling a couple fat tricks here. The first one is to wear black because you blend into the night sky behind you so we don’t know where you start or end but more importantly to use her fat chick tits as a distraction from the fat rest of her, not that I care, I’m fatter than this bitch, my wife is 4 times fatter than this bitch and she’s getting on in years, dropped out of pop music and just wants to live the simple life with her Cowboy and BBQ ribs or any pork product and cheesecake and chocolate and fries and burgers and pie, lots of pie, so we should just leave her the fuck alone about this shit, she served her purpose as the young star we wanted to fuck, now it’s time to let her gracefully graze her way into menopause and while she does while all you big titty fat chick loving mother fuckers who are the reason fat chicks exist and have confidence to leave their house masturbate to the idea of her making her way over to the dark side….and by dark side I mean black cock, they live for fat blondies just as long as she’s white. True story.

Posted in:Fat|Jessica Simpson