People are saying that Katie Holmes is pregnant. I am saying that shit is impossible because Tom Cruise is gay. I know people who know people who know people who have told me on 2 different occasions from 2 different sources that he used to fly into Montreal on a private jet to fuck young french dudes. I know that the story could be a lie, but if you want to fuck young French dudes this is the place that everyday feels like I’ve accidentally walked into the gay pride parade. I guess he could always use artificial insemination after they suck the cum out of Travolta’s ass….I guess poopy sperm still packs a punch….
Speaking of punch, the last time I asked a girl when her baby was due, I got punched by her boyfriend. She was eating a box of donuts and was pushing 250 lbs. How was I to know she was just a fat fucking pig.
Seeing Juliette Lewis having a nipple slip reminds me of a time this time crack whore who always refused to have sex with me had a drug overdose in her living room. I took the opportunity to pull her tit out to check out what she was packing because she never would do it intentionally. I am not all bad, I called 911 before I took advantage of her. What kind of guy do you think I am?
Heidi Klum was on Ellen today and they decided to get to the kitchen, I guess now that they’ve made it, they are going back to their womanly duties and headin’ back to their home in the kitchen to make the food for the family….well at least Heidi is, Ellen is too busy adjusting the prosthetic penis in her pants while tying a tie and shaving her mustache while reading the paper….
Either way, they are making meatballs and the obvious ball jokes came up about balls because let’s face it, when you’re making meatballs, what else is there to joke about. I am all for obvious jokes, they are always the easiest to come up with and the only jokes I know and whenever I drop them everyone gives me dirty looks, but that’s usually because I am pissing myself at the same time. It’s part of the act.
Either way, Heidi asks Ellen if she’s ever had balls, and Ellen says it’s been a while because she’s a lesbian….get it? I think Heidi was probably referring to in her pants, because that bitch is more masculine than you. It looks like Ellen just busted nut all over her lesbian pant suit like a 14 year old boy with his first playboy…
Here are some pictures of Hayden Panettiere at some Randy Jackson Event showing off her strong man tits. I am all for girls with small tits, just not a huge fan of those small tits lookin like the bouncer who kicked me out of the bar this past weekend because she spends too much time lifting heavy objects, like to fridge and small cars…..
I feel like fucking Hayden would be like fucking my wife. Sure, my wife is the complete opposite of Panettiere, being fat and scary instead of being muscular and scary, but the outcome is the same. Every time you crawl in bed with either of them you feeling like you’re either getting into the ring with someone way bigger than you who is going to kick your fuckin’ ass until you cum, or even like you’re rockin’ a red jump suit and you’re up against a bull who is staring you down with it’s big fuckin’ head and it’s not going to let you off too easily.
That said, she’s hanging with Miley Cyrus and that reminds me of some kind of summer camp reunion and that probably turns you on, you’re just a little pissed off that Hayden is 18 now and that’s because you’re a creep.
French people do sex better than American people, at least the do in movies and in advertising and in TV because unlike America, they aren’t scared of sex and I guess would rather see girls getting naked and fucked than seeing buildings blow up in movies, and being a pervert, I can totally appreciate that.
There was a time when I would only rent movies based on the rating and nudity warning and ended up with a lot of movies from France that had full penetration in mainstream movies and shit just made sense to me. If the people in the movie are acting or simulating reality, then the sex should be real too. These actors are getting paid tons of money and I can’t imagine why they’d want to fake fucking when they can just really fuck instead and I guess the French were up on that too.
Either way, here is a compilation of the French Actor, Marion Cotillard who won the the Academy award last week in a bunch of nude scenes, because you gotta get your start somewhere, and when in France, that start usually means getting naked.
Here’s a video of the popular myspace slut who got famous on the internet for being a girl lots of dudes wanted to fuck because she had cheesy half naked pictures of her club slut bottle whore lookin’ self online in a time when guys thought the only girls on the internet were overweight and crazy….It turns out that despite being a shitty star on myspace that lead to being a shitty reality TV star, she’s also got some kind of shitty music career and in the video she’s in lingerie showing off a pretty hot bisexual body with a few other sluts, because I guess they like to stick together because that way they can feel like the hottest group in the bar while shoving beer bottles in their drunken vaginas and sharing war stories of gangbangs and herpes outbreaks for a group of dudes who spend too much time in the gym.
I didn’t listen to the song, because I am sure shit is garbage, but I am all for people who jerk off to music videos because it is the poor man’s porn and I like helping out anyway I can. I’m like Princess Diana like that.
Here are some pictures of model Angela Lindvall showing off her naked boy body, provided the naked boys you know have milkin’ nipples and a hairy pussy. I am all for anyone showing their pussy, even if shit’s not brazilian waxed, like you’d expect from a model, but that’s just because fully bald pussy is as played out as a pussy can get now. Sure there was a time when that trend first hit where I’d instantly get a boner thinking about it, because the girls who were bald were the same girls who were letting dudes fuck them and whenever you got a hairy bitch, you knew she was either a prude, a hippie or a slob. Then after a decade of bald, landing a girl with a bit of bush was like a special treat that only happened every once in a while and seeing a vagina with decorative on it was like having a cake with icing on it. That said, I still think shit looks like a small furry squirrel that’s hungry for my penis sized dick.
I am all for girls getting naked, even if it’s for artistic photoshoots, but I guess getting models naked comes with the territory so it shouldn’t be a big deal. They are always walking around at photoshoots and backstage at fashion shows with their body parts hangin out and for everyone to see….so these pictures aren’t a thing, but I’ll post them anyway because I post pussy any chance I get, especially when it’s not pornographic, because I am tried of being called a porn site and if you consider this kind of thing pornographic, you clearly don’t get much pussy, but we already knew that….
Here’s a big surprise. Rihanna couldn’t sing when she was in high school and that must mean she’s a talentless whore who is over produced in the studio to the point of selling a ton of records with songs that are constantly on the radio or in clubs, to the point where me and every one I know know all the fuckin’ words to them.
So this teaches us two things. One, that you don’t need to have talent or skills to be successful, you need to know how to suck a good dick and manipulate that dick into giving you what you want so you should just drop out of school now because it’s a waste of time. The second thing is that if something is marketed enough the general public will get tricked into thinking it is good even when it’s not because we’re all fuckin’ drones to that shit who are easily manipulated.
When I was in high school there was this mutant lookin’ girl in my 8th grade class. All the cool guys who hated me because I was an import were convinced that she was hot because she had tits and hips, while the other girls didn’t. At first I protested and told them bitch looked like a fuckin mutant man who was in some kind of horrible car accident that left her face lookin’ like the mess that it was, but they wouldn’t budge and called me a fag for thinking that, repeatedly, while beating me up and giving me wedgies because playing with boys underwear was something anyone who thought this bitch was hot would do. Eventually, I started to believe and figured there was something wrong with me for not wanting to fuck her, so I ended up rubbing it out to her yearbook pictures during the weekly circle jerk despite thinkin’ she was a broken down pick up truck of a girl, but because I just wanted to fit in.
I guess that’s the same kind of thing that happens every time anyone dances to a Rihanna song or watches her video, but that’s just because circle jerks aren’t going anywhere. They’re here for life. That must make you happy. Weirdo.
Here are some pictures of Rihanna and Chris Brown in a Pool Together Because They are Fuckin’ or Pretending to Fuck to Help Record Sales….because they are both pretty popular now so it only seems natural…so natural it should be on the nature channel.
Gary Busey is pretty funny and doesn’t really take shit from anyone. This is a video of him freaking out about Paris Hilton being a piece of shit at some 11 year old girl interviewing him. I guess he doesn’t realize that this isn’t a movie set, or maybe that she’s not an adult or maybe he knows that 11 year olds are just scheming little pricks with no sense of what is morally right or wrong, they are just lookin’ for a laugh. Sure, they’ve got their cute pigtails and little innocent smiles on their cute little faces while singing and dancing to a Miley Cyrus song to their stuffed animals on the surface, but you know they are smarter than that and are plotting ways to humiliate you in front of your friends at a dinner party by telling everyone you touched her inappropriately, because she saw it on TV and thought it would be funny to recreate in real life, leading to you getting arrested and losing your life as you knew it when you never even did anything wrong, girl just thinks life is a fuckin’ movie.
It looks like Gary Busey is lost on the movie set too and everyone makes fun of Busey for being insane, but whatever he’s on, it looks like a good time. I read he got brain damage in a motorcycle accident and that’s too bad because it’s not an easy high too simulate and the last time I tried, I lost function of my bowels. It smells a lot worse than freakin’ out at 11 year old troublemakers.
Here’s the new Mariah Carey video that you can almost relate to, except for the girl with big tits answering her door in a bra and playing with you in your fantasies party. Your life is more about being the awkward motherfucker sitting on the computer nervous as shit because a girl in the chat room just asked you for a private chat or some shit.Maybe one day she will get on cam for you, we all have dreams and my dream may not involve touching Mariah Carey or her huge tits, it’s gotta do with unicorns, they are so mystical and I feel like if I had I unicorn I could really take over the world.
It’s kinda like this asshole I used to hang out with who bought a Firebird with a T-Top. He was so convinced bitches would flock to it, that everytime we rolled together he would park outside of bars blasting his shitty music with a beer in his hand, expecting them to crawl into the half-assed convertible and start bouncing on his dick. Instead, they’d just look and laugh because we were about 20 years too old and too late and the high school dreams of being the cool guy with the firebird should have been left in highschool, and high school girls today are more into luxury cars and Firebirds don’t have the same impact as they did in the 80s. Now if dude had a unicorn, every slut from the age of 4 on would think you’re a fuckin’ hero and that is the power of having a non-existent animal all girls dreamed of having as a kid, it’s timeless.
Either way, Here’s me and Mariah like baby and pacifier’s new video.
