I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

08

May

I am – Mel B Upskirt of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Mel B almost showing a post pregnancy upskirt, because she did just have a baby that she claims is Eddy Murphey’s about a month ago. Reality that her post pregnancy fat thighs rubbing together and not the gateway to her empty womb, like you want. I was talking to a friend about the concept of Fuck Friends the other day. Usually, the kind of girl who wants a fuck friend is not the kind of girl who gets emotionally vested in banging, which means she can have all the one night stands her heart desires while you’re at home playing xbox, waiting for her phone call to invite you over to bang, which she only does on Sundays or Mondays because those nights aren’t spent at the club….Or she’s the kind of girl who does get emotionally vested in banging, leaving you with a girlfriend after the tenth time you bang, or when she finds out you had a one night stand. All this to say it never really works out your way, because girls can get sex a lot easier than guys, and that is probably why Mel B doesn’t know who her daddy is, like an episode of Maury.

I saw these pictures without the upskirt shot at some point last week and wrote about a Spice Girls Reunion party or some shit, you can check it out HERE, if you have nothing better to…

Posted in:Mel B - Scary Spice|Melanie Brown|Panties|Unsorted|Upskirt

2007

08

May

I am – Celebrities Showing Off Their Tits at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala of the Day

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I am all for girls rocking cleavage shirts because I am a pervert and this site has given me a keen eye for spotting nipple slips. I was standing outside a bar, hoping a drunk guy who came out for a cigarette and accidentally drop his wallet the other day, and a group of hot chicks walked out with low cut shirts on, I guess it’s in style to show off your rack and I am not really complaining. One of them conveniently dropped something and when she went to pick it up her shirt dropped and I saw full fucking massive tit, while the other guys next to me missed it. It reminded me of when I was 12 and my foster mother used to come give me talks about God before I went to bed. She’d be in her night gown while I’d be lying in bed. She’d bend over to tuck me in, full tit exposed and I’d totally get a boner and jerk off to it the second she walked out. I always got scared that God was watching me, then I realized that if he was, he was a total pedophile and I might as well give him a good performance, because let’s face it, if I get him to get off when I was 12 only good things would be coming to me….I was wrong…

I am guessing that these celebrities are thinking the same thing, they are advertising their tits at some exclusive black tie event I wasn’t invited to, so that people like us fall into their booby trap…get it..I am so witty and that is good enough for you to start your day to….you’re welcome…


Jessica Simpson May Be Busted But Her Tits are Fucking Huge


Lohan May Be Distracting Us From Her Cocaine Video, But At Least She’s Doing it Properly, this shit will even get Disney to Sign Her Again


Salma Hayek is Pregnant and Full of Milk and That’s Pretty Much What I Wish All My Diet Consisted Of…


Jennifer Garner is Post-Pregancy and Her Tits Have Dried Up, But I’d Still Try To Get the Last Drops Out of Her


Rose McGowan has Always Had Hot Tits


Christina Ricci May Look Old and Beat Up and Her Tits May Have Been Reduced But She’s Still Packin’ Heat.


Scarlett Johannson Still Has Tits and I am Still Lookin’ At Them


Julianne Moore is the First Fire Crotch I Ever Saw in a Movie and Will Always Hold a Warm Place in My Heart for Proving that Myth Isn’t a Myth….


Rosario Dawson’s Tits Look Small But Small Titis are Tits Too…


Juliette Lewis is a Crackhead and Crackheads Don’t Have Tits, But She’s Still Trying…


I Don’t Really Give a Fuck About Mischa Barton But Whatever This is Still Cleavage…


Alicia Keys Has a Hairy Chest, So I Don’t Know If She Counts, But Even Men With Tits Count in Your World, Cuz You Are Desperate…

A few new ones…

I think Ivanka Trump Looks Awesome….I’d wallet-fuck her…


Karolina Kurkova Models Bikinis and I like Bikinis, Especially when they are on me, I feel so pretty…


Gisele isn’t with Victoria’s Secret Anymore, She’s Not a Hot as She Used To Be, But She Has Done A Lot in Her Panties and That Pretty Much Redeems Her….

Posted in:Alicia Keys|Christina Ricci|cleavage|Gisele Bundchen|Ivanka Trump|Jennifer Garner|Jessica Simpson|Julianne Moore|Juliette Lewis|Karolina Kurkova|Lindsay Lohan|Mischa Barton|Rosario Dawson|Rose McGowan|Salma Hayek|Scarlett Johansson|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

08

May

I am – Britney Spears Comeback Tour in Vegas Pics of the Day

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These are some shitty cellphone pics of Britney Spears lip syncing in Vegas as part of her attempt at a comeback, the show may have been a rip off and she may be insane now, but she’s still Britney Spears and at least she’s showing off her ass to distract us all from how lame this attempt to climb out of the gutter and back to the top of her game is.

I am costantly attacked by feminists, telling me how what I do is comparable to racism and that I am leading a horrible example to the 20 people who read the site, and I guess saying that at least Britney is showing us her ass fall into that category of objectifying women.

Reality is, I am not the motherfucker on stage showing the world my fucking ass, and if I was, I’d expect someone to comment on how fat it is. I have spent a lifetime trying to seduce girls and not being rich enough, or goodlooking enough, forcing me to end up with someone no one wanted, not even me, but the comfort of having someone there to care was enough for me to do it. You don’t see me sitting here hating on all the hot chicks for not wanting me, or thinking I was scum, in all reality, I am here begging for them to send me nudes.

So, what it all comes down to, is that I just want to have a good time, maybe have a few laughs, and talk a whole lot of shit about nothing important. If you are one to take my words for gospel and either take it home with you to throw at your own fat wife that you settled with, or who got fat after she hooked you in and was too tired to keep herself pretty, or if you are sitting there getting offended by what I have to say, all you have to do is click on the back button in your browser and leave your rants to your fucking self, because people that are that uptight, are people I don’t want to invite to my birthday party or to my comeback show at a shitty small venue….and if you motherfuckers decide to show up with camera phone pics, and decide to write slandering remarks about me, I am not going to cry about it and write a thesis for my gender studies class on how hard people are on me for having a cock.

Posted in:Ass|Britney Spears|Concert|Dancing|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

08

May

I am – Lohan is Obviously a Drug Addicted Party Slut of the Day

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This bitch is slowly starting to look like Chris Farley before he died of a cocaine overdose. She’s bloated as fuck and her face is hanging off. Her eyes have fucked up yellow bags under them and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. I have slept with crack whores and I know what to look for. I am just hoping this bitch doesn’t die, because I’d have no one else to stalk…

I was walking down the street today and some drunken homeless guy who looked like Lohan was sitting on a city bench screaming for change from people passing by. He even asked me and I looked more homeless than he did. I think it was because he was wearing some kind of old man hat that made him look like a detective while I was just in my regular jogging pants. Anyway, all motherfucker did was sit there and yell and everyone who walked by him and obviously no one was giving him shit. So I took the asshole aside and told him that if he wanted to make some money, all he needed was some kind of act, whether it be a song or a dance or juggling or anything. If people saw him trying, they’d be more inclined to give him cash. The asshole just spat in my face and I am sure gave me some kind of Hepatitis like I was Pam Anderson, but when I walked by him an hour later, he seemed to take my advice. A group of highschool girls were walking by him and he fully dropped his pants and started jerking off for them. They ran away screaming and even though I thought he went a little too far, I was happy to see him make an effort. I think I felt the joy a teacher experiences when their troubled student graduates highschool. or what a coach feels when his weakest player makes his first goal. It was pretty fucking nice…Unlike these pics of Lohan looking haggard and on the verge of death…But I would still K-Fed her if I was cool enough to be her back-up dancer….

Posted in:Cocaine|Drugs|Hipster|Lindsay Lohan|Party|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I don’t really remember what I did today. I was pretty burnt out. I accidentally ate liquid paper and thought I was dying, but realized that everytime I did street drugs, I was probably consuming a hell of a lot worse household products than shit they give little kids in school. I still decided to sleep it off, but that doesn’t mean I was too busy for my links…But first read what I wrote to Kimmy Stewart on Myspace, before it got deleted….

Kimmy,

You’ve probably never heard of me, but I like to tell people that I am famous on the internet because it is overcompensation for my small penis and shitty life.

I just listened to your song – When I Make Love I Was Thinking of You….

I wanted to ask if you wrote that to your liver while banging Joe Francis, because that fucker wronged you by being diseased and incapable of processing your booze, forcing you to make irrational decisions, like raw dogging him and landing you Herpes?

Just curious! Can’t Wait to see the video. Hit me up sometime.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Now here are my links….


Turns Out Kimmy Stewart is a Singer and This is Her Demo Song
GO

Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson in a Bikini
GO

Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller having Fun On Set
GO

Paris Hilton and Her Mom Talk About Her Going to Jail on Video
GO

A Whole Lot of Celebrity Ass
GO

Maggie Gyllenhaal Breastfeeds in Public
GO

Intense Cameltoe Video
GO

Penelope Cruz Sex Scene
GO

Petra Nemcova Side Tit Shot
GO

Sofia Loren’s Huge Old Tits
GO

Some Photographer with Nude Pics I Like – He’s Mexican
GO

Pete Wentz Opened a Club in NYC and His Marketing Campaign is that you Can Have Sex in the Bathroom because he only has Sex with Ashlee Simpson while in the bathroom taking a shit, she’s hasn’t quite got hot enough for the bed….Here’s a Video of The Club Bathroom…
GO

The 2 Sides of Fergie
GO

David Beckham Gaying Out Hard at a Soccer Game
GO

Hasslehoff is Banned From Seeing his Kids because of the Drunk Video
GO

Remember Rachel Bilson, Here She Is Lookin’ Hot
GO

Highschool Food FIght
GO

Some Girl Named Fancine Dee Shaking Her Ass on Camera at a Party…
GO

Tyra Banks in a Bikini for Shape Magazine
GO

Tyra Banks in NYC Lookin’ Like Shit, Not Just Because She’s Brown…
GO

Melanie Griffith is Lookin’ Busted and Old, Like a Catcher’s Mitt
GO

Ty from Extreme Home Makeover Got Arrested
GO

Anna Nicole Unseen Interview about Prescription Drugs
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Amateur Party Girls Getting Naked
GO

Geek Porn that Isn’t That Geeky
GO

The Orgasm Gun Performance Video
GO

Rachel Bilson Topless Sex Scene
GO

Some Czech Model Naked and Posing
GO

Guy Takes a Fake Piss on People on the Lazy River Ride at the Waterpark
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart – NSFW
GO

Amazing Cutting Off Panty Video
GO

Paris Smoking a Joint at Coachella
GO

Kimberly Stewart in Her Underwear Posing
GO

Little Kid Playing With a Cobrasnake, Not the Hipster Kind…
GO

Some Cam Girl Named Luna All Naked and Doing Cam Girl Things
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Eva Longoria Dresses Like Hayden Panettiere
GO

Hayden Panettiere Showing Off Her Huge Guns
GO

Claire Danes Showing Off Her Fat Tits…and by Fat Tits I Mean Non Existent Tits
GO

I may have linked this one already, but it is The Superficial Friends Cartoon Featuring Cunt Perez Hilton’s Voice…
GO

Some Pics of a Naked Pregnant Chick
GO

Almundena Fernandez in her Lingerie
GO

Shot By Kern is a VBS Video About a Nude Photographer Named Richard Kern and Bitches He Takes Pics Of…
GO

Car Racer Danica Patrick Will be Non-Nude in Playboy
GO

Some Band Called Fountains of Wayne have a Video Featuring The Dude from The Daily Show Named Demetri Martin….
GO

New Lilly Allen Video – Because I Hate Her
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Hot Lingerie Photoshoot Video
GO

Brittany Murphey Married an Old Man
GO

You can’t get laid – Try This – It Works
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Jannel Syzyska Story Set Straight of the Day

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So I posted about some Girls Gone Wild bitch who claimed she was a virgin and that Joe Francis raped her a long time ago. The post can be found HERE , ignore all the spam in my comments…it happens.

Anyway, I was checking my email and I got some inside scoop on the slut that I felt like I needed to post. I can only assume it’s her friend trying to get more buzz going about her in hopes of landing a porn video gig or a penthouse magazine spread, but I’ll still post it because I never get any scoop and when I do, it makes me feel like a real media company….and sometimes pretending you’re not a waste of internet space is a good thing….

So, I just recently came across an article in the L.A. times about Jannel Syzyska, and about how Joe Francis “raped her”.

I used to be pretty good friends with Jannel, (in the early pre-whore days – seventh grade to be exact.) but when an unfortunate incident involving her and her friend Kaitlyn stealing my underwear occurred, we lost touch, so to say.

Then last year, one of my friends became close friends with Jannel, and I started showing up to parties that she happened to be at and so on..

So Jannel and I got kind of close again, and she revealed to me everything about her, one tidbit being that she had lost her virginity in April to some guy she doesn’t even remember. And she revealed that she did not want to have sex with anybody for a long time because of the fact that she had had sex with quite a few guys since then…

So when I finally did come across this yesterday, I was shocked. I’ve lost touch with her since the beginning of last June.. but in November of last year I had seen her a few times through a mutual friend.. and she had told me that she “went on girls gone wild and masturbated for the camera.” However, she said that she had HAD SEX with Joe Francis, not that he “raped her.”

I know I’m quite late on a story like this.. but I figured I would set the record straight (as if it hadn’t been set straight enough) that she did have sex with him, he did not rape her, and she was not a virgin.

I had no idea that she was all over the internet with her “rape story” or I would have definitely set that straight sooner.

Yes, Joe Francis isn’t the epitomy of class and charm.. but I’m sure he has the opportunity to have sex with much better looking girls without forcing them. So why he would even force sex onto someone like Jannel is baffling.

I don’t know why I felt compelled to write you this e-mail when it was so long ago, and you probably won’t read or respond really, but that enrages me that she would seek fame that much to make up stories.

Thanks for your time and sorry to rant, but I just had to.

All that to say…who really gives a fuck…Cuddles.

Posted in:Drunk|Girls Gone Wild|Jannel Syzyska|Party|Rape|Sex|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Ashley Hartman from the O.C. in a Carl’s Jr. Ad of the Day

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So Carl’s Jr. had a commercial featuring criminal Paris Hilton in a car wash and it gave everyone a fucking boner except me – because I can’t get boners. It seems like they are back with a new commercial featuring some girl from the OC named Ashley Hartman and she looks pretty tight bodied, but not the kind of tight body I witnessed at the strip club this afternoon. The bitch was one of those body builder chicks with biceps that put most men to shame and a back as wide as a pick-up truck. I think I wrote about how I wanted to pay her to arm wrestle me last summer, but never did it because I was scared she’d get offended and use her testosterone imbalance induced rage on me. I guess what the real issue in the whole thing was that when she was crawling on all fours her ass looked hot in contrast to her jacked legs….I don’t know where I am going with this, but I am pretty sure that the Carl Jr. Ads are worth watching while you try to figure out why you just wasted your time reading this post. It’s pretty safe to say that I am losing my edge.

I HAD TO TAKE IT DOWN BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE GETTING ANNOYED THINKING I GOT PAID TO POST THIS…I DON’T GET PAID FOR SHIT….
HERE’S THE VIDEO FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE IT

Posted in:Ad|Ashley Hartman|Slut|The OC|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Ashley Hartman from the O.C. in a Carl's Jr. Ad of the Day

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So Carl’s Jr. had a commercial featuring criminal Paris Hilton in a car wash and it gave everyone a fucking boner except me – because I can’t get boners. It seems like they are back with a new commercial featuring some girl from the OC named Ashley Hartman and she looks pretty tight bodied, but not the kind of tight body I witnessed at the strip club this afternoon. The bitch was one of those body builder chicks with biceps that put most men to shame and a back as wide as a pick-up truck. I think I wrote about how I wanted to pay her to arm wrestle me last summer, but never did it because I was scared she’d get offended and use her testosterone imbalance induced rage on me. I guess what the real issue in the whole thing was that when she was crawling on all fours her ass looked hot in contrast to her jacked legs….I don’t know where I am going with this, but I am pretty sure that the Carl Jr. Ads are worth watching while you try to figure out why you just wasted your time reading this post. It’s pretty safe to say that I am losing my edge.

I HAD TO TAKE IT DOWN BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE GETTING ANNOYED THINKING I GOT PAID TO POST THIS…I DON’T GET PAID FOR SHIT….
HERE’S THE VIDEO FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE IT

Posted in:Ad|Ashley Hartman|Slut|The OC|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Brooke Hogan Dancing Around in her Underwear of the Day

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I know that a girl in her underwear is enough to make you happy. I know that you’re one of those guys at the strip club who sits by the stage clapping and urging the bitches on. It’s people like you that fuck it up for the rest of us, because it gives them a false sense of worth, making them feel pretty and wanted and putting them on a some kind of ego trip, making them forget they are whores.

So these pictures of Brooke Hogan make you happy, because a girl in underwear is better than a girl in clothes especially on the internet.

When I look at these pictures, I just remember a fat girl trying to get skinny to have a career, and when she reached her ideal weight, she decided to get naked, in hopes of getting assholes like you, who are easy to fucking please at her show.

I am not saying I wouldn’t stuff her like a turkey if I had the chance, I am just saying that bitch has no business doing whatever it is that she does, and being Hulk Hogan’s shadow, is probably not a place anyone should be, because he’s a piece of Florida trash with big biceps, stupid hair and crazy pants….and she may not be wearing crazy pants, but bitch could probably beat the fuck out of me with legs like that. Ya’ Heard?

I forgot where I was going with this, because I am drunk, but I do hate people who cheer on strippers, because it makes getting a lap dance next to impossible….Cuddles….

Posted in:Ass|Body|Bra|Brooke Hogan|Dancing|Panties|Underwear|Unsorted

2007

07

May

I am – Paris Hilton Panties in the Wind of the Day

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I had a few funny things to write about, because the weekend is over and I was away from the computer for most of it, but I am drunk and don’t remember much. I ended up climbing up the fire escape of some building, and ending up on the roof with 3 bottles of cheap wine. I am not sure how I made my way back down, but I survived.

I am hoping that Paris Hilton won’t survive her 45 days in jail, even though 45 days is more like a vacation than anything for her. She will get special treatment and will probably have a nicer cell than my apartment, and she probably won’t be allowed to hang out with the lesbian muderers and scum that fill up real jail, but part of me really hopes she is. I also hope that she meets some whore that opens her life up to real crime, propelling her into a life in the underbelly of society, denouncing her socialite ways, because I am tired of seeing this cunt all over the fucking place.

Here are some pic of her panties, a little more clothes than the communal showers will let her wear, and this sentence is a fucking celebration, you just haven’t realized it yet.

Again, I am wasted and don’t know what I just wrote, but hope you aren’t wearing pants when you read it…because that is part of the reason I write this piece of shit site….Cuddles….

Posted in:Ass|Cameltoe|Panties|Paris Hilton|Unsorted|Upskirt