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Jenna Ortega for the Beetlejuice Photocall of the Day

Kelly Brook From Big Titty Model to Big Back Model of the Day

Charli XCX for Demon Kim Kardashian’s Brand of the Day

Christina Aguilera and her Botox Face and Ozempic Body Get Slutty of the Day

Shannon Mcmullen is the Instagram Of The Day

2008

Aug

Office Time Wasting of the Day

5 Comments »

So people with jobs seem to never really work, I remember when I was working at a factory I would sit around all day talking to the other workers about pussy, doing the bare minimum amount of work collectively to keep the boss’ expectations low as fuck making our days go by slow as fuck and our productivity down to nothing because you get what you pay for you abusive cocksucker who was throwing 5 dollars an hour at our immigrant asses…

This is a video a reader sent in where he bet a dude at work 50 dollars that he couldn’t eat this weird mutant beetle they found. I figured this is probably a funnier video for the people involved or who know the guy like “hey look, I know that guy, he’s a fuckin’ idiot, I bet he doesn’t do it” kinda thing, but it’s a slow day and figured why not celebrate wasting the boss’ money and keeping productivity to a bare minimum by eating insects…while visiting this site.

Plus he only had 100 views and that kind of shit is bad for someone’s self-esteem when they think they’ve produced gold.

Posted in:Beetle Eating|Office Humor

2008

Aug

Shawn Johnson Olympic Muscular Bitch of the Day

8 Comments »

Nothing says sexy like an Olympic Gold medal athlete flexing her muscles in her bikini….These are some personal pictures of some athlete named Shawn Johnson and if you find muscular chicks like this in anyway, I hate to break it to you, but you are gay.

If you think that’s just the obvious thing to say, I have evidence that being turned on by girls with muscles leads you to homosexuality because I used to hang with this sister named Ted and we’d go to the strippers about once a week and everytime we were there he’d get a lap dance from this girl who was a bodybuilder during the day and competed and shit.

She’d get on stage and do chin ups on the bar and push ups all while flexing her greased up shit. Everyone would cheer her on cuz of the novelty, but Teddy would just stare at her with his big eyes and boner, and would always be the first and only guy to get a lap dance with her who wasn’t a victim of an asshole friend’s prank that he couldn’t get out of…..

Either way, muscles or not you are and always have been gay for me and I appreciate that considering how busted I am…

Here’s Shawn Johnson, she’s a gymnast and she’s 16 ya pervert….ya gay pervert…

Posted in:Muscles|Olympic|Shawn Johnson

2008

Aug

Resse Witherspoon is a Fat Jogger of the Day

9 Comments »

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I spend my days watching people jog past me because it makes me feel like I am working out without actually having to get off my ass, it is some kind of projection shit and more often than not, the girls I have seen run by me daily for more than the last 5 years are not slim, fit or someone I’d want to fuck. They are dumpy, big assed, moms types and they just keep on doing it despite it having no effect on their bodies. People tell me to imagine what they would look like if they didn’t work out, even though I don’t want to imagine them when they do work out, but implying that they would otherwise be obese and maybe that’s true, but what’s also true is that if you put energy into something and it doesn’t work out for you, you half to find it in yourself to give the fuck up. It’s a quitter menality, but I just think it’s being realistic.

Here are some pictures of Reese Witherspoon showing off her pudgy little mom body jogging as she always fucking does because she’s trying to fight her Fat Southern Wal Mart clerk gene, so as you look at these you can imagine her if she didn’t work out, or you could do what I do and imagine Ryan Phillippe busting nut in her 3 times to knock her up, because you find him so fucking dreamy…..

[ Images removed in compliance with DMCA Notice ]

Posted in:Fat|Jogging|Reese Witherspoon

2008

Aug

Kellie Pickler’s Personal Pictures of the Day

13 Comments »

Last I heard of Kellie Pickler she was on American Idol talking about her grandfather who both raised her and had sex with her because that’s how they do things in the small down they are from. Pussy is limited so when you make one of your own, you got every right to do as you please with it, I am not sure if that was her exact quote because I was watching the shit on mute cuz I couldn’t stomach her twang and inbred level of intelligence.

I almost feel bad saying that because the truth is that everyone busts inbred people for being retarded or handicapped or whatever just because their parents are related, but I went to school with a set of ibred people, who’s parents were cousins and both kids, despite being weird lookin’, did really well in school. Maybe it was cuz they were first generation and not a line of inbred people like Pickler, but I think her retardedness stems from other things, like dropping out of school at the age of 8 to tend to the farm and by farm I mean grandpa’s dick.

Either way, these are some pictures of her sluttin out in some personal pics with the tits she always wanted and bought with her American Idol money. It’s nice to see dreams can come true.

Posted in:Bikini Tits|Candid|Kellie Pickler|Myspace Pictures

2008

Aug

Jessica Simpson Does an Ad For Vitamin Beer of the Day

3 Comments »

So everyone is writing about this Jessica Simpson promoting beer to help relate to the common country folk she’s trying to seduce with this whole new country image because she realizes being a tired popstar isn’t as lucrative as being the next Dolly Parton, when we all know that Jessica Simpson’s drug of choice is poppin’ diet pills because she just wants to be skinny enough for someone to marry her and have babies with her so that she can be like her little sister.

I also think it’s funny that she went with a beer named Stampede to further solidfy just how country she is, because nothing says I jerk off bulls in my spare time and sell their sperm like a beer called Stamede. I hear her next move in getting in with the hicks is to sell her luxury cars and start riding a horse everywhere she goes.

And the real joke in all this is that the beer is charged with Vitamins, like some kind of snake oil Hollywood Atkins Low Carb bullshit to make drinking beer more guilt-free, when the truth is that beer is the reason I am pushing 300 pounds, it is the gateway drink to full blown alcoholism and is more fattening that drinking a fuckin’ milkshake, so whether shit’s got vitamins in it or not, or you piss fluorescent yellow or not, before long you’ll be headed to the hard stuff because none of your pants fit anymore, and drunk on whiskey happens faster than drunk on beer, making not wearing pants in public feel like it’s ok.

This is her quote featured in the ad and written by her dad because he jumps and any chance he gets to write about Jessica drunk and tight bodied…unfortunately a body they kept cover up to seduce the conservative backwoods people she wants to sell albums to. It’s all part of the master plan.

I work out and take care of myself. But I also like a cold beer once in a while. That’s why I made a smart choice with a smart beer. Stampede Light, it’s beer plus.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

Aug

Daveigh Chase Then and Now of the Day

7 Comments »

If you’re wondering what happened to the Voice of Lilo from Lilo and Stitch that you used to jerk off to when you were going through that whole Disney Cartoons are Like Porn to me phase, here’s your answer. Her name is Daveigh Chase, she’s 18, I’ve never heard of her but she is some child star who is still in the industry because she’s pretty much still a child, but a legal child, the kind you can fuck without fear of prison…

Speaking of 18 year olds, I just ran into some 50 year old woman who thought she was 18. From behind he had a really fucking tight body, like nothing about that body looked like it was anything older than 18. She was wearing trendy clothes and had big hair and I just assumed she was product of some rich guy, well I was partially right, because she was obviously married to a rich guy who invested some serious money into her because when she turned around it was like I was looking at the fucking devil, with some haggard lookin’ plastic surgery raped face and those perky tits where obvious implants, but that body was so tight, she must really send a lot of time fuckin’ her personal trainer. That has nothing to do with Daveigh Chase, on her hot skinny body, but I wanted to remember that story for future masturbation, and since this is my personal blog, I’m allowed.

Posted in:Daveigh Chase|Hot

2008

Aug

Kristen Renton’s Got a Barack Obama Toe in her Barack Obama Panties of the Day

6 Comments »

This is probably the closest Barack has got to Vagina in a long fucking time. I am not just saying that because his wife is some 6 foot monster who can’t locigally have a vagina, but because he’s busy spending his time trying to change the fucking world. I am not one for politics, but I am one for boy shorts and can sometimes get blinded by them, especially when they have slogans on their asses, like this one time I was hanging with some girl who wanted to tan in her backyard and she pulled off her pants only to have a pair of underwear that said “SLUT” on them. I had a hard time figuring out the what she was trying to imply, was she actually a slut, despite being a fat 30 year old girl who I don’t think ever had a boyfriend or was it just one of those ironic slogan shirts because she was in fact nothing close to a slut. Either way, I tried to fingerbang her because I believe everything I read, and she shut me down. But the good news is that here’s some Kristen Renton, some chick I’ve never hear of, supporting the Election in her underwear….

Posted in:Camel Toe|Kristen Renton

2008

Aug

Rumer Willis is in a Movie of the Day

6 Comments »

I don’t like that Rumer Willis is making sex faces at me. It reminds me of all those times I’ve been forced to have sex with disgusting girls because they were just too into getting fucked and I had no capacity to say no.

Rumer Willis is one ugly girl. I don’t care how blue she makes her eyes, shit won’t distract me from the fact that Demi Moore was on hard drugs while she was pregnant and has invested a lot of money in paying off People Magazine to name her top 100 Beautiful People and producers to cast her in their shitty straight to DVD movies about an ex-playmate becoming a sorority girl……

I guess what it comes down to is how much she’s paying this Luke Perry Mother Fucker to put his arm around her, I figure he’s either a co-star in the movie or someone who is willing to put their dignity aside for a little exposure, but either way the thought of anyone fuckin’ her kinda confuses me and makes for something I’d definitely watch, because I’ve done worse, but definitely wouldn’t enjoy watching. It’d be like a 2 Girls 1 Cup situation, but less sexy.

On a side note, Ashton Kutcher still has mommy issues and an old lady fetish and is still having sex with Demi Moore because he can’t figure out how to escape her controlling weathered hand and plastic surgeried grasp…..and he is supporting his stepdaughter by going to her event because I guess they are proud that she hasn’t killed herself yet, something they’ve all been expecting her to do since the first time she saw a mirror. I like to support my stepdaughter differnently, like by walking in on her when she takes a shower to tell her she has hot tits I want to suck to boost her self-esteem.

2008

Aug

Courtenay Semel is a Busted Up Fame Whore of the Day

4 Comments »

The thing I hate about Courtnenay Semel isn’t the fact that she spells her name obnoxiously and something I hate is when parents give their kids a normal name but spell it stupid, it’s not the fact that she is an ugly jew who looks like the Grinch who stole Christmas, not because she’s Jewish and Jews hate Christmas because they don’t get to join in the fun, or because I consider Lohan’s vagina to be a Christmas Miracle Semel stole from Penises everywhere, but the fact that she’s a spoiled rich piece of shit trying to get some airtime.

She is a busted up fame whore whose double sided dildo even turns her down for sex because of how nasty she is. She’s just trying to get attention because her enitre life her dad, the ex-CEO of Yahoo! was too busy losing out to Google to give her the love and attention and in his defense, if I produced something that looks like this, I wouldn’t give her much attention and probably would have put her up for adoption pretending I had nothing to do with this mess.

Now she’s attaching herself to various celebrities and other rich kids and releasing personal information so people finally notice her and pay attention to her as this high profile dyke and that’s probably the reason her dad who has made over $500 million at Yahoo! and has gone so far as to donate $25 million to UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute for behaviorial issues in efforts to sweep shit under the rug and get a tax credit in the process.

Either way, I am surprised people even hang out with her let alone lickin’ whatever the fuck she’s got hiding in her expensive rich kid underwear and here she is with Tila Tequila, her latest vagina who is probably only with her for personal gain and access to more of that internet coverage that made her famous in the first place, but that’s just because Tila Tequila is a whore.

UPDATE – COURTENAY SEMEL GOT ARRESTED AFTER THIS PICS WERE TAKEN BECAUSE SHE’S CRAZY

Semel went out to Pure at Caesars with Vegas showman Jeff Beacher – and proceeded to “go nuts,” a spy said. “Courtenay got so drunk she was falling down.

Security asked her to leave, but she refused.” Semel finally left, but on her way out there was an altercation with a security guard. “She was arrested and spent the night in jail,” a Semel pal confirmed. “And she lost her phone.”

Typical Rich Girl Behavior….here are the pics…

Posted in:Courtenay Semel|Lesbian|Ugly

2008

Aug

Lindsay Lohan’s Got Big Lesbian Tits and No Bra of the Day

10 Comments »

Part of the reason I don’t believe that Lohan is a full blown Lesbian is because of her tits. The only lesbians I have met with a hot set of tits have never really been lesbian, but more the kind of girl who charges you 20 dollars a song to let you watch her lick a pussy during a lesbian show in the VIP room of the stripclub. Real Lesbians with big tits usually have the stomach, ass and legs to match and have turned to lesbianism as a last resort for finding love and affection by someone who they aren’t necessarily as superficial as a guy is and who can connect to them on an emotional level and not only on a physical level because physically, they are disgusting.

Sure Lohan’s got a whole fuckin’ suitcase of issues, from daddy issues after being born into a family with a cheating, alocholic father and commitment issues that stem from FES from That 70’s Show who broke her teenage heart when he was just lookin’ for a good time, to self worth issues that stem from having been thrown into the industry as some kind of tool to make other people money with some whore of a mother leading her to drugs and drinking and multiple sex partners only to decide that the only way to change her image and her lifestyle is to date girls or some shit. I mean, I’m not a therapist but most of the gay dudes I know come from abusive childhoods or are products of being bullied and gay is like the club for all these rejects. I will bet money that only a small percentage of people are actually genetically attracted to the same gender and the rest are just lookin’ for acceptance and a life of fabulousness.

Either way, she’s not wearing a bra and last night, while out, I was somehow managed to hang out with a group of 18 year olds while they were getting ready to go out to a club. One of them didn’t want to wear her bra and decided that she needed to tape her tits to get the support she needed and for some reason she felt the need to do it in front of me. After about a minute of seeing her strapping her teenage breasts down like they were a box and she was a mover, I chimed in a told her she was doing it all wrong, so she asked me to do it for her, so there I am in the middle of the street with a topless 18 year old and a roll of tape trying to find the best way to simulate the effect of a bra and I felt like I won the fuckin’ lottery. I mean I didn’t get turned on by the shit, but I was thinking that maybe my life isn’t that bad and that I should start putting ads on Craigslist soliciting my new found talent of makin’ bras our of household object.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s tits, a set I wouldn’t mind being asked to tape up, which isn’t saying much because I would pretty much tape any tits that are asking to be taped and I am tempted to take this new found talent to the street kids who can’t afford bras but that’s just because I like helping those less fortunate have cleavage.

Posted in:Lesbian|Lindsay Lohan|Tits