DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

Sydney Sweeney Gives a Booty Show of the Day

Christina Aguilera Whorin’ Old Lady of the Day

Christina Milian Posing with Produce of the Day

Aurelie Dupont is the Instagram Of The Day

Britney Spears Returns With Weird Dancing of the Day

2008

Oct

Show Your Heart On For Eagles of Death Metal of the Day

8 Comments »

I am running a contest on the site. This is an exciting day for all of us, especially if you are a fan of Eagles of Death Metal and into exploiting yourself on a minimal level to win.

Who?

Eagles of Death Metal are a band. If you’ve never heard of them or want to hear their music Check Their Myspace.

Their Tour Starts October 30. And you can win a chance for you and a friend to get into their show, get backstage and hang with them and by hang with them I mean try to seduce them like the groupies you are. This could be your meal ticket.

How do you win ?

Take a sexy picture or video that ties into the band, ideally one better than the first enty I got earlier today. That means write their name on your body parts, do a dance to their song, film an amateur porn with a picture of the band taped to your girlfriends face. Get creative. I want this shit to inspire me.

Then send in a sexy picture, video, link to a picture, link to a video to email hotline (at) drunkenstepfather.com for me to choose the winner of the week.

Rules:

-The picture/video must be of you or taken by you
-The sexiest/funniest/most creative entry wins
-You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

Let me say that again,

– You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

One more time,

-You Have to Choose the Date and Location You Want to Attend and You Have to Get Yourself There….and include that in the email…

-I will be choosing the winners.
-I will be posting the entries on the site

Let me say that again,

-I will be choosing the winners.
-I will be posting the entries on the site

Prize:

1- 2 tickets to the Eagles of Death Metal concert of your choice
2- 2 backstage passes to the Eagles of Death Metal concert of your choice.
3- Some time to meet the band, or some of the band, I won’t be there, so you’ll have to figure it all out on your own, but the label tells me you’ll get to meet the band

I am giving out 1 prize pack per week, on every friday for the length of the tour, so if you see your city/town that you want to attend on their Myspace, your best bet is to submit the week before the concert date. Since we’re doing multiple winners and no one reads the site, your chances of winning are pretty fucking high.

So start sending in your entries to to email hotline (at) drunkenstepfather.com

Posted in:Contest|Eagles of Death Metal|Tits

2008

Oct

Allegra Versace’s Pretty Skinny of the Day

6 Comments »

Monster Donatella Versace brought out her own little Halloween creation to some fashion event the other day and I am not talking about her face, I am talking about her daughter Allegra who has been battling eating disorders for a long time, probably because her mother is fucking crazy and she had to put up with that shit her entire life, but who’s pointing fingers, when you’re this skinny, your can use your knees and elbows to point at things, they are sharp and really drive the point home.

As an endorser of eating disorders, I have been trying to get my wife into one for a long fucking time and I think it’s safe to say that this girl has gone a little above and beyond the normal range of starving yourself, to the point where she’s not a hot skinny, but an offensive skinny, but figured I’d post this shit for the anorexic porn fetish people out there, because you love how big your dick looks next to her leg, and you love that her low blood sugar and energy levels make it impossible for her to run away from you….and I guess what it comes down to is at least she’s not fat. So instead of hating on her disorder, we should embrace it and ask her for nudes, because I always wondered what a girl this skinny’s vagina looks like. I am thinking, pretty fleshy, with a little uterus stickin’ it’s tongue out at us, but I really don’t know for sure and that is the real tragedy in seeing these pictures…especially since her heart will explode in the next couple months.

I guess this is a pre-RIP motherfucker post, unless girl smartens the fuck up and eats some motherfuckin’ food, it’s not like she can’t afford a fuckin’ burger.

Posted in:Allegra Versace|Eating Disorders

2008

Oct

Heidi Klum Does Victoria’s Secret Make Up of the Day

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I guess that despite Heidi Klum’s fame and fortune she still belongs to Victoria’s Secret because here she is in pixie wings and posing with a slutty mannequin at their make-up launch. I guess it’s just a small price to pay since they saved her from a life of German Scat porn, an existence nobody really wants, because despite your love for it, getting shit on is never fun or sexy. It’s like that time I saved a girl from getting hit by a car when she was talking on her cellphone and demanded that she lets me see her naked as payment for my good deed, only in this case, Heidi Klum actually listens, where the girl I saved just called her boyfriend and told him some creep tried to get her naked because he pulled her from traffic when she was crossing the street on a green. Hey no one said my idea of saving lives is the same as your idea of saving lives, and in retrospect it was a pretty weak attempt to see pussy, but that’s not the point, the point is that I wonder what that mannequin she’s standing next to is named, she looks like she wouldn’t say no…..no matter how many fingers you’ve shoved in the hole you drilled into her after stealing her from the mall and bringing her back to your mom’s basement with you.

Posted in:Heidi Klum|Make-Up|Victoria's Secret

2008

Oct

Travis Barker After the Great Leg Fire of the Day

8 Comments »

These are the first real pictures of Travis Barker after a month stint in the hospital trying to deal with the horrible burns that he got after being in a plane crash that killed 5 people, just not the right people, I’m talking to you DJ AM. I am just bugging, I don’t wish death upon anyone, I figure it’s just nice to see that this mother fucker is out walking around because I think he’s a real talent. No one plays the drums quite like him and after being in hospital for a month, these pictures could be seen as inspirational and gross, because if I was burned on half my body, I’d make an effort to not advertise that shit, like the time I was at a restaurant and a dude with one of those voicebox things pulled out his fucking throat piece to eat right next to me, making me enjoy my shitty meal a hell of a lot less. We get it, life goes on and we have to deal with our shit, but trying to accommodate to the people around you is just the right thing to do…..I am talking to you guy who lives in the building next door and who insists on walking around in pantyhose……with your blinds open….smiling….cuz you know we’re all watching you in disgust….and you feel like you’re on some kind of stage performing for your fucking fans…..stop.

Either way, as Travis limps in his silly slippers, with his legs that once was covered in ink, DJ AM is touring with Jay Z, banging Mandy Moore and getting all kinds of sympathy from the world, so I guess he is the winner of the plane crash survival bet they had….and I guarantee at least one Barker fan is pouring gasoline on his leg right now, to simulate this body mod, since all the Barker fully body tattoo suit he copied is now pretty much obsolete…..

Posted in:Fire|Plane Crash|Travis Barker

2008

Oct

Someone Owes Superhead 1000 dollars and She’s Coming to Collect of the Day

11 Comments »

Superhead is some whore that rappers and basketball players pass around like a joint. They just can’t figure out what the hell is going on in her mouth to make her give these life changing blowjobs and she’s openly written about her experiences with a variety of famous people.

The one relationship I do remember her being in was with Bill Mahr, the dude from Politically Incorrect, who used to treat her like a piece of shit slut everytime they got it on and he insisted on degrading her by calling her a nigger whore when they would be together and she put up with it, so I guess she’s the perfect girl. You know, no self respect, great blowjobs and as long as you have money or status she doesn’t say no.

This video is of her asking for the 1000 dollars someone owes her and I thought it was funny, because going to the internet asking for 1000 dollars is pretty fucking desperate for someone who’s pretty well known in certain circles, but I guess when you’re a money grubbing whore who spent her last 50 bucks on her weave, 1000 dollars is a lot of money, just think of all the fried chicken that shit could buy…..yeah, bad joke, I know, you don’t have to remind me.

Here she is in a sex tape. This may not be her, I mean I can’t really tell if it is or not, I am not good at identifying people and this shit went down 5 years ago, so this could be her in a sex tape with Mr Marcus, you decide….Warning….NSFW (or pretty much anything, especially racist people’s masturbation practices)

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Oct

Jodie Marsh’s Lesbian Haircut of the Day

1 Comment »

Last week I was at a party and a girl was sitting at the bar next to me, she had this stupid shaved side of her head that I hadn’t really seen since the 80s at punk shows and I was kinda surprised it made a comeback since shit was heavily lesbionic. I sat there staring at it for a while, because the girl was one of those fashionista bottle whore types, and not a ratty street kid like you’d expect to see with half her head shaved and over the course of 20 minutes she was next to me, her friend kept coming up to her and telling her how much they loved her hair, when I decided to chime in and say something along the lines of the fact that no penis will ever go near her again….ever, and she just blew me off and by the end of the night, I saw that I was totally wrong, because she was dancing on a table for a bunch of men, which goes to show you that, despite ripping away all things potentially sexy about you, by raping your head, guys will still stick it to you, because you have a vagina.

That said, when I saw these pictures of UK slut Jodie Marsh with the letter N dyed into her hair, like a bad hip hop video, I thought the same thing, but then I realized she’s still got insane tits, so who really cares about whatever fuckin’ statement she’s trying to make, because all I want to do is sneak into her bedroom and steal a pair of her dirty panties to try to figure out the secret ingredient in her Big Mac’s special sauce and I am going to have to with 6 month old stale semen, because I’m pretty sure this chick is a dyke now, or at least that’s what her hair and the company she keeps is telling me. It’s also telling me to stop this post now because no one gives a fuck about her.

Posted in:Haircut|Jodie Marsh|Lesbian

2008

Oct

Charlize Theron’s Mom Tries to Defend Her of the Day

1 Comment »

Charlize Theron gets bambarded by the paparazzi and thinks she looks ridiculous, so she hides behind her mom to protect her and tells us to look at her mom’s legs, well I didn’t really have a chance to do that, because I was too busy lookin’ at her mom’s tits in her cleavage exposing dress, because I figure why go for the unattainable when you can seduce her lonely mother who is secretly jealous of her daughter’s celebrity, because she wishes that when she was in her prime, she had the same kind of attention, and is instead forced to take Charlize’s sloppy seconds, when the real magic that is Charlize came from her vagina, so I am all for going to the source, especially when the source is well past it’s prime, desperate for approval, menopausal and unable to get knocked up, and a minx in bed from all the years of experience, the only challenge is ignoring her grey pubic hair, but that’s always been easy for me, because I am easily distracted by gaping old lady vagina….

Posted in:Charlize Theron|Mom|Paparazzi

2008

Oct

Kardinal Offishall Number 1 Video Premiere of the Day

1 Comment »

Kardinal Offishall is cool with me. His people put me on the list to some parties, they got me tickets to his concert, they unlike every single record label or artist value what the site brings to the table or some shit, so when I saw this premiere to his new video, I felt like I had to post the shit because it’s one of those scratch my back I’ll scratch your back situation, only in this case, there’s no physical contact going on, because that shit would be gay and I am not down with that, no matter how much E I’m on.

The video doesn’t have many sluts doing slutty things in it, like there’s not booty talking, there’s not pornstars simulating sex, it’s all pretty tame, but I think the songs pretty sexy and something you could probably throw on when you drag a drugged up girl home by the hair to real secure that the sexy time you are about to have with her paralyzed body is not rape, but love making.

Check it out if you wanna hear a new song and see a new video of a guy who’s been nothing but supportive of what I do, which is pretty much sit around in my underwear writing hateful smut no one reads, so in turn I’m going to give him my support for making good music. That’s just how I work.

UPDATE – Here’s a video of the Casting Call, where sluts with big dreams of being in music videos showed up….to dance around…like sluts….

Posted in:Kardinal Offishall|Number 1|Video

2008

Oct

Thandie Newton and Ricky Gervais Re-Entact the Nailin Palin Porn of the Day

9 Comments »

So some talk show in the UK got their hands on the Nailin Paylin porn movie script and they got Ricky Gervais and Thandie Newton to re-enact a scene from the movie. I think this is a pretty clever TV talk show idea and probably something you’d never see in the USA, because of the conservative Christians the networks are constantly trying to not offend. I like that these two famous people go along with the stunt, because they aren’t frigid, scared, boring people and I guess this is just another reason why the UK is more forward thinking than the backwards USA that likes to sweep the smut under the rug, despite being the biggest producers of the shit. I guess they’re just hypocrites and who really cares, because Thandie Newton is hot and hearing her read a porn script is almost a fantasy of mine, if they just threw in some nudity, a nativity scene, with 3 nude “wisemen” and a couple farm animals, all while she was 9 months pregnant, I’d be fully satisfied with this clip, but until that happens, this will have to do.

Posted in:Nailin Paylin|Ricky Gervais|Sarah Palin|Thandie Newton

2008

Oct

Hayden Panettiere Flashes His Underwear of the Day

8 Comments »

Ellen is on some lesbian power trip where she makes every female guest wear a pair of her used men’s underwear, because as you all know lesbian likes to wear men’s clothes and fuck women in men’s clothes. I don’t. Or maybe Hayden Panettiere is mocking lesbianism, in some subtle way, thinking she’d relate better to Ellen if she dyked it up some, because all lesbians wear boxer shorts and have strap-on cocks to match their lesbian haircuts and flannel. What I do know is that Hayden definitely wearing a slutty black dress and Ellen is struggling to focus, that’s why the interview was cut short and diverted to trying to talk about Hayden and her boyfriend, to really drive the point home that Ellen’s got no chance and I was told that after shooting this segment, Ellen had to run back stage and change her socks because they were soaked right through from her soft on excitement….true story.

Posted in:Uncategorized