I have this theory that Jessica Alba couldn’t deal with the rejection of being ditched by Cash Warren back when he escaped her crazy, so she tricked him into knocking her up. Whether she poked holes in the condom, or ran to find the used condom and inserted it inside out are details we’ll never know, but despite his efforts to no get her pregnant, he failed and she won.
The only issue is that now that the baby has come, it means a lot of fucking responsibility that this cunt wasn’t ready for so she pawned it off on her staff and mother and a couple of wet nurses and the proof of this theory are her deflated titties, there’s no way a milkin mom would be this flat unless she sprung a leak.
I know some of you are fans, so here are her pics from God knows where, but I assume something that has to do with Oscar because like an annoying relative visiting from out of town, they takeover Hollywood and don’t know how to fuck off.
Bonus – Here She Is Acknowledging the Paparazzi Because Her Life is Like a Fairy Tale…
Lookin’ Good Sweetheart. I have a pretty strong stomach. I don’t ever throw up, I don’t get grossed out, I even watched 1 Guy, 1 Cup where the motherfucker’s asshole exploded into a bloody mess and I wasn’t phased. But for some reason, this shit made my stomach turn. I guess I just hairy faced menopausal bitches
BONUS – Here’s a Video of Madonna’s Driver Going Nuts on the Paparazzi
I have spent my fair share of time depressed, out of work, hungover and forced to watch Soap Operas because I had nothing else to do with my time and it was the only channel I got on TV. I always hated them and never really got into their complex story lines, but I was always drawn to the fact that they were pornos for housewives, you know written like a drugstore romance novel, with passionate suggestive love scenes, bad acting, bad sets, bad story lines, bad dialog, and the thought of thousands of mom’s jerking off when their kids were at school, or grandmas jerking off when their husbands were dead, everyday to the same fucking shows I was watching was enough to get me off.
Here’s some legendary soap star, Susan Lucci showing off her old body in a bikini this past weekend for those of you who were unemployed bums at some point in your life and have already cum to her cleavage on TV.
Like all whores, supermodels like the attention they get. They like being told how beautiful they are and they like being paid huge amounts of money to just have their picture taken. They like knowing that guys everywhere want to fuck them and they get the same feeling any stripper or high class escort gets every time they end up working for someone rich and who will seemingly sweep them off their feet and offer them a better life. I’ve seen Pretty Woman, I know how it is…
The point is that these model chicks like getting totally naked for the sake of Art and Fashion while getting paid, without really coming to terms with the fact that all they are doing is being fucking sluts and all that’s going to happen to these pictures is that they will end up in some perverts hands and jerked off to, like they were nothing but a common amateur pornstar or the girl who hangs at your local bar that every drunken homeless person has passed around and I like contributing to making that happen.
Ed Hardy threw some party around the Oscars that top notch celebrities attended. They posed with some ATV, tried on some obnoxious clothing and the whole thing looked like a horrible fucking time. Shauna Sand was pretty courteous and rocked a pair of panties when mounting that seat and rubbing her box up against it, knowing other girls would be grinding their cunts on it too, which is a nice change from all the STDs she’s transmitted in the past. I guess it’s never too late to learn.
Also in attendance were The Internet’s Most Downloaded Woman according to her…because I highly doubt that claim to fame is true….Cindy Margolis
And Annalynne McCord brought out her Monkey Lookin’ Face and Her Siblings Out…
If you’re wondering why I haven’t updated the site, it’s because I am running of West Coast time and I’ve been out hoping from Oscar party to Oscar party all night long. Sure, I’m not actually in California and I wasn’t invited to a single Oscar party because I am irrelevant, and sure I only watched a few minutes of the Oscars because that shit depresses me, and I didn’t actually go to any Oscar parties, not even themed shit at my local bar.
I just got drunk and passed out at four in the morning and feel like I should have watched this segment of the Oscars where Beyonce rocks out while I was drunk because that way I’d be able to focus on Vanessa Hudgens cleavage and one piece vagina hugging outfit, but instead can’t see past Beyonce and her huge thighs trying to steal the fucking spotlight. So if you’re into something pretty shitty while I get my posts together, watch this garbage.
UPDATE:
Here are some pictures from the Oscars because I’ve decided to not really cover the shit because my opinion doesn’t matter especially when it comes to how predictable, political and drawn out this jerk off fest is. I did like Jackman’s intro and the set design, I was happy to see Wall-E win but hated pretty much everything else.
Some Penelope Cruz Before Her Inspirational Acceptance Speech….
Miley Cyrus Brought Her Wonky Teeth as a Date….
Anne Hathaway Needs Sun, This Casper Shit Makes Her Look Like She’s Dying…
Some Vanessa Hudgens Because She had No Business Being There….
There’s a lot more of this shit in the stepFORUM GO
I haven’t got that much sleep the last 24 hours because I’m on Twitter and Michael Lohan told me that I crossed the line in things I’ve said to him.
Now, I’m standing by the door with a kitchen knife, paranoid he’s gonna come get me. You know, he did try to off his family, so I can’t imagine what he’d do to me.
On a side note, my homeless neighbor just beat the fuck out of his cat lady wife and I heard the whole thing. I’d call the cops but it’s really not my problem
Here are my links a day late…
Rihanna Makes Her Official Statement and Forgets to Thank Me for All My Support GO
Cindy Crawford Takes Her Mom Ass Out to Pump Some Gas so You Can Pump One Out. GO
You May Not Get to Fuck Her But You Can Try TO Get Her To Fall In Love With You, and By Fall in Love I Mean Let Other Chicks Fuck Her With a Dildo for You….. GO
It Brings New Meaning to the Words Fast Food Nation’ GO
Amanda Bynes really loves her legs. She shows them off everywhere she goes. She shouldn’t get too dependent on these legs, you know use them as some kind of security blanket because you never know when you may accidentally step on a land mine and all your leg showing off comes to an immediate end. So time to bring out them tits and vag because based on this video, her personality’s not gonna take her very far…
This is classy. This is almost as good as the time I got saved from being stabbed in my chest because my Whopper was stuffed in my front shirt pocket. I was saving it for later. It was one of those 2 for one deal days. You know, can never turn down a deal!
Kate Beckinsale shoulda have been wearing this dress the night she got pregnant, because instead of bustin inside her, baby daddy would have taken advantage of this special occasion outfit to see his seed roll down off it, at least I hear that’s what people who fuck people in latex are into, meaning like every other time he had sex, shit wouldn’t have stuck on the womb, but it really doesn’t matter because I think she’s bounced back from that pregnancy shit quite amazingly and if only more mom’s were like her, maybe the world would be a better place and men wouldn’t resent their wives for giving them a life sentence with a fatter ass than they married…..
