It was the British Music Awards last night and Girls Aloud were the opening act. I know, why would you care about the British Music Awards, you don’t live there so it doesn’t affect you, not to mention award shows are a total waste of fucking time and are more of a jerk off fest where people who already have massive egos get pinned up against each other for one to walk away the super ego, meanwhile every person in the room has already won the fucking lottery, but at least every now and then, bands I hate like Nickelback aren’t in the spotlight, and a group of slut Spice Girl impersonators who somehow avoided a career of stripping take center fucking stage and there’s nothing wrong with that, I mean other than how bad their music is, but who cares about the music when they’ve got tits. Right?
Here is member Sarah Harding’s Friend and by friend I mean assistant she probably shits on daily, Taking a Dive…..because it is funny and something These Drunk Sluts are Used To
I never give Asians enough love on the site. I feel like it’s because I generally don’t find them all that hot and I’m convinced that they aren’t marketable in the pop culture. Sure there’s Tila Tequila but people only pay attention to her because she’s a whore with fake tits and no shame, I’m talking about the likelihood of the next Britney Spears being from a Chinese family you’d expect to work their family restaurant being almost impossible.
Maybe I am wrong because they just aren’t into pop music as a career because they are too busy studying math, computer science and medicine, but I like to think it’s because their short flat chested bodies and conservative robotic behavior that seems to like to stick to their own kind just does not cut it.
The good news is that they make great wives because they are patriarchal and subservient and don’t need sleep because they are hyper evolved and can spend a lot of time tending to your needs, doing your laundry and trying to make your babies.
Speaking of hyperevolved, here are Lucy Liu’s tits, because the daughter who works at the Chinese convenience store near my house is not built like this.
I don’t know what it is with Pam Anderson, but she’s one of those girls that gay dudes seriously relate to. Maybe she’s a dirty fag hag, but I think it’s most likely got to do with the hope she brings them by being living proof that all you need is a lot of money for surgery to be an accepted sex symbol to straight men everywhere, that or because she brings all the coke to the party and free coke is the best kind of coke.
So when clubkid Richie Rich and his clothing line had their fashion show, I wasn’t surprised to see Pamela Anderson there, especially now that her ass hit menopause and is jacked with testosterone and slowly lookin like one you’d find on a tranny on estrogen therapy, seeing this bitch is like taking a human biology class and like I am just as confused as I was when I took it in the ninth grade because I don’t know if getting off to this makes me a faggot. Enjoy.
Tranny Amanda Lepore Showed Off Her Finally Better than Pam Anderson Body
Slut Aubrey O’Day Was There With No Pants On and Brought Her Playboy Cover So People Won’t Forget Her High Point….
Billabong doesn’t really bring up images of sexy, big breasted, tight body bikini girls to my mind. Usually the girls who rock this shit are either chubby in a tankini with the bike short bottoms or butchy action sports chicks who chug beer, have fart contests with their homies while playing video games like one of the guys, so I wasn’t too surprised when I came across these Billabong Fashion show pictures, because despite not being too manly, these girls are pretty horse-like, I’m talking they took them straight from the Heidi Montag family, and I am posting them cuz you’d probably give anything to ride them into the sunset, cowboy.
Megan Fox went out on a walk somewhere irrelevant in some black tank top showing off a set of perky tits. Now I don’t care for this girl and think she is overrated and I see through her attempt at being a sex symbol, whether it’s saying Jenna Jameson is her idol, or that she’s a bisexual or any of the other shit she spews, I know that she goes home every night to David from 90210 and that’s about has about as much sex appeal as any girl you’ve had sex with, which isn’t very much. It’s obvious that she’s insecure, has low self esteem and her whole act is nothing but an act, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t let her sodomize me with household objects but only if David from 90210 was there to participate. He’s so dreamy.
So I have this theory that Beyonce held off sex with her husband and gave him the silent treatment because she her whining and bitching wasn’t getting through to him, at first he took it well because it was a much needed vacation from his pain in the ass partner in life, but eventually, like all husbands he had to listen to her demands. First she went off about how she doesn’t like that he’s created a bigger star than her in Rihanna and that if he wants to stay happily married he better do something about it, he refused because he pulled the “it’s business” and “she makes me lots of money” angle, but it wasn’t good enough for Beyonce, she wanted Rihanna fired, she was jealous, she was fed up with her taking the glory and no money in the world could justify why her husband would choose another woman over her. But Jay-Z wasn’t budging, so she paid Chris Brown to mangle her face and make her disappear, so while Rihanna is out in Barbados recovering, Beyonce’s not wasting any fucking time recording videos to get out before Rihanna can get back to work….all while being close with some black guy to let Jay-Z know she’s not fucking around…but it’s just a theory.
Ever since the Hong Kong lady freaked the fuck out that hit the internet and Conan’s Last Week of Shows the otherday, everyone’s been hard from fucking China, maybe it’s because shit’s like another planet or maybe it’s because of the Olympics, and I don’t really care.
What I do care about is how amazing this video of a 2 year old kid smoking. I don’t care about the health risks the “Man” claims cigarette cause, when the cancer’s we get are probably a product of the food they sell us and the water they give us to drink, cuz smoking is too cool to be dangerous.
On a side note, if you’ve ever been to China, you’d know that smoking a cigarette is the least of anyone’s concerns, it stinks and the air is so thick it feels like you’re suckin’ a car exhaust’s dick and for 6 months after getting back, you cough up soot. So just enjoy how awesome this video is before crying about how this kid is being abused.
Who are you to say what is right or wrong? Who are you to get involved and preach your fucking propaganda? Do you have any clinical studies that prove smoking at 2 is a health risk? Mind our own fucking business asshole and if you’ve got such a fucking issue with it, make your own fucking baby and treat it how you want it to be treated and let us do what we want with ours.
Following Lily Allen on Twitter the last 2 days has been life changing. First, I saw her call Perez out, then I fell in love, tried to reach out so that she would call me out, she never bothered, so now I’m over that love and back to my old self. I think it’s cuz I got a good nights sleep.
Anyway. This morning she posted her new tattoo, that’s the picture you see.
This is what I wrote her:
it should have been ‘crime scene’ tape and a chalk outline on your FUPA
For those of you who don’t know a FUPA is a Fat Upper Pussy Area, I heard some high school girls making fun of a fat chick about having one, I always knew it as gunt. I’ll admit the joke would have been funnier if I had said womb, but I’m trying not to get banned just yet.
Then last night she wrote that she was sick and cancelled an interview with Dr Drew so Perez tried to be clever saying something smart like “maybe she has an new STD”, good one, useless fuck.
I wrote.
i’m thinking she’s pregnant again…get out the vacuum.
Better one and that’s all that matters…
So, enough about twitter…I fucking hate when people try to relive an internet moment, I just woke up and had to update and will keep my twitter jokes on twitter, where they belong.
I went to the police station with my friend to get finger printed for some petty crime he got implicated in. Turns out that going with someone the cops consider a criminal is a bad fucking idea because the fuckers ended up pushing me up against the wall when I was mocking him from the waiting area, you know pointing and laughing, simulating the electric chair and making prison rape jokes and full cavity search jokes and I guess cops don’t find jokes funny. They ended up cuffing me, bringing me to an office and sweating me about what I do for a living and how I know my friend. I guess they were just trying to teach me a lesson and let me know that a police station isn’t a place for good fuckin’ times, but maybe if they laughed a little more, they wouldn’t be such fucking assholes.
Here are my stepLINKS, I am spent, 4 hours of interrogation for something that was supposed to be a stop off on the way to the fucking bar is draining. If you’re wondering, they let me off with a warning. I guess my bad jokes no one gets are actually a fucking crime, I guess I should have listened to pretty much everyone who has told me I sucked all these years.
You’ve heard the expression a wolf in sheep’s clothing, while here’s some pictures of a pig in leopard clothing, or maybe it’s a dog in a wild cat costume, I was never good at this Old Macdonald shit, but I do know that it’s Halloween at the farm today.
